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The male point of view

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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August 14th, 2010, 04:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,568
Is you DH/SO open about his feelings towards your losses?

If not, how do you handle it?

If so, do you speak of it often?

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August 14th, 2010, 07:53 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 10,571
He handles it in a VERY different way than me, which can sometimes be quite frustrating, but I think it balances out nicely.
I am very vocal & outwardly emotional about it while he keeps it inside more.
At first, I thought he didn't care but after talking to a good friend who has gone through this as well, I learned that men handle it differently & that is okay.
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August 15th, 2010, 01:29 AM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: France
Posts: 3,736
Mine is very open and understanding.
He never cries (I do that enough for both of us) so at first I didn't realize how much it affected him, but he wrote a song about it and he plays it on his guitar or on the piano pretty often.
I've noticed that once I start perking up and feeling almost normal again, that's when he goes through a depressive phase. He tries to stay strong for me when I need it.
It's a bit hard to finally be feeling better and to have to be even stronger for him though but he does it for me so...

I love the fact that even though we react very differently we are there for one another and we really can talk about it and get it. So many people just.don't.get.it.

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August 15th, 2010, 05:52 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Posts: 19,613
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Is you DH/SO open about his feelings towards your losses? Not as open as I'd like sometimes.

If not, how do you handle it? I posted here about it a lot for a while. Lately he's been showing the hurt more. I think it helps me to hear that he's hurting too.

If so, do you speak of it often? I talk of my babies almost daily.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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August 16th, 2010, 10:43 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,740
DH always took our losses very hard. After my first early loss I think it took him much more time to heal than it took me. He'll still sometimes say "Do you realize our first baby would have been _ old now?"

After we lost Sophie we had a very fine balancing act of grief. There would be days where he'd walk in the house and I would be curled up in a ball, crying. He would come over and hold me and tell me it would be ok. The next day I'd have to do the same for him. The loss of her almost destroyed us both.

So I guess I'd say short term he healed much more slowly. But I think my losses have left a much more profound, deep imprint on me. I think Grace healed him from the pain of Sophie, as much as anyone can ever be healed from something like that. I don't think I can ever forget what holding my 16 week old baby felt like.

*Thank you so much to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!*

Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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