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Do you forget the hurt?

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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December 16th, 2012, 04:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,568
I came across my old posts from Nov 09', when I have my 3rd loss. The one post was from Nov 23rd, the day I found out I lost the baby. Now that was 3 years ago, I forgot how much that day hurt, until I read that post.

Have you ever gone back and read posts?
Do you feel the hurt has gone away a little? A lot? Not at all?
If the hurt has gone away some, do you feel guilty that it has?

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December 17th, 2012, 05:19 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I'm like you. It seems be better until I read old posts.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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December 18th, 2012, 02:07 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I don't think I have forgotten per se, but I don't hurt like I did. I would hope no one does. I joined JM after my 1st miscarriage & right before I got pregnant the 2nd time. That was over 7 yrs ago. A lot of time & healing have happened in that time. I do remember how raw & lost & overwhelmed I felt. I am very thankful that those feelings are not part of my life anymore. I think they were a necessary part of being able to walk through & get to where I felt whole again, but it took a long time to get there. I remember that I really started to do some healing the last baby I lost right before I got pregnant with Jonah.

I have gone back & read through them from time to time. I absolutely feel no pain over it now & I don't feel one bit guilty about it. I think the difference is I gave up on being angry, hurt, upset, etc over it & accepted it fully. You don't have to like it in order to accept it though - you just accept. Once I quit trying to "fight" it (for lack of a better word) then I finally started to find some peace. I still think about things like how old my twins would be right now - Christmas always does that to me. I found out I was pregnant in March & thought first thing that we'd be a family by Christmas....so it has always been "Christmas" in my mind that stuck out...even though they'd have been a few months old by then. Anyway - they'd be 7 this year.

I am not sure if everyone does find peace. I've had older women talk to me about their losses & cry when they do...even though it's been 40 yrs. For me though, the only thing that tears me up is empathy - knowing how much another momma is hurting. I have cried for another momma who is hurting, for sure. That is why I had to take a break from JM & from this board, because I felt like I had spent so long crying for myself & then when i was feeling like my healing was better, I was ended up here crying about someone else's hurt. After so many years of hurting, I wanted to take a break to just be happy & think about happy things for a while.

My own pain feels like it has resolved & I've made my peace with my angels. At this point I don't even "wish it was different" - as I gave that up when I decided I was going to accept it. I feel grateful for the time I had with them & that they brought a lot of love into my life through the women I met here, a lot of clarity to me as to what matters & who I want to be & how I want to live & they will always be a huge part of who I am.

Much love to you as you find your way in healing. You'll get there. <3
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

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December 18th, 2012, 11:48 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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No I've never gone back and read an old post. I don't intend to either.

The hurt has changed, but it's still there that's for sure. And no, I don't feel guilty it has changed and lessened. That's part of the natural grief process, and it's not healthy for it to not lessen.

that's not to say that once in a while someone doesn't smack me over the head with the "you have dead babies" stick and I become a puddle of grief and depression. I've just been able to file it away in my heart a lot better than I used to.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
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December 22nd, 2012, 07:13 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
Have you ever gone back and read posts? No never

Do you feel the hurt has gone away a little? A lot? Not at all? A whole lot, in fact having gone through the pain of three losses in a row made my recent loss in the 2nd trimester easier because i know the pain lessens. it doesn't make me not hurt but i have hope that somet day I will not be hurting so bad.

If the hurt has gone away some, do you feel guilty that it has? I feel a little bad that getting over my last loss has been so much easier. But I know it isn't because i don't care it is because my hurt and tears cannot bring him back and I work very hard to remain facing forward and to not think what could have,would have, should have, been happenning because it never was to be. My angles are in heaven I an I try not to imagine them here all that does is cause me pain.
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