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How was my reponse?

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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March 10th, 2009, 02:31 PM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
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This morning I posted the article on Ecstatic Birth on Facebook that I posted here yesterday. A friend (loosely since I know her through my DH and don't have nor desire any real relationship with her), wrote me this:

I do love you but I have to comment most hospitals encourage Mothers to keep their babies with them at all times. The only time they are separated is for a check up post birth, and in most cases it is not before significant cuddle/feeding time with mommy. I shudder when I think of the "what if" had I not been in a hospital when Peyton s temp shot up and she couldn't breath. it was after working hours and we are 20 minutes from the emergency room. Hospitals are not the cold sterile environment that is often seen on tv....hospital births can be wonderful too...mine was! It can be hurtful when you are told that you are basically inadequate as a woman for having to have a c-section or an epidural, and babies born through medical intervention certainly do have the capacity to love.

I think home births are a wonderful thing, but so is a birth in a hospital drugs or no drugs. Whatever way it happens is special to the Mother and baby. It is their story.

Sorry, I'm off my soap box now. I don't mean this in a bad way...I just wanted to voice my side.
So here is my response. Tell me how I did. I want to insure I'm articulating in a balanced, loving way while still educating. It's hard to sound non-judgemental when there are certain things you are very judgemental about, like this girl being high on 4-5 drugs when her LO was conceived and doing more drugs the weekend before she got her BFP. But I digress! Here's my response:

Hun, I certainly hope my posting of the article was not hurtful to you or insinuated that women who have these interventions do not love their babies or their babies love them less. The point of the article was to show scientific facts about how many drug and medical interventions impede, lessen or downright block the release of vitals hormones in the birth process. When these hormones are not present as intended they affect both the physiology and psycology of birth. It's known in mothers, and the questions are raised as to how much these interventions affect babies. It's a concern since babies are the most imprintable from birth.

No mother should feel inadequate for having a difficult labor that ends up in a necessary c-section or need for an epidural. But while these fabulous inventions are wonderul when truly needed, it's good for everyone to research the facts about the risks of choosing these when it is not medically necessary. I care far more about women having true facts then about the choices they make. We all have the right to make our own choices, and I truly believe that what is right for one woman may not be for another. There is a lot of psycology carried into birth that other people might not be privy to. Neither should judge the other, especially if those individual choices are each based on personal research.

I truly believe that a great birth can happen in any circumstance. It's always a joyous event to bring that life into the world. I hope to help many women as a doula achieve whatever their ideal birth is, no matter if it's in a hospital, birthing center or at home, or with or without drugs. Although the author of the article directly pointed to home and birthing centers, her point was that the mother should be in a safe and private place. For many women that safe place is in a hospital and that's exactly where they should be.

I'm not sure if you noticed the article was written in 2002. Thankfully hospitals view immediate contact between mother and child as much more vital than they did years ago. I read an amazing story months ago about a super tiny preemie who the doctors had worked on to no avail. They gave the baby to it's mother, skin on skin contact, to say goodbye. Miraculously the baby started breathing again and is a happy toddler today! The power of that contact, especially immediately after birth, is so important. I just love that!

Birth is my passion! I seriously cannot get enough of it. I can't read enough, I can't learn enough, I can't talk about it enough. I would love for everyone to really understand birth and respect it, because it is the most amazing thing we do as humans. Becoming a doula feels like a true calling to me. While my own roots are deeply planted in med-free, water and homebirth, my choices are not for most women. And I aim to be balanced and supportive of every woman's birth choice. Again, knowledge is key to me. But I can still get over-excited about the amazing natural process of our bodies and lose my balance. So thanks for reminding me to equalize again! :-)

So how is little Peyton and mommy doing? Hang in there on the sleep thing. Everyone says the first couple of months are the hardest. But it will get better! I'm sure she's still too little now, but will you come out to the west coast again in the near future so we can all meet her?

Last edited by ShaunaB; March 10th, 2009 at 02:38 PM.
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March 10th, 2009, 02:36 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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I think your response was very well written!
Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!

Two Little Monkies on Etsy
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March 10th, 2009, 02:45 PM
mgm78's Avatar Zoe's mom Meredith
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Good response. And, truthfully, many hospitals are like as you described. Your friend was lucky to have a better experience than that at her particular hospital. There is just wayyy too much blind trust in L&D and in OBs now a days, people really need to educate themselves, because the doctors are not doing that.

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March 10th, 2009, 03:02 PM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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I think it was a great response. It's definitely better than I could have done for sure!

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March 10th, 2009, 04:29 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Your response was great. I have given birth in 3 hospitals, two with the LDRP concept, so open to rooming-in, etc. It was still a hospital, it was still an OB and it was still cold and sterile when my baby entered the world.

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7
Sail Back to Me
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March 10th, 2009, 05:53 PM
Mom4Life_11's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so open to every ones choose. You did well with that though!

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March 10th, 2009, 07:54 PM
liveandlove0725's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Very balanced and thoughtful I might have to copy it some time. I get so frustrated...
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March 11th, 2009, 11:34 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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You did great! The number one reason I changed Emmes birth from a hospital was because they took Brynn away from me after she was born. She had no problems whatsoever. They just took her to the nursery and I didnt see her for over 12 hours... Im still grieving.

Momma to Brynn 10/2/2002 (midwife at hospital)
Emme 5/26/2008 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
Pierce 11/28/2009 (midwife at freestanding birth center)
and Surprise Baby #4 due 11/13/2011
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March 11th, 2009, 12:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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your responce was wonderful!!!
And I can say that I was in a hospital that did not take baby at night or whatever... but they took them for routine. Though they said it was needed, my baby was stil gone for 1-3 hours at a time 2 times a day.

Made by Trish!!!! <3<3<3

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March 11th, 2009, 12:42 PM
ShaunaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We conversed some more and she told me that she's been made to feel guilty for her choices to get an epi (for she says her body was going into shock from labor pain) and for not breastfeeding (she told us while preggie that she would not cuz she has implants and she didn't want her boobs getting humungous). While I don't agree with her decisions in the slightest, I also do not wish for any mom to be made to look back on their births with sadness or disappointment. If it causes her to question her options for the next time, great! But I don't want to take away someone's joy.

Perhaps now that she is a mother she will find her priorities are different and that might be reflected in subsequent pregnancies/births. Or even if she makes the same decisions, she can at least do so after researching both sides of the coin. Just to put the information out there is good enough for me. Even if her choices remain the same, she might be more open to supporting others that go a different, more natural route because she can see the benefits even if they weren't for her.
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March 11th, 2009, 12:51 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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nice job, you rock!
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March 11th, 2009, 02:50 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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i think that was a great response! i had Lily in a hospital and she was with me the entire time. they put her on my chest as she came out and she roomed-in with me, but i know a lot of other hospitals don't always do that.

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March 11th, 2009, 07:32 PM
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Sounds good to me
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March 11th, 2009, 07:32 PM
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Sounds good to me
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March 11th, 2009, 07:34 PM
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Sounds good to me
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March 14th, 2009, 07:08 PM
LadyLuck's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think your response was wonderful, Shauna. I wish I could be so eloquant with my words!
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