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family/friends with one mc in the past

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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June 20th, 2006, 07:47 PM
srs srs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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First off, my disclaimer: this in no way refers to anyone on the pg loss board, because those are all recent losses and everyone has a good deal of uncertainty.
For some reason, I've started to not want to hear about Aunt Someone who had a mc (one) fifteen years ago but otherwise had plenty of kids and was fine. I just don't see how that is relevant to how I'm feeling, and it sure doesn't make me feel better. It's all fine now, but I'm sure it wasn't when it was going on, and everyone didn't know things would turn out fine, and furthermore, the second loss adds a whole new element of uncertainty to the whole process. I never thought I would feel like someone's success story would bother me. I used to take a lot of comfort in those stories, but now my story is not following the happy ending script (so far), so I just don't want to hear them. I'm sure it only gets worse the more losses you have.

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June 20th, 2006, 09:37 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,480
I know what you mean. That is why we need this board. We take things differently than someone who has had only one loss. The ladies over on the p/g loss board who have had only one loss can still believe that that will be them. That they will get p/g again and every subsequent p/g that they might have will turn out fine, with no problems during the p/g whatsoever. After you have more than one loss, everything changes. You can never rest easy as you know that there are too many things that can go wrong, and even if you make it farther than the last time, you are never sure that you are in a safe zone. You have a harder time buying into those stories because you can no longer identify with that person.

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June 22nd, 2006, 06:14 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I agree with the stories. I totally appreciate the understanding I get from a woman that has been there & has gone on to have a healthy baby - and when they say hang in there - it's tough & then tell me their story - not as "proof" everything will be fine - but in an acknowledgement that there is still hope & it's hard to hold onto that.

I do get tired of being told "success" stories of someone that the teller barely sounds like they're even aqauinted with... "My cousin's Aunt So & So, was a neighbor to this lady..."
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
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June 22nd, 2006, 09:37 PM
srs srs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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That's true. When it comes from the actual woman who actually went through it all, it gives me some hope. I think what bothers me most is that it's so easy for people to pass off one mc as a fluke thing, and now that I have had two I'm less likely to buy into the "it's probably a fluke" attitude, because that's what I thought last time, and now I'm right back where I started. I feel a bit bad about my attitude, because I know people are only telling me mc stories to make me feel better, and it used to make me feel better, but now it's making me feel worse. Has anyone else experienced this? It might just be because the 2nd mc is so recent, and I'm in full blown grief mode.

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June 23rd, 2006, 09:22 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
it used to make me feel better, but now it's making me feel worse. Has anyone else experienced this? It might just be because the 2nd mc is so recent, and I'm in full blown grief mode.[/b]
Right there with you. I don't need to hear second, third, seventeenth hand stories about other women who have had m/c. Just seems to stack the odds against me and I'd rather not hear it unless they were personally involved. I'm learning to tune it out and trying not to be a smart ***** back to them (soooo tempting). So I guess that could count as "getting better"?
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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