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first time in ages.. I miss my babies

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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January 17th, 2009, 09:28 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
It's been a long time since I felt depressed about my angels - for the most part they are the least of my worries - I have other things that are on my mind (god that sounds awful of me doesn't it)...

... but today for some reason - I don't know, maybe it's my bad mood - I'm just missing my angels. I don't have any anniversaries coming up until May, so it's not like that is the reason. I just miss them though. Yesterday or the day before I had a moment where I missed my angel who I lost last - Addison, and being honest, I didn't really feel the need to mourn when I lost her, because it was such awful timing for a pregnancy - and I was considering having a termination... As it was I miscarried, so that decision was taken out of my hands - which I have to say I'm glad of.

Right now it is dark outside, there is thunder & lightning & it is raining - whenever the weather is like this, it makes me think of my angels, and I feel as though it is my angels' way of communicating with me. Weird, yes - but it gives me some peace.

Maybe part of what I am feeling is stemming from the fact that lately, I have wanted so badly to be able to make Gaby a big sister - so she can have a sibling to play with & grow up with.. but that obviously isn't going to happen. Me & Tim have only been together a month, so it isn't like it's something I can bring up with him! Plus he has a 5mo son, so I doubt he'd be wanting another child anytime soon....

AND THEN I feel like poop for complaining about wanting ANOTHER baby, when there are so many women on here who are still waiting for their miracle baby.....

Just not a good day...

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January 18th, 2009, 07:40 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Emma, don't feel guilty about wanting Gaby to be a big sister. Yes, there are those of us that don't have any children on Earth yet, but that doesn't make you any less deserving of another child.

If you need to talk, I'm hoping to be on tonight (in chat) and on IM.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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January 18th, 2009, 03:14 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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ah hun.... HUGS.

I know how you feel about feeling torn. The twins were going to be a possible termination before I lost them, so sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be upset about them being gone... but we're human.. and we loved them regardless.

LOL.. you're young, Gaby's young, you have lots of time to make her a big sister!! I was 7.5 when I got my first little sibling, and mom still says she'd never have done it different. Meant I was able to do what was needed to do to help out. I was warming breastmilk the first week he was home! SO you've got lots of time to give her a sibling!

And yes.. you should come in Chat tonight.. I'm home.. so I'll make it in!
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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January 18th, 2009, 07:21 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
thanks ladies..

I guess i've just always had this mindset that i would have children at __ and have them __ years apart.... and now things aren't working that way, it's weird..

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January 18th, 2009, 08:43 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,522
I didn't get a younger sibling until I was 25! Don't feel too bad! I know what you mean by 'suddenly' feeling sad all over again!

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