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Was your DH/SO helpful during pregnancy/birth?

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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March 10th, 2010, 07:12 AM
Husher's Avatar B & E complete me.
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How was your SO/DH helpful during your pregnancy and birth? Did they read the books you wanted them to read? Did they give massages or deal with the staff?

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March 10th, 2010, 07:50 AM
Kelllilee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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He was helpful in that he would do whatever I asked him to do for me. BUT during labor I cant' communicate my needs very well so he's clueless and usually just sits there looking concerned. He'll try to touch or help but most of the time I end up pushing him away because he's doing it "wrong" He's much more helpful during the pregnancy!
Kellisa, Mama to:
Courtney, Nola, Kya, Whitney, and baby girl #5 coming soon!
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March 10th, 2010, 08:04 AM
~ Christine ~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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DH will read something if I really ask him to. He just doesn't really want to be involved in the preparation.

TBH, I can't remember during Dean's birth what he did and what my doula did. But, the positive thing is that he really wants me to rely on him 100%.

Forever missing our angel 8.31.07

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March 10th, 2010, 08:08 AM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
He tried to be helpful during labor last time with massaging but I had to push him away. He's super helpful during pregnancy and after labor though, so no complaints

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March 10th, 2010, 08:37 AM
cheezpoofs's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Buffalo, New York
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My hubby is helpful all the time. He didn't read any books or even watch The Business of Being Born with me, but he did listen when I told him about the movie, supported my decision to change care to a midwife, met the midwife with me, worked around my needing the car for appointments, went to the birth classes (even though he hated them). He was not so good at the end stages of my pregnancy/ beginning of labor: nagged a lot about something being wrong, maybe I should go get induced, etc. He was very worried and wore on my resolve to have a natural childbirth and that made everything harder than it would have been otherwise. Once labor finally picked up enough that we needed to go to the birth center, he was great. He gave me sips of Gatorade, talked to me, held my hand, did whatever I asked him to. I think he'll be even better next time because he knows what to expect and won't be surprised or think something is wrong if I carry past forty-two weeks again.

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March 10th, 2010, 09:03 AM
ChicaChels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sam was absolutely amazing.

He went to every single prenatal-related appt (even when I went in for a rash, because he knew they would check baby )
He read every book I put in front of him (All bradley related books, some books about becoming a dad, and some other weirdo book I found but dont ask me the name of it..it was weird ), he went to every single Bradley class, he stayed up with me at night when I couldn't sleep because I was itching so badly, or my stupid leg wouldn't stop jittering (i had really bad restless leg syndrome in the 3rd tri).
He watched BoBB with me I don't know HOW many times, and he would suggest it when I was feeling insecure in my decision. He would force me to do my bradley stuff every night, he took me to the chiropractor and to get acupuncture. he was amazing. when we found out I was having an induction he never showed his concern, he was so so strong! he took it upon himself to call our bradley instructor, he went home and got everything ready (an hour each way) and still managed to be there for me even though he physically wasnt there.

during labor and delivery:
he never ever left my side for 30 hours. he rubbed my back for like 18 hours straight, even though I punched him in the face He told my nurse (who I believe hindered my progress a LOT) to back off and get out of our room when she wanted me to stay in bed constantly. he unhooked my monitors from the machine, walked me into the bathroom and stood in front of the door so no one could come in while I labored on the toilet. He helped me take a shower early in my induction and he washed my hair (which sounds weird, but it was the best! he scrubbed the crap out of my scalp! amazing! ), he kept food in me, he talked to the midwife and nurse about everything they did before it happened (outside the room), he yelled at an obgyn who came in and said we should discuss c-section, he encouraged every single labor position you can imagine...did I mention he was amazing??

post partum:

not so great! he promised me he would stay home for a week (he farms with his dad, so its not like he was taking time off work really) and the day after we got home from the hospital he left me home alone! i was furious! but we have since gotten better from there (after a lottttt of rough times that really challeneged our marriage)

Maverick Jude
December 9, 2013
5:20PM 8lb3oz 20.5"
Hospital water birth
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March 10th, 2010, 09:13 AM
oriel13's Avatar Tishauna
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,250
Um.....no. He was deployed for most of the pregnancy and the only thing I could get him to read was the baby name book. He came back during the last month of pregnancy and literally got thrown into everything head first and was really not comfortable with any of it.

During labor he was a PITA, totally saying all the wrong things and I spent most of it resenting him for getting on my nerves. The only times I really felt he was helpful were when he snuck me food and when he helped keep my dry because the stupid nurses weren't changing my pads often enough after I got the epi. He was pretty good during the pushing phase too, by that point he'd figured out I was happiest if he just stood there and wiped my face or fed me ice and didn't talk.

We're both hoping for a much better experience at home this time and he's relieved that we're having a doula as well.

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March 10th, 2010, 09:34 AM
catherineclare's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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During pregnancy he was great. I didn't ask him to read anything or even watch BoBB but he listened to me talk about natural childbirth nonstop. He went to as many appts with me as he could (even tho I told him it wasn't necessary) and most importantly got me whatever I wanted to eat no matter the time of day or night when I had 4 months straight of morning sickness! He felt so bad because I was so sick and didn't once ask me to cook or anything..opening the refrigerator made me gag.

During labor he was fine. My mom was there and I had 2 midwives so he kind of did whatever my lead midwife told him to do! I pretty much labored on my own the whole time. I didn't require any massaging or anything...I got through the contrax alone. I do better that way. My mom was by my side but even she was pretty hands off..she just stayed next to me and chatted which is what I needed.

