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Freaked Out!!!

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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June 28th, 2006, 11:26 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Okay...I'm freaking out here and in a huge panic.

Background Info:
I had a missed m/c at 11 weeks and the baby had died 8 weeks. I had no spotting or cramping until my u/s and was completely shocked that I had a m/c. As a result, I had a D&C (with suction) on May 26 and bleed fairly heavy for almost 2 weeks after.

I think because the suction was used along with the D&C, the surgeon just got the bleeding started but didn't really scrap a lot away. When I woke up in the recovery room I had some pretty intense cramps but I later found out that a med used to bring on contractions was in my IV, and being used to stimulate my uterus to contract.

DH & I hadn't been together since I found I was pg late March, and a few days after I finished bleeding (about 2.5 weeks after the D&C) we spontaneously BD. We were shocked since it was the first time in almost a year were it wasn't timed! I figured we were fokay to BD because the bleeding was done (less chance of infection) and I was feeling like my old self again. After the surgery for my ectopic pg on Oct 31 it took 6.5 weeks for AF to show up again so I never even considered that I might actaully O so soon.

We had decided to wait a few months to TTC since I'm in my sister's wedding is in June 07 and I didnt' want give birth just before the wedding, or be in the 3rd trimester. We were excited to go away last week and planned to start training for run a 5K race in October. We had come to terms with the lose but we're going to start counselling and made some fun plans for the future with the focus on being us.

Where am I going with this?
I was monitoring my levels by taking HPT's at weekly intervals. Almost 3 weeks after the D&C I started getting negative results and felt good knowing that my body was healing and on it's way to recovery. I started temping again because I wanted to see what my body was doing. My temps started high but then went back into my normal cycle pattern (hindsight is 20/20, right?).

Yesterday I took a HPT (don't ask me why...I guess to comfirm that it really was negative like the last few ones) and to my complete shock and utter surprise it came back BFP!?! I'm so confused!!! A huge part of me is thinking that it's just left over hormones but then why was the test negative at 3 weeks. Maybe I didn't really look at it properly. I'm so worried and concerned if it really is a BFP because I haven't had AF yet since the D&C and what if I m/c again. Last week I had a few drinks every day because we were on vacation (I never got drunk or tipsey) but that's besides the point.

I'm also scared to let my doctor know because I feel like this is all in my head and we didn't wait like we had planed on. I checked my cervix this morning and can feel what feels like the beginning of a mucus plug and I started having a few cramps 2 days ago. There are no other symptoms that would make me question this. What the heck is going on. I can't bring myself to get excited because this wasn't planned and what the heck have we done!?!

Don't get me wrong...if I am pg we're thrilled beyond words but I'm terrified of another m/c and this happening so close to the D&C. I know nothing can be comfirmed until I find the courage to see a doctor but I'm scared of doctors, and only seem to get bad news from them lately. I know this is a weird post and I sound all over the place, but this is the first time I've allowed myself to even remotely consider that possibility that I'm pg again.

What have I done???
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
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June 28th, 2006, 12:13 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Oh sweetie!! First take a deep breath (Ok, maybe two or three) and calm down just a bit. You and I both know that God works things out according to His plan. He's been with you and this little bean since before its conception and will remain with you every minute going forward. Instead of letting fear in, use the time to pray for peace, comfort, strength, and guidance. I'll do the same.

I'm very happy for you!! Congrats on the BFP and I'll add prayers for a sticky bean, too.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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June 28th, 2006, 04:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
God works in mysterious ways. I conceived my little boy without trying at all, as a matter of fact we were trying NOT to. I had my 6th m/c August 25 and it was pretty much the same way as yours (baby stopped developing at 8 weeks and found by u/s at 11 weeks followed by D&C) but my body gets right back into the swing of things quickly and I had AF on Sept 27. October 9 I gave in to my husbands needs, and by Halloween I was pg again. I can tell you I was scared , and yes I was freaked out too and I sat on the floor in my closet and cried for one hour after I got my BFP. I then got up off the floor and told myself to just enjoy the time I had with this baby and only give it positive energy. I started making a new pregnancy journal (which I did with each pregnancy) and just took it one day at a time.

So that being said, enjoy it and congrats on your BFP. Take it one day at a time and enjoy each of those days.

visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
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June 28th, 2006, 05:16 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Oh hun - just call the Dr. If you are (which it sounds you are) you might as well have it confirmed. Then like others said - just accept it. It is what it is & you need to try your best to be okay with it no matter what & enjoy whatever you get. There is no controlling it - whichever way it goes & the bes tyou can do for your heart is to just take each day for what it is. Of course you will have worries & things crop up, but do your best to rationalize that it will not help you to think that way. Also - I would call the Dr to see if you can have your progesterone checked. If I remember right you haven't had any results from testing (I could be wrong - it's hard to keep everything straight sometimes)...and your Dr might opt to put you on progesterone supplements.

I wish you all the best no matter what & remember to just breathe when you feel that anxiety creeping in,
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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June 28th, 2006, 07:43 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Thanks for the encouragement everybody. I told DH tonight when we out for dinner that I suspected I was pg and he was just beaming and said he had hoped it owuld happen soon and not planned!

I took another test this afternoon and it's darker than yesterdays test. I'm going to call the doctor (as much as I don't want to) and get in for a blood test. I really hope it's a real BFP and not left over hcg, but I'm so scared to get my hopes up. I guess that's what the worry is from. Fear that it's not really happening and I'm talking myself into something.

I guess we got an extra special souvenir from our trip!

Now I'm off to take some more deep breaths...
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
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June 28th, 2006, 07:59 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,480
Congratulations on the BFP!!! Now just relax until you can get to the doctor.

10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

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June 28th, 2006, 08:55 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Good luck at the dr. I hope it is a BFP (which it does sound like), and I wish you all the best.

Need Breastfeeding Support?

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June 28th, 2006, 09:46 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 653
God works in mysterious ways.[/b]
I second this notion. I agree, might as well contact the doctor to find out for sure if this is really a pos. hpt. Just keep taking those deep breaths. My dh's cousin had a m/c the around the same time as my first m/c. She ended up getting pregnant that very first cycle as well and she's doing just fine - due in Oct.

I'll keep you in my prayers, hopefully God is finally giving you a break!

Married to Eric since June 25, 2005
mom to
3 Angel babies and Ryan and Rachel
Ryan born 6-18-08
Rachel born 3-20-10
Baby boy due on 2-24-14

Everything Good comes on time - we just don't know when that time is.
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