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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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April 14th, 2008, 12:46 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I went to the chiropractor this morning and noticed my favorite staffer wasn't her normal perky self, but just chalked it up to a bad day. As I'm standing at the counter updating my paperwork, her friend came in to talk. Turns out my fave staffer had a m/c recently (HCG was up to 15,000) and her friend *just* finished her first m/c this weekend. I wanted to say all the sorts of things I say to you ladies, but I froze up. I think mostly I didn't want to intrude in what was a private conversation (sort of, ykwim), but I was just so sad to hear two IRL friends having this conversation. Their faces showed the kind of pain that only shows after a m/c. It was just so incredibly sad.

I think I may email her at work and send her links to JM and some other places (like SHARE). She's such a sweet girl and was looking forward to ttc. Makes the momma bear in me want to protect her.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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April 14th, 2008, 01:46 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Southern Iowa
Posts: 23,407
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It is heartbreaking. I would definitely send her JM links. I don't know how I would have gotten this far in my journey TTC and especially dealing with my losses without JM. And that's why I am constantly telling other people about JM. IF I know they want to get pregnant, or are pregnant, or newlyweds that might be thinking about babies.....I tell everyone.

I am sending prayers up for these two IRL friends, and I hope that they are each able to find some comfort in having a friend who knows what they are going through.

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April 14th, 2008, 06:05 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
It is so hard IRL - it really is - especially with people you know casually. I have tried several times to reach out to women with loss - so far it has never done a thing it seems. Often I get brushed off with a quick "I am fine, I am not the kind of person who dwells on this stuff" kind of response. I am not sure if it is discomfort - or if maybe since I have had so many losses they feel we still don't have anything in common - I don't know. I do think offering a suggestion to come here if she wants to talk is great though & a REALLY nice gesture.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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April 15th, 2008, 12:35 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
It's so natural to want to reach out and give comfort and hope because that is something we didn't get IRL. The problem is that here we are sort of anonymous and if we don't want to talk to each other about it, we don't have to, but once you share that connection IRL it's there for GOOD. It's a whole different story when it comes to real life. You are giving a piece of yourself away and that is not easy to do face to face. I work in the surgery center of the hospital that I work in and see women all the time who are having D&C's due to pg loss and I want to reach out to them but the truth is that it's just not feasible. I know how they hurt and I want to put my hand on their hand and tell them I understand but I just can't do it. I want to share my journey with them and let them know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not always a train. I have to be compassionate while being professional at the same time. I really understand the position you were in Kathryn.

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April 16th, 2008, 07:46 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Thanks ladies, I can always count on you to say just what I need to hear!

She emailed me back (yay!) and I sent her links to JM, SHARE, and The MOM Project.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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April 17th, 2008, 09:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
I'm glad you reached out to her. One of the most comforting things that happened to me during one of my losses was with my first m/c. I was getting an ultrasound and sobbing hysterically and the ultrasound tech (a nice lady of about 50) said something like "Honey, I've been right where you are. It's no fun but you'll make it through." That's all she said, but for some reason, knowing that she had m/c'ed and gone on to live through it made me feel better.

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