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Dwindling hope

Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss


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June 9th, 2013, 05:29 PM
geogeek's Avatar Marsi's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In yonder mountains
Posts: 9,339
Well, it seems like my hope is just getting lower and lower. I am afraid that I had yet another chemical pregnancy this last cycle. Since I am not pregnant right now, we are forced to not TTC next cycle as I will be 2 states away from DH when I am fertile. I know that I have it a lot better than some women. I am just angry that I am going through this whole process again. My SIL is pregnant and due in November. I should have been due before her. My hope for another rainbow is dwindling. I am starting to think that with all the chemicals, something is wrong genetically as well as something wrong physiologically with me. It almost seems like Marsi was a fluke. I don't know that I will be ready to try when I get back from MO.

Thank you *kiliki* for my beautiful siggy!

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June 11th, 2013, 09:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,263
I'm so sorry you feel like this. I hope this next cycle off brings you peace. --hugs--
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June 11th, 2013, 10:30 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
Yep. I'm rowing in circles in your boat right with you hun. And next to our boat is your SIL and my SIL in their big beautiful cruise liner with their big pregnant bellies and their big glowing faces, soaking up all sorts of attention, talking about shopping for cribs, planning their showers, taking about the babies moving, rubbing their bellies, completely oblivious to the fact that there are people right next to them mourning their loss every second of every day.

I stopped charting. I stopped temping. I stopped OPKs and POASing. I've pretty much given up at this point. I've gotten to the point where I almost wish I hadn't gotten pregnant the last two times, because the pain of loss is worse than the pain of not getting pregnant at all every cycle.

DH and I are just enjoying each other for who we are and are thankful for our son, who we regard as a miracle and accept now as the only child we are going to have.
Leia 42 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 41
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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June 12th, 2013, 05:24 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate

My Nephew is Due August 27th.... I was due at the beginning of August so I'm right there with you.

We don't know what we want to do ttc wise. DH feels Reme was a fluke (he's a birth control baby, and a preemie) and that he's not sure it willl happen again.. not easily at least. My body seems to not want to be pregnant since it O's before or after each trip to see DH by just enough time that conception isn't possible. *sigh*
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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June 12th, 2013, 07:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,263
Hope: I know you're in a bad place. And mostly it's best to roll around in that play ground together. But I want to offer up a thought.

A lot fertility issues are "subfertility" not sterility. You have all gotten pregnant. Which means you CAN. The mystery is why aren't the pregnancies continuing. And for that, there is hope. Keep modifying. Keep searching for answers. Keep looking for another provider, one that will listen to you. Keep trying. Subfertility means eventually, it will work. Maybe with a little help. Maybe further down the road than you had planned.

I have hope for you.
I'm sorry this is a dark time.

(Please don't see this as mean or rude. It comes from a compassionate place. I understand feeling down. And when I'm down, I wish someone would say anything (realistic) to boost me up. So this is where I'm coming from. A place of love for ladies suffering the heartbreak of multiple loss.)
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June 12th, 2013, 09:25 AM
MarchMom2007's Avatar Sticky baby wanted!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 3,188
Right there with you. I just started spotting today and when I took a test, it is much lighter. This will be my third loss since last October. I feel so broken. Huge hugs to you and all mamas who must endure this pain.

Cautiously expecting a little one sometime in June, and always remembering my 5 little ones that left too soon.
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June 12th, 2013, 09:04 PM
*JenJen*'s Avatar impatiently waiting
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: west, but east. south, but not north.
Posts: 7,853
*hugs* I'm so sorry Rachel. I'm in the same boat. We're starting to wonder if we even should TTC at all.

My Blog
Me: 27, PCOS, ENDO, RPL, severe vitamin D defficiency
Him: 36, severe MFI post VR but counts climbing

2006-2015 7+ years of NTNP, TTC, TTCMA, Losses, Surgeries, and Diagnoses.
RPL and Genetic Tests came back 100% normal | Endo, PCOS, severe MFI
Multiple early losses between 3 and 8 weeks.

IVF referral in= 7/2017
RE Appt #1- 8/22/2017- doctor swears I don't have PCOS or RPL, go VEGAN to cure all
RE Appt #2- 8/24/2017- sono shows clear cysts, high afc, all bloodwork comes back PCOS typical

PAUSED UNTIL JANUARY 2018 to find a new IVF clinic

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June 17th, 2013, 10:50 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,023
I am so sorry... but fertility is such a fickle thing. Agin I had ten years and two adoptions before I got my first daughter. Then seven more uears before my second daughter. In the last five years I have been pregnant eight times, with four losses, on a in the second trimester. I understand how hard it is, but I also know that out of the clear blue sky rainbows do come. My thoughts and prayers are with you Rachel and to all our friends on this board.
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