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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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December 1st, 2008, 09:22 AM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 129
Forgive me if I'm in the wrong section for posting questions. I am so sad right now, I can barely function. I am trying to figure this all out in my head so that I can help myself out of this depression and on to better things. I would love your insight and advice.

My name is Lucy and I am currently waiting to miscarry for the 2nd time. My husband and I are both 34 years old. We started TTC our first in September and had a chemical pregnancy right away. I was overjoyed to discover I was pregnant again the next month. After many ups and downs and heartaches in the last few weeks (low progesterone, no heartbeat, heartbeat!, dropping heartbeat) I was told I would miscarry last tuesday 9/25. I kept myself busy over Tgiving with family and nothing happened until we returned home. I've been cramping and bleeding lightly now for about 36 hours.

All I want to do is fast-forward to when we can try again (I'm going to wait one cycle and then try). I am of course grief-stricken but the hope of having a successful pregnancy is the only thing getting me through this. My husband is a wonderful guy and very supportive but I don't think he has any idea what this is like for me and doesn't like to see me sad. I feel like I'll continue to feel very depressed until the miscarriage is over and then I'll be able to look ahead and feel better. Is this naive?

My questions are:
If I have a D&C today or tomorrow, will my next normal period come sooner? I heard I could potentially bleed for 3-4 weeks!
Can I have a D&C if I've already started lightly bleeding?
How soon has anyone had a successful pregnancy after a m/c?
If my cramps and bleeding haven't increased much, could this potentially take a long time? I'm praying to get it over with quickly.

Thank you so much for the personal stories you've posted, they have been so helpful to me. There are so many strong women out there who have been through much worse than I have and are still on here posting to help others. I am very grateful for any advice or comfort you can give. I feel so alone right now.

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December 1st, 2008, 09:41 AM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 12
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I am here joining you as I recently found out that my baby had died. I was almost 12 weeks pregnant and found out that the baby's heartbeat had stopped at 9 weeks 6 days. Everything had looked great prior to then. Unfortunately this is not my first loss. I had four miscarriages prior to the birth of my DD. I had both natural miscarriages and D&C's. I believe it is a very personal choice what you want to do. This time I just wanted to move on so I opted for the D&C. Sometimes it can take a while for your body to expel everything. I bleed for about two weeks with one of my natural miscarriages. With my D&C's it has been less. You should still be able to get a D&C with some light bleeding. I had one after I pretty much passed everything but my levels were still a little elevated. finally, I had a miscarriage in April 2006 and was pregnant with my daughter in November 2006. Due to my history I had to get IVF with PGD done, but my body was able to handle that pregnancy wonderfully. I wish you luck. Thinking of you!

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December 1st, 2008, 09:52 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,613
First of all let me start by saying Welcome and that I am so sorry for your losses. Though, I am glad you have found us.

Unfortunately, I cannot answer your questions, as I have not had a D&C. I can, however, tell you what you are feeling is very normal. It will take some time, but it will slowly get better. It has been a year since my last miscarriage. I think of my babies every day, but I don't cry all the time anymore. It does get easier. (Quicker for some women than others.)

