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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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May 5th, 2008, 09:34 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
What have you learned/taken away from your experience with recurrent loss?
What would you like to share with ladies newly experiencing recurrent loss?
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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May 5th, 2008, 09:43 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
What have you learned/taken away from your experience with recurrent loss?

So much it is hard to list. I have learned that compassion for others is terribly important PARTICULARLY when they are dealing with something I have never dealt with. I no longer see any issue as anything someone needs to "get over" but rather how I might be able to help them cope in the meantime or if there is anything I can do to make their lives a bit easier or let them know that I care that they are struggling even if I cannot relate. It has also taught me that things we take for granted are terribly precious & that I need to appreciate EVERYTHING. I even appreciate the time I did get with my babies even if it was way too short & even if loosing them was painful - having them with me was bliss.

What would you like to share with ladies newly experiencing recurrent loss?

It DOES get easier. You WILL heal if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You won't be th e same as you were before & that is okay. You are strong enough to make it through this (with some good support, patience & sisterhood). You should keep trying if your heart still desires to feel that baby kick. Just when you think you are out of the game might be when your miracle arrives (as it has time & again through women here). You don't deserve this, no one does & you did NOTHING that made you end up here. This isn't fair. People who don't want babies get pg & have babies all the time & no amount of why me changes that. But it is STILL normal to ask "why me".

The only other thing I will say to new ladies is write...write, write, write. The only way to bond with others going through this is to share in each other's experiences. If you don't feel bonded & connected to us yet - it is only because you haven't jumped in & gotten to know us & given us a chance to know you. The ladies here have saved me so much - I cannot even say & it is only through sharing our experiences with each other that we each felt less alone, less isolated & began to feel more hope...more whole again. I invite anyone that feels alone to reach out - we really are here for you!

B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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May 8th, 2008, 01:25 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
What have you learned/taken away from your experience with recurrent loss?
I hate to say it, but one of the things I've learned is that bad things do happen to good people I've also become a lot more compassionate & empathetic - and I have learnt that listening is a really really important thing to do in ANY situation where someone is upset, uncomfortable or something not-so-great is happening. I think I also appreciate more about my life now...

What would you like to share with ladies newly experiencing recurrent loss?
It DOES get better, the pain does get duller... You need to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling - and bottling it up doesn't do any good, I think it makes things worse.... I also think that letting it all out - whether it's talking, writing etc, is a really good thing to do - and can be quite therapeutic.

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