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bf's mother hates me

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December 19th, 2008, 06:32 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Swanton, VT
Posts: 11
my bf and I are not married obviously but have two children and another on the way. Other than being unmarried we are the same as every other couple - we own a house, he works, I'm a SAHM, we fight, we have fun, we love our kids. We will soon have three daughters and from the moment we fell in love talked about having a big family so hopefully there will be more children on the cards. Especially since we would both like a little boy at some point. My point is that while we are fine with being unmarried a lot of people we know are not. Marriage is not a priority right now but we intend to get married after we are done having kids . . . who knows when that will be lol. When we met our plan was get married, have kids but our eldest Ashby was a happy accident. We talked about getting married when I was pregnant with her but I knew what wedding I wanted and I knew by the time it was planned I would be huge and I wasn't really keen on the idea of bringing forward the wedding simply because I had gotten pregnant. It had a bit of a whiff of a shotgun wedding and I didn't want people thinking that was why we were getting hitched. Also I began to like the idea of a wedding surrounded by our children, a day which they could enjoy and a day where they could see the love between their parents and their parents promises to commit to each other. As we had planned before I fell pregnant with Ashby we wanted our kids to be close in age so we decided that we would stop using contraception till we decided our family was complete. Getting pregnant with Hollis when Ashby was only a few months old was a complete shock to our systems though but everything worked out well and it has done so far with my 3rd pregnancy. Anyway I better get to the point before I bore you to tears lol. My bf is one of four but I am an only child and I always wanted to be part of a big, happy family so we really wanted lots of kids to fulfill both of our dreams of a big family. My parents could not care less that we are not married as they know it will come when it does and we are happy but my bf's family seem almost ashamed of it. My bf's brothers and sister are all married and they and his parents always seem to freeze over when we discuss having more children and telling them I was pregnant with Dallas you could hear a pin drop and the temperature dropped like a million degrees! I feel like the children, the mortgage, the joint bank account etc are an expression of our love and committment and I don't see why it should make people feel uncomfortable that we are not married when marriage is so easy to wriggle out of now. I feel like my bf's mother even treats Ashby and Hollis differently to her other grandkids simply because they are technically illegitimate. Ashby is 2 the same as my bf's one of his brother's little girl and one of his sister's little girl and she seems to hold them to a higher standard than Ashby despite Ashby being much more prettier and advanced IMO (its not just because I'm her mother lol. Well maybe . . . lol) and she often makes snide remarks about her and Hollis' apperance as they both have curly blonde hair (like mine and hers so it is obviously where they get their hair from!) while my bf has wavy dark brown hair implying they are not his kids and she does this in front of my daughters and the whole family once so overtly my bf didn't speak with her for a month. I feel like the rest of the people I care about are cool with it but members of my family arent and as a result I hate my MIL (well my bf's mother lol) and don't want my kids around her as she is spiteful and vindictive over something that should not really matter in the great scheme of things. Me and my bf have been together since we were 21 so that is 7 years we have been faithful and committed etc and she could not give a ######. We were on good terms and got along till I got pregnant with Ashby and it is all shot to pieces now and I feel like she is belittling our love and our family and acts like what we have is worthless and something to be ashamed of and I'm scared the more kids we have, the more she will be mean and the more she will drive us away. She once even said to me that we were stigmitising our children with our ridiculous beliefs and that our children would resent us not being married.

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December 20th, 2008, 07:19 AM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: lost in Iowa
Posts: 6,537
OMG! Hun if it was me, I'd be going over there as often as I could. Have the girls scream for grandma! It's her own fault she has a stick up her butt, not you or the babes.

BTW Research common law marriage in your area and see how many years you have to be together before you are actually considered that. OR go down to the court house get a quicky wedding, you know paper and judge, and THEN have the big wedding of your dreams when you are ready.

I had a MIL like that with my Ex, I told her to bite me. We ended up being close till my ex went all evil. Then everything he did was my fault.

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