Feel free to post any questions, concerns, etc. We have a great group of supportive girls here. I hope someone will be able to answer the questions you've asked soon. Also, if you post in the Roll Call sticky, I'll be sure to add your dates to my calender and will make a point to remember you on those days.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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December 1st, 2008, 10:58 AM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: LakeHOOD, WA
Posts: 276
Hello and I'm very sorry for your loss. I am 23 and just had my fourth loss last month. I have had 2 d&c's this year. There are risks involved with d&c's as well as naturally miscarrying. From my experience with natural miscarriage it was absolutely horrible and I was in horrible labor pains for hours and hours (though some people have no trouble at all). More like days and I bled for weeks. My first d&c I bled afterwards for several weeks and then I started taking the pill until tests results were back and okay and then I got off the pill after a month and a half or so and had my period. I got pregnant in Sept. and my D&C was on June 27th. I had a miscarriage at the same point in this pregnancy and opted for a d&c again. I could've waited but with my previous pregnancy it was weeks and weeks before we found out I'd had a missed miscarriage (not a blighted ovum) and I felt awful, and this time I was feeling pretty awful too, and we didn't know how long it would be before my body miscarried. Some people go months! I don't know if I'll have another d&c if it comes down to it, jut because I've already had two. The healing physically is much quicker with a d&c though. I don't know if your period comes any sooner, because with my natural miscarriage I had it took about the same amount of time to get my period back. About 4-6 weeks. With a d&c you are supposed to wait one cycle before trying again, and the bleeding after the d&c IS NOT considered a cycle. I have had some people say it is but they are very mistaken in that. So you have to wait for your period, and then you can start trying again. Some doctors say wait 3 months but I don't know if that helps or not. I personally think it'll happen when it's supposed to. Anyway, if you have anymore questions feel free to ask away. I'm sorry about your loss, and I hope everything goes well....Oh and yes you can have a d&c even if you've started bleeding!
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December 1st, 2008, 12:25 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Lucy - welcome to our group. I am so very sorry for your losses. You have a lot of valid questions as well as valid feelings. I have not had a D&C so I cannot tell you anything from personal experience on that. I can tell you that when your cycle returns depends entirely on YOUR body & either way isn't likely to effect that. Dr's typically do like you to wait at least one cycle after a D&C to make sure you have a complete uterine lining rebuilt though. I can't say my natural mcs were easy but they were bearable. What is bearable to one vs another also varies. I personally knew that for myself I could not imagine going to sleep & waking up knowing they took by baby out - I know that is weird, but somehow going through all of pain & cramping in order to pass the baby myself somehow felt like it validated for me what was happening to me emotionally. I think for me having a D&C would feel very surreal. I also am nervous about D&C's as they can cause scarring which has the potential to effect future fertility...so I personally probably would opt to wait it out & get one if I needed it only. Around here (from other women I have spoken to) it is rare that a Dr will offer one & most are really pushing patients to try & go natural if at all possible as it has lower risks. I did have one Dr that tried to push me toward a D&C - but all the others I came across were more like I described (discouraged it unless there was something to warrant it). All you can do is research & then decide. Every person has to decide for themselves what is best for them.

As far as wanting to TTC again right away to feel better - I think I might hold off honestly. You may feel differently - and you should do what you think is right. What I can tell you (and I am your age exactly BTW) is that what you are feeling right this moment is NOT what you will be feeling in a week - or in two weeks, or in three...... It changes, it is multi-layered & you cannot predict what you will be feeling this evening, let alone by the next time you ovulate. Many times there is an urge to be pg again right away - because frankly you want to be pg with a healthy baby right now. Emotionally it may not be the healthiest approach though. It takes time to process feelings & to get to the nitty gritty of what is really brewing underneath. That is why most Dr's recommend three months - it is typically a more realistic idea of how long before you quit having such strong triggers & such unpredictable pitfalls. I know going through the mc is rough - I do - believe me, but I also know that getting it "over" isn't the end of it - that is when you start relaly delving into the emotional upheaval of it all.

Just so that you are aware - you do qualify to have some testing done now. If you are past 30 with 2 consecutive mcs you can start testing (at least by insurance standards). It doesn't have to be anything major, but you may as well get some of the more routine things done (like thyroid, etc). Many times they can catch something in those simple blood tests & IF it is there, it is better to know now then after another loss. If you were under 30, most Drs would wait out one more loss, but if you don't have to - why not just get some blood work done? They test things typically that are good to be tested for anyway (like thyroid, diabetes, etc) and at least you would have some idea one way or another. You can go as far as you want with testing - or opt to do none...it is totally up to you. If you would like blood tests but nothing more invasive you can do that. If you want the whole gamut you can do that too - or you can opt to do none at all. I just want to make sure you have considered all of your options.

I wish you all the best & again welcome to our group. I hope that you feel welcomed, validated, supported & understood!
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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December 1st, 2008, 01:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,708
Welcome!!! I am so very sorry to hear of your losses. All of the emotions that you are having are completely normal, feel them and go with them. It is all part of the healing process.

I have had 4 m/c's, two natural, two d&c's. I had my period about 4-6 weeks after I stopped bleeding with both of them. I was told to wait one cycle after each, it didn't matter if I had a natural m/c or D&C.

As far as how soon I had a successful pregnancy after a m/c, I think that everyone is different. For me, I had two m/c's then a successful pg, two more m/c's and now I am on pregnancy #6 and am 11w along. You may have a successful pg, you may not. My advice....Talk to your dr. Ask about possible reasons for m/c. Ask about testing that can be done that would cause a m/c. I truly believe that knowledge is power....learn what you can about m/c, possible causes and talk with your dr. If he/she doesn't give you the answers you are looking for, find another OB that will listen to you.

