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Wimping Out

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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November 27th, 2010, 08:34 PM
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I'm already afraid of wimping out and wanting pain meds. lol I've wimped out 4 times.
With my first, I had contractions for 3 days without dilating (I wasn't in the hospital the whole time) but finally the doctor started pitocin and recommended that I get an epidural because he said I wouldn't be able to handle the more intense ctx's.
With my 2nd, I was in the hospital over night because I was going to be induced the next morning (I was 41 weeks) but I went into labor in the middle of the night on my own. It went so fast the anesthesiologist couldn't get my epi started in time, but I was begging for one.
With my 3rd, I got induced a week before my due date because once again I was having ctx's and not dilating, but this time I was breathing through it and taking it like a champ. Until the doc broke my water. That hurt like heck and I yelled. I didn't think that was a big deal and it was over with quickly, but DH said if it hurt that much just to have my water broke then I should get an epi because it was only going to get worse. Well it's not hard to talk a woman in pain into getting pain relief. Thanks DH!
And then last year with Ivy, I really really REALLY wanted to not have pain meds. I was getting induced again because I was having panic attacks. They got the cervidil in and that itself started the ctx's. I got in the bath, I tried my yoga ball, DH massaged and put pressure on my hips and lower back, I tried to distract myself by being on my laptop (I was here on JM actually lol) and I wimped out AGAIN.

I know the mantra in here is to trust our bodies and trust ourselves, but I don't trust me! I'm a weenie. Now, my reasons for not wanting to go to the hospital are because of losing my autonomy. You really feel like a prisoner in the hospital. But what if I'm in so much pain I don't care and I ask to go to the hospital?

What did you tell yourselves in the heat of the worst of it so that you could make it through it? (Or do you think that without the medicines do induce, that I won't even BE in that much pain?)
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November 28th, 2010, 12:07 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Rochester NY
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I can't say i went completely natural, as i had a shot of nubain after pushing for 3 hours, but i did avoid the epidural. I found having a doula helped. It may sound weird, but i was afraid to disappoint her. Having that person there to help me with a natural delivery made all the difference. I stayed home as long as possible on my own. Then went to the hospital when dh got nervous, and the doula came then. She kept me going. I just thinking just a little more... just a little more... until it was too late and i couldn't get an epidural even if i wanted one.

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November 28th, 2010, 07:18 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
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I think avoiding induction is going to be one key thing. I've obviously never been induced, but I hear that it's much worse than regular contractions. You also need to make sure that your support people are on board with the NCB (i.e. your husband). He has to be able to support you, and not talk you into getting medication or an epidural. For me, delivering at a birth center doesn't even give me the option of having pain medication, and if a true emergency, I'll be transferred but I have no intention of giving up everything I believe want for my birth and postpartum experience, just so that I can have pain medication.

I would do a lot to read and prepare for this delivery, and also look into having a doula. They can make a world of difference. I've met with mine three times now, and she's AMAZING!

*Thank you kiliki for the siggy!*

Mom to Kennedy (2/19/11), Caleb (8/6/12) and Carson (10/14/14)Expecting #4 February 2017!!!
Life As We Know It
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November 28th, 2010, 11:08 AM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Hurley, WI
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I think it would help if you can avoid induction.

It also might help if you can keep moving. Laying down tends to be more uncomfy for a lot of women it seems.

Have you considered checking into a childbirth class? Not that you don't know how to have a baby or anything! A class like hypnobabies or something might really help you find a good technique for non-medicated pain relief.

I also wanted to say please don't feel like you're "wimping out!" You're so far from having wimped out. Childbirth is difficult, it is painful. We all have different tolerance levels. It sounds like some of your labors were difficult too. Good luck to you this time! I think it might help to have your DH on board too. Whatever class you take if you take one, take him with so he can learn the techniques to help you etc.
‎"That which offends you only weakens you. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place- so transcend your ego and stay in peace."

Stay at home mom to two:
Jacob 03/17/2009
Benjamin 03/18/2011
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November 28th, 2010, 03:23 PM
Calendula's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I've always heard that (for most women) pitocin cx and super fast labors were the most painful. So you may well have already been through to worst your body has to throw at you and come out the other side ;-).

