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new here. going through a loss now, need to vent

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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November 10th, 2008, 09:11 PM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Arizona
Posts: 111
I used to be a member of the June 09 DDC

On Saturday, at 10w3d pregnant, I started bleeding a little. I headed for the ER and after having lots of procedures done, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. They sent me home with the orders to check in with my Dr on Monday. Sunday evening, my MC started, lots of cramping and passing all kinds of gory things. I seemed better by about 2 AM and went to bed, only to have the cramping and bleeding start up again, maybe not as bad but still bad. I called the Dr and they told me to go ahead and wait until my appointment on Wednesday to come in and get checked. Anyway, I'm sitting her scared about the process my body is going through and feeling uneasy. I just want this to be over with. I have known since the beginning of my pregnancy that something was wrong and never let myself get fully invested in this pregnancy. It is disapointing to know that after 10 weeks of seemingly carrying a baby, all of that is gone. The fact that there was never a little life inside of me, only an empty sac, does make it much easier emotionally. This is taking a huge toll on me physically, I cannot sleep, I do not feel hungry and I am having bouts of anxiety. My husband is consumed with worry for me, and today looks about 10 year older thana his age. After this experience, I know that I will never choose to try to conceive another baby. I cannot allow my husband or myself to go through this again. This baby was a surprise, and I know that if it had come to be, I would have loved as surely and completley as I love my son. I feel that if I were to be pregnant again, I would be filled with such dread at the rememberance of this outcome that I would turn a joyful time into a nightmare for me and my family.

Thanks for letting me vent here, it feels good to get everything out, even if it is to strangers on the internet.
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November 10th, 2008, 09:35 PM
sportyboymom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 4,233
First, we are all here for you. Everyone on this board knows and understands what you are going through. I was a member of the May DDC and I lost my baby at almost 11 weeks. I didn't miscarry on my own and had to have a D&C two weeks ago now. The first days after my loss were a blur...I was just filled with grief. This would have been our first and I was devastated. I had made some big career decisions lately because I was pregnant. I just felt like I lost everything...my baby and my career.

My DH's heart was broken too. This was our 2nd m/c. After the first, we waited over a year to even think about TTC again. After our last loss, we decided to try again right away even though we are scared to put our hearts out there again.

Please just know that grieving and crying is normal...it will take a while before you see sunshine. Hang in there...we are all here for you.
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November 11th, 2008, 12:52 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Amber I am so sorry for your loss. Please take this time to be good to yourself & to be patient as you try to heal. It is also important to remember to keep taking those vitamins. A mc takes a LOT out of you physically - not just emotionally. As far as not wanting to try again - it is okay if you decide that of course, but it isn't something that you should worry about right now anyway & you have plenty of time to decide that later. every loss i have had has left me feeling like I want to try again right away OR left me feeling like I never want to even think about pg again & both are normal. Either way try right nwo just to focus on being loving & kind to that broken heart of yours.

Much love-
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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November 11th, 2008, 05:01 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,613
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Welcome, Amber. I'm glad you've found us, though I'm sorry you needed to. Feeling like you never want to try again is completely normal. For the first month and a half after losing Gwen, I would let DF touch me. I wanted no risk and would cry at the thought of having sex. I suppose some of that was grief, and some was fear.

We have a great group of ladies here. Feel free to vent, cry, scream, etc, any time.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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November 14th, 2008, 09:57 AM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Carmel, CA
Posts: 5,872
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I'm really sorry you and your husband are going through this. It's such a terrible mix of emotions when you realize you are losing a pregnancy isn't it. I know it's different for everyone since everyone grieves in her own way. For me, it was different with each loss. I remember when I thought I lost my 5th pgcy (turned out I didn't) it was Christmas day, and I spent the day alone filling out adoption paperwork. I was DONE ttc, after three years dedicated to nothing but. For me, each loss was a terrible time of sadness, anxiety and feeling alone. I hope that at least you don't feel alone here on this board where unfortunately so many of us have experienced loss, but can come together and support each other. The ladies on this board have been my rock through it all and I honestly wouldn't have made it without them!


Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!

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