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Need some Advice/Support - About to Lose a Parent

Forum: Loss of a Parent


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August 28th, 2011, 03:40 PM
Lovinglifewithtwo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,553
Hi there,

I am not sure how active this board is but I feel like I need to find a place where I can find support/advice.

My mom is losing her battle with ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed in Dec 2006 but it is finally taking her life...slowly and pianfully of course. My mom is my best friend...my only parent...and I don't really know how to feel, how to be. Watching your mom, your best friend, die is so SO hard.

I am in councelling....I am having a really hard time...I can't beleive this happens to people. You look around and you know cancer kills so so many, it happens every day, but when it happens to someone you love more then anything...it's like you're living in a nightmare you can't wake up from.

Can anyone offer advice...I know I haven't officially LOST a parent...but I am losing one...and I am having a hard time thinking that's not any easier...

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August 28th, 2011, 06:11 PM
NewportMamaBear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Priest Lake, Idaho
Posts: 12,944
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I don't have any advice, but I offer you my prayers for peace and comfort.
Thank you Zarziza for a beautiful siggy
Missing my dad 2/23/1961-11/1/2010
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August 29th, 2011, 09:42 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 66,539
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First of all, welcome to the board, although of course I wish you didn't need to be here.

Yes, the board is active. I am here every weekday and sometimes on weekends as well. There are several others, such as Kristen, who check in once a week or so and every now and then I pm everybody and get them all to check in. So in theory there is always someone around and of course you are very welcome here to share, talk and rant - whatever helps you to deal with what you're going through.

I am very, very sorry you're losing your mom honey.

Cancer is the worst. I've lost several relatives to cancer and seeing them become poorlier and poorlier when you know what the outcome is going to be, is terrible to bear. You can take a little comfort in the fact that although it's painful for you to see her so ill, you are providing love and support at the hardest time, being there for her to the end, and showing her in everything you do that you love her unconditionally. During this painful time, this will help her more than you know.

I lost my dad last year to a long-term illness, in his case, COPD - with secondary pneumonia. Those last days were terrible but I know we were blessed in it being relatively short for him. I miss him so much still even now. I absolutely sympathise with you.

Doing something constructive can help to channel the grief. I collected together photographs of my dad to make a remembrance book for my son. We also asked for money donations instead of flowers at the funeral which we donated to the hospital who'd cared for him in his last days. Getting involved in a cancer charity could help you in the same way. Other than that, counselling is a good idea of course, and I would say, many a chat with friends and loved ones who are willing and able to listen, cups of sugary tea (for the shock), and keeping yourself busy is a good idea.

Healing is something that can't be forced and will happen but in its own time.

Sending you love and light and praying for peace and comfort for you and your mom at this time, and for strength for you to get through this.

Do come here whenever you want to talk and please keep us updated xxx

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August 30th, 2011, 01:57 AM
momoftwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 0
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't really have much advice, since my mom's death was sudden and very unexpected, but I just wanted to offer some hugs. One thing I would say, is to just be sure you tell her everything you need her to know. I know that seems pretty obvious, but having my mom die suddenly, I didn't get to tell her anything and that still bothers me.

Hang in there. Big, big hugs to you!!

~Thank you SO much to Jaidynsmum for my fabulous siggy!!~
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August 30th, 2011, 07:58 AM
Carwen*Angel's Avatar Fly away on my zephyr
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 66,539
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That is really good advice.

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