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feelings toward becoming pregnant again?

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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November 8th, 2011, 12:17 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
How do you feel about becoming pregnant again after your loss?

This has been on my mind a lot. We have kind of resigned to the fact that I can not carry a child to term and that our daughter is nothing short of a miracle and an exception to the rules. Our next pregnancy could be "the one", but I feel like we've been blessed more then we can imagine and don't "deserve" another miracle. I feel like a couple who has not experienced the joy of taking a baby home deserves the miracle more.
What is bothering me the most, or unsettling, is that if I were to become pregnant I don't want to know. Our next pregnancy might be "the one", but what if it isn't? I don't want to know, get excited, get lab work, start progesterone supplements, do all that only to start bleeding a week later. I'd rather be blissfully unaware. I'd rather just "think" that I am having a crazy long cycle...even if deep down I know that it probably isn't a crazy long cycle I don't have the confirmation of a BFP. Honestly, I'd be perfectly content in 9 months to be like "OMG, its a baby!!! I had no idea I was pregnant!!!!" I know that isn't smart....but it just "feels" easier.

On top of that I'm fearful of becoming pregnant because we have a "plan." We are taking classes to become foster parents. We have some daycare plans brainstormed. I have a job. I have things visioned out that don't include getting pregnant. I "heard" that majority of general foster parents wind up pregnant if they have previously been TTC but experienced infertility. I told DH we will NOT be one of those couples. BUT, its not like we've been preventing. And I'm late. And I just have a "feeling." And.....I just am scared to take a test because I'm afraid to see a BFP. I want to be blissfully unaware if this isn't "the one."
Proud Mommy To My Princess (5)
Watching over us -- August 2005, March 2010, October 2010, July 2011
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November 8th, 2011, 03:41 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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*HUGS* I'm annoyingly optimistic, so I can help hold up that "may this is it" rope if you need someone!

I've not had a successful pregnancy. hormonal birth control and I are not friends and it's partly responsible for all but two of my losses. So I know that when i get pregnant there is nothing to say I won't carry to term. But there's also been no "fluke" losses... So in general I'm terrified to try at all. I wonder how many total losses I will end up with before we're done.. it's a scary prospect.
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November 8th, 2011, 03:51 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
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With my 5th loss, I was done. I set up things for adoption and everything. I did NOT want to TTC ever again. DH wanted to try one more time. Now I am holding my rainbow. It was extremely hard to keep going.
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November 8th, 2011, 06:00 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
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I was afraid to get pregnant again after my 2nd and 3rd loss, I didn't think I could mentally handle another loss. But knew that if I fought hard enough it would happen for us. I just had to keep the fight alive.
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November 8th, 2011, 07:45 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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After my second loss I swore that I was never doing it again. We could just adopt if we wanted kids. Three months later we were ttc. lol

At this point though, I have also lost hope in ever conceiving and carrying to term. I don't think I could not find out though. I tend to look at as even though I know we'll be devastated, our baby deserves all the love and affection we can possibly give during their short time here.

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Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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November 9th, 2011, 07:55 PM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
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That situation sounds so tough. Fear is an awful thing to live with. It's totally understandable that you feel this way.

I may have been done at one point, I'll never really know now since it turned out I didn't lose that pgcy after all. I was filling out adoption paperwork though. And for my 2nd successful pgcy, well, I figured there was no use in preventing, and since I was breastfeeding I didn't think anything of my lack of cycle... didn't know I was pg until the first trimester was over. I have to say, that method takes SO MUCH STRESS out of the equation. But if I'd been TTC, I would definitely have been testing, I can't help it.

Originally Posted by Augie View Post
I tend to look at as even though I know we'll be devastated, our baby deserves all the love and affection we can possibly give during their short time here.
Augie, I love that. That's exactly what makes me feel comforted about my angel babies, that they were so loved.

Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!

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