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just talking to a lady today who adopted

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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June 23rd, 2006, 08:17 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 3,742
Got a new neighbor so we had a welcome brunch with a few ladies on my culdesac. My nosey neighbor that thinks that I'm some how obligated to tell her how my fertility is going ask me how things are going in front of the brand new neighbor. Well we all have had fertility problems but I just felt like she over stepped her nosey boundries. Anyway, later the new neighbor starts telling me that she had a group of friends and she remembers looking around the room, and each lady had did some type of fertility treatment or another and all had kids, a few with multiples. Then she assumed I was doing invitro, and I'm not. I'm just taking clomid and trying naturally since we can seem to get pregnant. She had done invitro, and I guess it was not successfull hence she adopted a beautiful little chinese girl. Anyway, it bugged me that she thought that I was doing invitro. And I have to realize that I need to accept that they may be my fate. But I feel like invitro is for those who cannot get pregnant. I'm still holding on to the fact that I can....I dunno, I have some survival of the fittest emotions going on...I'm terrible. So, I tell her if that doesn't work, that we have a surrogate. Then she tells me that one of her friends gave her other friend eggs and she had a baby. Well that bugged me again, as if my eggs aren't good, and I'm using my sister in laws eggs. God I hope she didn't think that I would use my sister in laws eggs to have my husband sperminate. She offered to be our surrugate, holding my egg and his sperm. So all that happened b/c my nosey neighbor opened her mouth. Just thought I would share..
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June 23rd, 2006, 08:25 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Oh wow, what a day. I don't even really know what to say. I'm thinking that's a neighbor you don't need to spend a lot of time with. (((Hugs)))
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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June 24th, 2006, 12:39 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
That is why I try to tell as few people as possible - I hate people's 2 cents....

I think she wayyyy over stepped sharing htat info in front of others. Either she really doesn't get it - or she's a b&^^%. Maybe both. I agree with Iris - I would just keep some distance.

I barely know my neighbors. We know first names & say hello while doing yardwork,etc..and I am glad. There are many that don't even know about our most recent loss...even in friends & I am glad for that as well. They know enough already & I don't want to be asked about it - or feel like I need to update anyone on progress. I wish your neighbor had hte common sense to understand that you may not want to share every detail with everyone all the time.

BTW - I think it's lovely that your SIL has offered to be a surrogate if you need that. That is quite a gift. I don't think I would know anyone if that need arose for us. Unfortuantely with the chromosomal issue - that doesn't really help us any.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
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June 24th, 2006, 09:59 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I know I replied to this post earlier, but Beck's post reminded me about my neighbor. I've only mentioned our m/c's to one neighbor, but she's had the uncanny timing to show up 2-3 days after each loss because our boys were playing together and ask how my pg was going (DS was excited and told everyone we met he was getting a baby sister - who turned out to be a brother). After the second m/c, she opened up and said she'd delivered a stillborn at 5 months who had strangled in his cord. Hearing her story helped a lot because my grief was still so fresh and I knew she was expressing how deeply she understood my loss. I wish everyone could be so understanding and compassionate, but wouldn't wish personal experience on them for anything. As Beck said, distance is good.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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June 25th, 2006, 10:25 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
I definitly feel like people talk to much! Sometimes I just want to tell them all to shut the f up and what do they know about it...this whole people are well intentioned but...you know what? I'm tired. i am so tired of "well intentioned" people talking out of their ***** and striving to "make me better" only resulting in A. offending me b. hurting me or c. (the most common) PISSING ME OFF!
Anyway, wewantaminime.. I am so sorry your privacy was invaded and that this new neighbor made you feel like you swhould be doing something different then you are. It's your body, your family, you make the choices that are right for YOU>
Oh adn sorry if this post is so angry...I've just had it today I guess
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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June 26th, 2006, 07:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 3,742
Thanks girls, I'm going to fix the nosey neighbor. I can't have this nonsense going on in my safe place you know what I mean.
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