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Letter to my angel

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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July 22nd, 2006, 07:26 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I just thought I wouls share the letter I wrote to my angel. I hope that it isn't too upsetting to anyone. I wrote it about the hardest feelings - although I should share some about the healing too - I just wanted to share this for now. Share your letters as well if you like - I think it is very healing to share.....

Your tiny body laying in my hand
I was so sad to look upon the perfect bend in your knee
My mind lost to insanity could not comprehend in the moment
That this is the only moment I was to have
I wish I could have had the clarity
To cherish the moment more
to understand that you would be gone
That this moment is was the closest I would ever be to holding you
But instead I was panicked & grief stricken
I didn't know what to do with you
Or how to respond
I wish I would have looked at the details of who you were
But my heart could not bear to see
Everything that was lost to me
But I knew, and not seeing didn't help me at all
Then others would act like you never existed
and tried to make me feel like I was crazy
That I should not grieve one that was so small
But if they could have seen that bend in your knee
Your feet crossed at their ankles
If they could understand that you didn't have to deserve my love
You simply already had it
That it was too late to pretend like nothing happened
It's easy enough for them I suppose
You didn't lie warm in the palm of their hand
And they don't understand that if I could do it all over
If I could choose
I wouldn't wish that you never existed
That I never had to endure
I couldn't wish you didn't happen
Because I love you
How do you wish such a thing out of existance
simply because it hurts
It is still powerful & worthy to have been
Your leaving made my heart break
But finding out you existed at all had made my heart leap
It is bittersweet to have had you in my life
But I am not sorry you were here
I am only sorry your stay was so brief
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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July 22nd, 2006, 09:34 PM
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
Beckie, that was so moving.. Thank you for posting this letter.. It brought up so many emotions for me that I really needed to be getting out.. I'm so sorry that you had to be in so much pain, and that you probably still are, but also so grateful that there are women here who truly understand. Thanks again.. so much. I'd love to share my poems/letters when I'm feeling more up to it.. But until then....
<div align="center">

<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
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July 23rd, 2006, 03:18 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Completely beautiful...honest....soul bearing. Tears stream down my face...for you...for me...for all of us. Reading your letter, I feel like I lived the moment with you. And as sad and heartwrenching as it was/is, I thank you for sharing it with me.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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July 23rd, 2006, 09:16 AM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Thanks, Beckie. I've been pretty down the past few days, and reading this was therapeutic. The end made me really think about it, and I'm not sorry either. I just wish I'd had longer.

Need Breastfeeding Support?

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July 24th, 2006, 07:55 AM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 263
Beckie you keep surprising me......That was beauitiful..you are a very powerful woman, I wish I had your will and drive....I cannot stop crying....It was perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!
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July 28th, 2006, 08:07 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680

Thank you so much for sharing that with us, and for trusting us.
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
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July 31st, 2006, 06:58 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,480
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

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