In the end, there is hope. My DD brings a smile to my face every day. I would go thru 400 m/c's if it meant that I got to spend my life with her. It sucks right now, but in the end it is worth it.

If you have more questions, ask away!!!
4 Angels in Heaven - March 2005, January 2006, January 2008, August 2008

Stella Rae - May 22, 2009, 7lb 3oz, 20in and 4 weeks early!!!

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December 1st, 2008, 03:31 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
Welcome sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I've had on "D&C" (was a different surgical option) and a natural, and I much prefered the natural route. I didn't have much of a choice the first time. I bled for three weeks and had my first AF 6 weeks after the procedure and I was on normal cycles again. After my natural I didn't ever again have a natural cycle.. I started the pill this month to regulate myself.. but I do ovulate. My natural m/c only took 4 days and it was actually milder than a normal period, just with stronger cramping.

It's a personal choice at this point on whether you want to go surgical or natural. However, they do not recomend you try again first cycle with a D&C as someone above stated.. the want to make sure there are no complications with your first cycle.

Good luck with your choice, and KUP on what you do.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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December 2nd, 2008, 07:45 AM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 129
Thank you so much for responses, ladies. I am deeply touched that you took the time to give me such great answers.

I decided to get a D&C yesterday and I'm glad I did. The procedure was painful for 30 seconds with mild cramping afterwards and that's it. Even though I had been planning on naturally miscarrying (I try to do everything with as little medical intervention as possible), I just didn't want to carry around that much sadness for an undetermined amount of time. Of course I don't expect the mourning and grief to just disappear with the pregnancy, but I have been through so much other grief in my life, that if I took extended time to grieve every piece of bad luck I would be in constant mourning.

I know this is not for everyone and I certainly can understand why one should be patient with the grieving process and see it through, but for me, I need closure. There is nothing for me "brewing underneath". All my emotions are on the surface and what has happened is I had an unhealthy pregnancy - bad luck that I will get through and get past. That's not to say that others didn't need more time than I do, everyone is different.

I will now wait through my next normal cycle, hopefully sometime in January, and then try after that. Sound reasonable?

I am so sorry for all your losses as well. Thank you again. This is really a group of inspirational women.
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December 2nd, 2008, 10:21 PM
DawnN's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 4,517
(((((Lucy)))))))) I just saw this post. I'm so sorry, honey. I am glad you found us, though.

If I have a D&C today or tomorrow, will my next normal period come sooner? I know you already had the d&c...from my experiences (I've had several d&c's), I bled for a few days and then my period tried to get right back on track..with the exception of my last d&c. It took a month for my hcg levels to go back to 0 (but only with that m/c).

How soon has anyone had a successful pregnancy after a m/c? My dd, Sarah, was conceived 2nd cycle after a m/c.

Know that I am praying for you. Please feel free to pm me anytime. Again, I am so so sorry.
Married 8/11/90 ~ Terry Bechor m/c'd 11/26/03, Thomas A. III m/c'd 7/15/04,
Sarah E. born 6/24/05, Tabitha Zipporah m/c'd 4/?/06, Theodore David m/c'd 8/27/06,
Taylor Lynn m/c'd 2/07/07, Benjamin E. born 3/25/08, Catherine A. born 6/03/09

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December 3rd, 2008, 07:20 PM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Carmel, CA
Posts: 5,872
Oh Lucy, I just saw this post & am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage/ D&C. I just wanted to add to the advice you've gotten already, that I've conceived the cycle following a m/c, and my successful IVF followed two cycles after the last m/c.

Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!

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December 4th, 2008, 02:51 AM
miraceti's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Zagreb-Croatia
Posts: 360
I am very sorry for your loss.
The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.- CG Jung
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December 9th, 2008, 07:08 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Lucy- I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand why you decided to have a d&C. I actually have had 3 and for me I just had to. I could not walk around feeling pregnant, looking pregnant but knowing that my little one was gone. It was too awful to even comprehend. I could never expel my babies naturally, and twice after weeks of trying to hold out, I ended up going with a d &c for closure, at least physically as well. I am glad you made the decision that was right for you. Unfortunately I had mutiple medical issues that caused my losses so it wasn't until all of these issues were address did I have a successful pregnancy. I wish you the very best and pray that this next cycle is "the one" and you get your healthy baby. (((hugs)))
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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