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extended family's reaction?

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March 9th, 2009, 04:30 PM
rabbitranch's Avatar est. 2000
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: central FL
Posts: 13,912
I know some of you have to have faced negative comments from your extended families when you told them you were having #4 (or 5, etc etc). My mom, and dad and stepmom, and sisters were all shocked when we told them we were having #3. After I told my mom about my pregnancy, she actually told me that three was fine, but no way should I have any more because having 4 kids was something I should never do because it would basically ruin my life (gee THANKS mom, I AM your #4! ) I don't get it - we love our beautiful kids, and provide well for them, and are self-reliant and happily married. I *know* it's none of their business, but at the same time I don't have thick skin when it comes to dealing with hurtful comments from my family. We'll be TTC before you know it and honestly I don't want to even tell them anything until long after baby is born, but realistically I can't do that since all but my mom now live here in FL. I think they'd notice It's just sad that I have to dread sharing my joy. Who else has had to deal with this, and what did you do?

Heidi, mama to 5 kiddos and an lost 11.25.13 at 11w5d
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March 10th, 2009, 06:11 AM
momoftwinsand1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 3,010
I was also afraid to tell my family with my last 3!!! I think I waited a little longer to tell them and at first I could tell they didnt agree but by the time I had the baby they were fine with it and they all love my kids to pieces.
Lisa Mommy to
Madison Yvonne and Hailey Yvonne 1-12-00 identical twins, c section 32 weekers
Jenna Noelle 4-17-02, VBAC 6 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches
John Allen 4-4-06, VBAC 6 pounds 2 ounces 19 inches long
Paige Belle 5-21-07, VBAC 5 pounds 9 ounces 17 inches
Ava Marie 2-28-09, VBAC 5 pounds 10 ounces,16 1/2 inches
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March 10th, 2009, 06:54 AM
Doodle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Orlando-ish Florida
Posts: 10,919
Considering my mom told me that I "didnt have to have" my first child and when I subsequently lost that pregnancy she was all "see it was for the best", I have dreaded telling her about each child. She found out about #3 on my blog and it caused a HUGE blow out fight. #4 was a big surprise for me and she took it really well, mostly I think b/c my sister was a shock for her so she could relate?

Mind you I was happily married during all of this brouhaha so it seemed doubly insane.

After #4 she told me "i'll see you next year" meaning she was ready to come help with the next baby but then at Christmas she looks at me and says "you know you shouldnt have any more"

On the opposite end is Hub's Dad and step mom. they are over the moon whenever we have another baby.

Our sibs are a mixed bag of mostly negative reactions.

Meh, I hate telling people that i know are going to be buttheads. We are happy and that is what matters

you know what comments I hate the most? the one's from strangers. I can pretty much prepare for family reactions but the people who just appear out of nowhere and hurl insults always knock me for a loop. Especiially if they say something in front of my kids because then I must remember to set a good example instead of saying what is on my mind
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March 10th, 2009, 04:21 PM
WishingStar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 24,820
My mom is kinda blah about it. She loves the kids, but she thinks I'm spreading myself too thin, the kids don't have enough attention, my body can't handle it, etc...

I just ignore her.

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March 11th, 2009, 05:02 AM
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 16
oh, how about this one! Our first 2 children are terminally ill with an extremely rare genetic disease. So, when our 1st child was diagnosed, we decided to try for #3. Reactions were very positive. We had a cvs done and everything was fine. So when our #2 was diagnosed with the same disease, we decided to try for #4. We knew deep in our hearts God would not put this on us again and knew everything would turn out ok and it did. We had the same test and everything turned out fine. #3 and #4 do not have the disease. If it wasn't for us having an "large family" we wouldn't have the 2 healthy kids we have (or will have - due in August).

But my family has been thrilled. They've been very positive about it all as they know what we go through every day and are so happy for us to be having a healthy baby. Others reactions???? No so positive. First reaction: Was this planned????? I know, I've done it to others myself prior to going through everything I've gone through with my kids. There is a purpose for everything and having 2 sick kids has taught me a lot! Anther reaction: " Don't you have enough craziness in your life? Why are you adding more?" Jeesh! Mind your own *%^$#*((&^^ business!

Those other people need to be thankful for what they do have, hopefully which are healthy kids, and quit worrying about passing judgement on others. The one of you whose mom thinks you are going to ruin your life???? Sounds like she has more problems than you can shake a stick at. Maybe she needs to be reminded to be thankful for her OWN healthy children and be even more thankful that all of her grandchildren are alive and healthy and happy. Glory in the togetherness, the happiness, the craziness and love those kids. Those kids have something special - eachother. I was (still am...as if it has changed or something) been an only child. I found myself to be lonely as I grew up. yes, I'd like some time to myself once in a while, but it helps all of us with having 2 sick kids to have something positive and fun and joyous to concentrate on rather than dwelling on the negative.
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March 11th, 2009, 09:35 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,772
I've never gotten negative reactions when i've told people I was pregnant before...My 4th baby was unplanned, and after having 3 girls, I think people wanted me to have a boy...I don't think people were as excited with the 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies as the first, obviously, even though I was just as thrilled! I do however get comments alot from people...It really bothers me when my mom makes comments, or suggestions that i'm done having babies...I'm 29, still young IMO, I have many more years I could have babies...I've been married 10 years, all my children have the same father, we support our kids, and they have everything that their friends have, so they aren't wanting for ANYTHING...I just don't know what the big deal is, and why I get the comments...I also hate comments from strangers too, "are those all yours" "Oh I bet you have your hands full"...I usually say, yes they are mine, and no I don't have my hands full...It's going to be funny to see what people say when i'm pregnant and out with all 4 of the kids haha...My best advice is to ignore the comments, or flat out tell people that it's hurtful, and it's none of their beezwax! Good luck!!
Forever Missing My Baby Girl Ella Grace
Born Sleeping October 14, 2009

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March 21st, 2009, 11:09 AM
MotherFrog's Avatar lost in la la land
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: lost in Iowa
Posts: 6,537
Heidi, your going to have to have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel! Especially the comment about a fourth child ruining your (HER) life. That was pretty rude and uncalled for.

We are TTC our sixth and I've already told my mom that if she hasn't anything positive to say about the whole thing, she doesn't need to bother calling me or our kids. My mom can be pretty mean and intruding and it really ticks me off. One day I had to stand up to her, we got fed up with her baloney.

Just cause she's a parent doesn't mean she can say whatever she wants.

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