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Christmas sucks.

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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December 21st, 2008, 03:06 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I just can't seem to get in the Christmas spirit this year. We didn't even bring our tree out of the attic until today, and, honestly, the only reason I care about it going up is that we'll be having company. This evening I'm pretty much forcing myself to listen to Christmas music while decorating the tree and watch a Christmas movie in an attempt to dig up the holiday spirit. Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. I loved everything about it. But this year is different. Every time I think about Christmas Day, I can't seem to feel that holiday joy. Instead I just want to cry. I want my babies here. Dominic would be walking, he'd be able to open gifts (with assistance of course), he even be talking a tiny bit. I hate this! Why can't we (all of us) be normal? Why can't we celebrate and be happy like everyone else? Why are we robbed of some of life's biggest joys? WHY!?!

Sorry, if this bought anything up anything for anyone. I'm just having a really hard time this Christmas.

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Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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December 21st, 2008, 03:14 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm feeling the same way hun. Matthew and Mark (or Hayden and Ezra as they would have been called) would be two and a half this year, running around causing meyham (Hadyen means Heathen) and Mattie (who would have been Hannah or Aimee) would be snuggled to my chest watching all the craziness. I want them here, but I know deep in my heart that they had a higher purpose so they went to heaven instead. I don't know what said higher purpose was for Mattie, but I believe that Matthew and Mark went to be with their grandfather so he wouldn't be so alone in heaven. Mattie possibly went to her half sisters for company, but I'm not 100% sure.

My tree's been up and is now back in storage. I leave for home on Tuesday so I didn't see the reason to leave it up. Next year I want a mini tree that I can leave up. I even packed away my angel figurines so I can take them home and have them close to me for the holidays... but so far my holiday spirit is resting with scrooge somewhere... because I have nil.
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