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Rant: men just don't get it.

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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  • 1 Post By Sunrise

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March 24th, 2013, 07:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,263
Hi ladies- I brushed this on plan4fate's SIL post. Today SO sends me a txt about how his BFF's wife (who will have her baby on my old due date) has the birth plans I was seeking. You know my love, thats just not what you want to be texting me. It's a little salt on my wound! Not only I get to suffer a mc, now I can grieve the birth experience I didnt get? The worst part is that when I try to explain to him that I'd prefer not to hear ANY news about ANYONE's baby he gets upset at me saying "I should just be happy for other people". Well, I'm not! I'm happy for a few people who touch my life, but generally- I just don't want to hear it. And- I don't think ill be getting over that until (maybe) after I have children.
I guess what I'm really saying is that it still hurts.
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March 24th, 2013, 10:45 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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our husbands must be the same person... because that's how mine feels. He just DOESN'T get it. Most of the men I know, don't get it. It's frustrating, and hurtful sometimes.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
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March 24th, 2013, 11:05 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
Mine gets it.

But my last loss was very traumatic for him. He left me at the hospital after I was fine and had no Nicole in the car and a lot of blood to clean up.
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March 25th, 2013, 07:15 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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March 25th, 2013, 11:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,568
When I had my 2nd m/c, shortly after SIL announced her pregnancy. DH couldn't understand why I didn't care and why I didn't want to be around her. Then he drug me to the hospital after she had the baby and we got into an argument on the way home because I sat in the hallway.

Guys really don't seem to get it
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March 25th, 2013, 03:30 PM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 1,974
Hey there No, men don't always get it. After my last loss, DH scheduled a dinner for us with some of his friends--one of whom was pregnant, due around the same time I was due. I told him he had to cancel the dinner. He at first protested, but I just flat out told him "look, I don't want to be around pregnant women in my free time! I'm around a pregnant woman all day at work, 5 days a week, and I'll be d*mned if I spend my weekend time around a pregnant woman too!" He then agreed to cancel the dinner. I think sometimes they just don't realize how hard it is to be around other pregnant people, to hear about other people's pregnancies, or to just "get over it." DH did finally catch on, and stopped making plans with pregnant people... in fact, he even stopped telling me when he found out that his friends were pregnant. So I guess there's hope, sometimes.

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March 28th, 2013, 10:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,263
Thanks ladies!
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March 28th, 2013, 12:43 PM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
Why do they do that? I just got a phone call the other day. "I got some GOOD NEWS! My sister just saw the baby on U/S and everything looks perfect! Thought that would brighten your day!"

Really? That would brighten my day eh? And you don't hear me hammering the kitchen cabinets with an ax? Now THAT is brightening my day!
Leia 42 yrs young

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March 28th, 2013, 07:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,263
Oh leia im so sorry! Hubby that's terrible! Maybe this group should make up our own "what not to say" list..
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April 6th, 2013, 12:44 AM
MzzMommaD's Avatar Sibe Momma
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kennewick WA
Posts: 1,231
Most men dont get these things until it truly and deeply effects them. DH and i have my son, his step son, whom he raised since nearly birth. We have been TTC for 2 years and had 3 m/c, the most recent this past tuesday. This one hit me pretty hard but him not so much. Last spring we had one the day after fathers day, and that exact same day we got a phone call telling us our dear friend josh had killed himself (but we believe his cheating wife did it..there was a lot of money involved) that exact same day. The call came in about 2 hours before m/c. we believe it was in part due to the severe emotional distress it put us both in when we learned the horrid details. That one was the hardest. So now he understands, and we generally dont talk about anyone being pregnant. ever. it was hard when my younger sister had her son last fall. so we just generally dont discuss others pregnancies.

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