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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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March 3rd, 2009, 06:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,859
Hi ladies - I had 2 early m/c's (5w3d and 4w4d) right before getting preggo with my dd, who is now 22 months. We just lost our 3rd baby, at 13w4d. The baby had down syndrome and a cystic hygroma that enveloped its entire body. We're grieving now, but we know beautiful healthy babies come after loss - my dd is absolute proof of that! DH and I are both going to have genetic testing done.

Here is my post from my Sept DDC today (to give you a glimpse into my current state of well being)...

Hi everyone. We found at our doctor’s appointment yesterday that our baby had passed away this weekend. In truth, I was not surprised, as I hadn’t been able to find the baby’s heartbeat on my Doppler since Friday night. It is nonetheless so sad to me to know that DH and I won’t get to raise this child. My doctor is going to schedule a D&C for sometime this week or next as they don’t think the baby would pass naturally at this point. Please continue to pray for peace and closure for us as we go through this. We know that God is in control and that helps, but sometimes it is hard to remember that in the midst of difficult situations.

I want to thank you for all of your kind thoughts and prayers over the past few weeks. It was been an emotional rollercoaster for DH and I to say the least, but I know the unbelievable peace I experienced over the past 2 weeks was nothing short of God’s hand on my heart as a direct result of all of your prayers. So, truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As DH and I process this and reflect upon our experience, there are a few things I wanted to say and I hope, in light of my recent experience, you’ll take a moment to listen. Experiences like this change you, there is no doubt about that. They alter how you look at things, what you do and don’t take for granted.

Please do not think that DH and I are relieved that this child has passed, that we have somehow dodged a bullet in not having to raise a special needs child. While we are immensely grateful that, if the child wasn’t going to make it, it passed sooner rather than later, we are so sad to have lost this life – to have lost the opportunity to raise a child with special needs. God had really given me such peace in the past 2 weeks – not just to accept, but to embrace, a Down Syndrome child. I was excited for what that would bring. I know that this child would have brought such love and compassion into our family. And I cannot wait to meet this little girl in Heaven someday.

I also learned something profound during this experience. I took for granted that we lived in a society that respected life – all life. I was wrong. We were thrust into a medical community whose first response was to suggest that we kill our child because he or she wasn’t perfect. And even behind the “you’re being so strong” faces of our friends, we know many who felt they could not have made the same decision we were making not to terminate a child regardless of the circumstances. I cannot express how much this saddens me. I know many of you do not feel the same way that I do regarding abortion, but however you couch it, be it “termination” or “interruption of a pregnancy,” it is taking a life. And if we, as a society, will not step up to protect the most innocent among us, who cannot speak up for themselves, how can we argue for respect of any of us? If we terminate unborn children now because they have Down Syndrome, what does that say for children and adults living with the Syndrome? It says your life is not worth living. They have recently found a gene linked to autism tendencies. Is that what’s next? It is such a frightening slippery slope – and such a sad, sad reflection on man at his worst. And this is to say nothing of the millions and millions of totally healthy “normal” children who are killed every year simply for convenience.

I know that God is bigger than this and His plans are greater than we can fathom. And I know that while DH and I have learned a lot and grown through this experience, I am open to the possibility that it is not even about us. Perhaps it is about someone in our community who may face a similar challenge in the future. It is my sincerest hope that maybe our experience will have touched them in some way so that they might make the same choice – to honor their child, to love their child, and to sanctify that child’s life from the very first opportunity given. Our children should expect no less of us.

Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers – they have meant more to us than you can know. Please continue to hold us in your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks. I will be praying for healthy and happy pregnancies for you all! :-)

Our C-section is scheduled for Feb 16th! Then we'll know whether Baby Bennett is a BOY or a GIRL!!!
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March 3rd, 2009, 06:47 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,613
A sad, but warm welcome to RPL. I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm Augie, cohost of the board. I have had three losses as well: two chemicals and one at 11w. If you ever need anything, let me know.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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March 3rd, 2009, 07:13 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
HUGS sweetie, I'm so sorry you've lost your little one.

But I feel compelled to address your decision not to terminate, and I wish I could hug you for your words. I've heard of so many terminating for Downs and it saddens me. I chose to terminate because my babies were not going to survive (found out they had Trisomy 8 complete), but had they had even a slim chance, I would have given anything for them. But I just want to say that you and your husband are such special people to have accepted and embraced the child that God had given you and your post moved me to tears.

HUGS sweetie, good luck with TTC, and please please please, keep us posted on your journey
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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March 4th, 2009, 08:51 AM
Posts: n/a

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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