So overall he's good during pregnancy and labor. He was supportive in what I wanted which was the best thing he could offer me. Now he tells everyone we had a homebirth and how awesome I did.
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March 10th, 2010, 10:05 AM
monica8's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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He was amazing. Going through the pregnancy and birth brought us so close. He loves to read, so he was picking up all my books. He absolutely loved Ina May's guide to Childbirth. He'd never been exposed to the thought of natural birth, but it really made sense to him. He loved going to our Bradley classes.

It was a very stressful time in our lives, since the pregnancy was unplanned and we moved twice while I was pregnant. He pampered me through it all... rubbed my back pretty much every night, came to every single doctors appointment, took me on a little trip to the mountains to get away, and got me out of the house when I was 40+ weeks pregnant to help pass the time.

During the birth he was my voice. I couldn't say much, but he knew what I was thinking and was very receptive to my needs. He learned so much and talks almost daily about being able to put all that knowledge to use again . Thinking back on all this makes me want to go through it again too!

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March 10th, 2010, 10:40 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I dont know yet. He missed both births.

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March 10th, 2010, 10:45 AM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Bay Area CA
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Dae is pretty good. He doesn't read anything, but I don't try to get him to either. But he listens to me when I want to discuss the birth, etc even if it is the same thing over and over. He's pretty helpful with taking care of Lily right now and putting her to sleep, etc to give me more of a break.

During Lily's labor he was great and massaged me the entire time.

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March 10th, 2010, 11:44 AM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
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I guess he's good. I mean, I don't ask much of him, but when I do ask, he does it. He never complained about me not cooking at the beginning or the end. He was great during my first labor. Didn't even drop me when I was hanging on him! My second he had help, but still checked on me a lot. PP with Tanith, not so great. He never took time off like he said he would and ended up working a lot. With Tesla he was much better. He'd go to the hospital at 10 pm to read books to her and sing to her when she was in the NICU to ease my guilt for going home to try and sleep for a few hours. He didn't complain about the messy house or the continued lack of hot food. And if she was super fussy and I just needed to sleep for a couple hours, he'd walk her around the house for the 2 hrs I was asleep if she wouldn't calm down.

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March 10th, 2010, 01:26 PM
Aeterna's Avatar Super Speshil
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My husband was great for the 23 weeks he was home for with dd1. He missed the remaining 15 weeks and her birth. He was really attentive with dd2 and ds1. Didn't have him read anything.

He was gone for my entire pregnancy with Henry. He was present for the birth. Arrived home on leave on Xmas and had H the next day. He set up and filled the birth pool. That's about it. There really wasn't anything he could do.
G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08 | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.17.18.

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March 10th, 2010, 02:16 PM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My dh was/is wonderful during pregnancy and childbirth as well as post partum. He's extremely hands on and does anything and everything he can to help me. I don't like much interaction when I'm in labor and prefer to just do things on my own so he knows to just leave me alone and if I need something I'll ask him.
Our angel baby forever missed--1/3/03

Ailish Laura born October 20th, 2012.
8lbs 12oz and 20.75 inches

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March 10th, 2010, 04:31 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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Ain't gonna lie...

I love my husband and he is an awesome husband but he was not help hardly at all...

He partook in the making of Noelle but didn't help much throughout pregnancy, he would go with me to appointments but always had something sarcastic about them, during labor and birth he was there but didn't help except for letting me lean on him, didn't get any encouragement or help in decision making...

He did not reading or class taking, no massages, no research nothing... DH is oblivious to anything female or medical so it was up to me because I have the va-jay jay and medical background... but I wouldn't have him any other way

I know the only thing I would like next time around is more hands on with me during labor and birth... baby steps though
*9 weeks * 4/11/13
*5 weeks * 6/22/13
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March 10th, 2010, 04:51 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 4,930
My DH was awesome! I was so worried he would suck as a labor coach, but I feel bad saying that now because he was great. Whatever I needed he was there. He held my hand, massaged, etc. And when they said something he knew I didn't want he would talk to me and ask what I wanted to do. He was very loving and agrees now that the emotion was so much higher with our second birth. He felt really valuable and part of the process. Unlike with the first one. I am not worried about it this time at all.
Married 7 years to my wonderful Dh

Mommy to 6 year old Emily and 3 year old Lindsey!

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March 11th, 2010, 06:21 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
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DH was very helpful with Hunter, and has been helpful with this baby. I didn't have DH read any books, we would just discuss things openly. During labor he held my hand the entire time. This birth will be different as we're using a Midwife and she knows we are catching baby together.
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
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March 11th, 2010, 10:39 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Portland, OR
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I haven't been through labor yet, so I can't comment on that. So far, my DH has not shown any initiative in helping me or learning about NCB, but I help me along. :-) I made him watch "The Business of Being Born" with me, and we're on agreement with that, and I checked out a book about being a birth partner from the library. He hadn't touched it after a few days, so the other night I suggested we read for a few minutes before bed. He did it, only somewhat reluctantly. When I asked what he'd learned, he said "I get to rub your perineum!" I keep giving him hints about what I want him to do for me during the labor, and I hope it's sinking in. I think he'll step up to the plate when the time comes.
Mariah, AP Mommy to Juliana

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March 12th, 2010, 12:05 PM
Momof4Boyz's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My instructions were to basically, "deal with the kids and I'll have the baby" LOL! Although the birth center is wonderful and the kids were able to just go play and do there thing so DH was able to stay by my side. The only instruction I gave him was to "go get the camera, I think it's going to be soon" lol. In the midst of a bad contraction that's the only thing that ran through my mind - PICTURES haha! He was great though, he gave me drinks and rubbed a cold towel on my head. My midwife was on her game though, she got up and pushed on my back just at ht eirght time, it helped soo much. DH felt bad afterwards he said, "I didn't know you wanted that", I laughed and told him - neither did I lol!

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