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Why do you want another one?

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July 18th, 2010, 11:13 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,472
My DH and I had a talk today after I once again started crying. He didn't want anymore, I was always unsure so we didn't do anything permanent. I was fine with just waiting until I found out I was pg then I suddenly really wanted another one. Now that I've lost it, I want one even more. My DH doesn't understand though. He hasn't said no, but he hasn't said yes either. He wants to know why I want another one.

I don't know what to say. Everything I have said doesn't seem to be enough for him. He says he doesn't want to have another one just to fill some void that I have to have me have another void after. I'm at a total loss as to what to say.
Any advice?

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July 19th, 2010, 07:38 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
I just tell Josh that I dont feel our family is complete. I dont really know what I'd say....I dont always get the right response from Josh either....So it's not like that is any help....I do convince him to wait until he's POSITIVE we dont want any more....which he says he is...but then does nothing permanent. He's said he was DONE after two, though...we have four...and are possibly working on five.

It's hard to explain to a man....they dont have that automatic connection the way women do when we see two lines! It's not like you want to replace the one that was lost...but it showed you how badly you wanted another one.

HUGS I hope you come to an agreement!
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

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In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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July 21st, 2010, 02:03 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 15
I lost a baby also. I did not feel complete not trying again. I am also dealing wth my hubby not wanting another but I do. My family just doesnt feel complete to me yet and I love large family events, holidays, get togethers, events.... the closeness of being a large family. I hope you are able to work this out with him.
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August 17th, 2010, 09:57 PM
mommy to 5
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 49
I too have the same problem. I have 5 children but so very desperately want another. My husband doesnt get it though but has finally agreed
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September 29th, 2010, 12:26 PM
sarahmomma's Avatar Momma to 4
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,201
I want another because I have always wanted 4 and currently we have 3. I don't know why 4 was always my number and I don't know if after a 4th I will be happy to be done but I do know I don't feel like our family is complete yet.
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October 1st, 2010, 07:12 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 5,217
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For the same reasons I wanted number 1. I love babies and kids and watching the miracle of life unfold and getting to be a part of it and watching our family grow .... I don't know why everyone always wants us to explain why we have more than 2, but there is no explanation needed for the first two? Ugh

Martha - Sounds like DH and I. And since I want to go for number five in a few months I liked reading that post, seeing as though you are expecting

Mom x 5

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October 20th, 2010, 06:36 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 5,298
I lost one before I had Martin and now I call him my "little heart healer" because I feel that losing a baby does leave a void. You know how people with only one kid say things like "how do you have enough love for more?" And we anwer that love isn't a pie to be shared, our hearts expands etc. Well I feel that when you lose a baby your heart has already expanded for it. I hope you are able to have another baby I hope you can have a little heart healer too.
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January 23rd, 2011, 10:07 PM
palmetto_moon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,663
I would try just explaining that loosing your baby has left a void and that you can't see completing your family and ending your childbearing days with a loss. Tell him that being pregnant opened your eyes to how excited you really were to have this child and since its been taken from you, you really want to add another baby to your family.

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April 24th, 2011, 10:02 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 998
I have had 4 healthy girls and one molar pregnancy in between them along with 3 m/c and it sounds crazy but it started with my having alot of baby dreams over the past 3 years that made me want to try for another whenever I would think this is nuts and stop thinking about another baby I would start getting dreams again. and also often get the feeling like someone is missing , often getting out an extra plate at the table and when were out and counting kids to make sure their all there I feel as if someone is missing . and the girls really want another sibling , one of my daughters I found out was telling everyone at school her mom was having a baby when I was not and that was heartbreaking when the teacher told me.

I especially understand the need to TTC again after a loss, I was told not to TTC for a year after my molar pregnancy, but got pregnant 6 months later and luckily she was very healthy and it was such joy having her after the loss. it really does help fill the void.
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May 16th, 2011, 04:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 555
I have 3 kids and DH has 1, so 4 between the two of us. I've had 2 miscarriages since my twins were born. My two main reasons for wanting another one are 1) to go through a pregnancy with someone who loves and supports me and 2) to have a baby with DH. I'm going to try not to get my hopes up, especially with the miscarriages, but we will see what happens.
Mom to:
Quinn - 10
Gavyn & Kendric - 8
Joseph - 18 months
Step-mom to:
Kiersten - 8
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