I'd say really having DH on your side is the #1 thing. I had hours and hours of back labor from DD being sunnyside-up. It was really hard. DH says he was secretly hoping I'd try something, but he never said it. He spent forever using a shower massager on my back, applying counter-pressure, physically holding me up when I was trying to walk and my back spasmed, and fighting with the nurses who wanted to leave me flat on my back.
It was incredibly important to me not to have pain meds because I react so strongly to them I really believe I would have ended up having to have a c-section because she was poorly positioned and I was already having a really hard time feeling my cx through the back spasms. Focusing on the nitty-gritty reasons why I felt pain meds were the wrong choice for me helped a lot.
That, and when I started to break down a little (I was so discouraged because I could only feel the back labor, which I felt was pretty much useless and not the 'pain with a purpose' I was prepared for) and a nurse had just refused to get a hold of my midwife because 'it's not happening any time soon', he talked to me about the first time I was going to look at my little girl, how she'd be alert and looking back and she'd know me right away... basically, anything he knew I needed to hear to get me through the weak moment.
It also helped that I DID trust my body. I think I am fortunate to just have an unnaturally high pain tolerance. I hope you can work through some of the trouble you have trusting your body and yourself. Medical interventions or not, you've successfully brought four LOs safely here, and you and your body can handle this one, too! Focus on how you want to achieve it, but don't doubt for one second that you and your body are perfectly able to do this.

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November 28th, 2010, 05:03 PM
Isaeph's Avatar Jennifer the Momma
Join Date: Dec 2005
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I understand. EVERY time I hit transition I beg dh to take me in for an epi. He tells me NO. I had one with my first (hospital birth) and I regretted it immediately. #2 and #3 were UC's, so no choice for one, but I was completely irrational anyway and wanted one, even though I truly didn't.
"Unborn children should be welcomed in life and protected in law." George W. Bush

Crunchy, conservative, Christian, homeschooling, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, not-vaccinating, cloth-diapering, baby-wearing, ec-ing, unassisted-birthing, breastmilk donating, Momma to 7yo, 4yo, 2yo, 2mo.
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November 28th, 2010, 05:53 PM
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Thanks for the encouragement. I'll be at home where an epi isn't an option. (I actually don't mind IV narcotics, for me they're not debilitating but take the edge off the worst pain and relax me) but that's not an option with the midwives either. D'oh!
I just hope I don't start begging.
I'm trying to get DH fully on board. He's agreed to help me with hypnobirthing but I don't know if he's whole hearted about it or just agreeing because he has no choice.
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November 28th, 2010, 07:20 PM
Mom to 4 girls!!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 871
I feel for you. After having an epi with #1 I promised myself I would never again and never have. I think you need to ask yourself, why you want to avoid drugs. Don't see it as wimping out. You need to see it as the healthiest choice for you and your baby. If you focus on that then you will have an easier time.
Quinn Olivia Born at home Jan.13th, 2011, 7:37 am 9 lbs. 12 oz

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November 28th, 2010, 08:48 PM
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Well if I'm being totally honest, it's not the drugs I'm trying to avoid. It's the hospital that I think is a horrible place. And epidurals are evil too. The epi I had with my 3rd really screwed me up, and not just during labor. I was bedridden for a week and a half and couldn't even sit upright.
I was bound and determined to never have another one, but when #4 came along I got one because the pain made me forget why I didn't want one.

So I'm worried about the pain because if I end up giving in and wanting pain meds, that means going to the hospital. The reason I don't mind narcotics is, even though that in modern times they are mostly synthetic, they started off as something found in nature. I fully believe that mother nature provided those plants for the purpose of humans learning how to alleviate our pain.
What's NOT natural is jabbing a needle into the spinal column and causing temporary paralysis of the area we need to actually USE the muscles in.

Really, my goal for having a home birth is to reclaim my autonomy and dignity. I don't like feeling as though I've been incarcerated and am at someone else's mercy and following their rules. My body, my baby, my vajayjay. I don't think some minor pain relief options are that big of a deal, but feeling like an inmate IS a big deal.

***Hopping down off my soap box now.***
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November 28th, 2010, 10:45 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
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I never wanted pain meds. At all. But I was at home - in MY space. I had awesome support and it was great. I think having a home birth, no induction, proper support and moving around will make a huge difference. Having midwives to support you and no one offering drugs. After labour - I told DH I had no idea how anyone did that at a hospital! I think you will be just fine!!!
(The only time I thought about the hospital was when I couldn't pee! but my midwives gave me a catheter - which i LOVED LOL ( I did realize hey carried them) )

Thank you Kiliki for my first beautiful Siggie!

mom of 2 angels and an earth baby
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November 29th, 2010, 09:14 AM
Caelen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Hurley, WI
Posts: 8,572
I think sodagirl has a point. You might be a lot more comfortable in your own space, it might make the world of difference for you! You'll have your own bed, own bath, own shower, own couch, own food etc. No one really telling you "no no don't do that" or anything like that. I've heard that it can be a very positive experience being in your own space.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm not keen on going to the hospital again either. Midwives aren't easy to come by around here and I'm just not comfortable with the idea of UCing at home. I'm hoping that by the time #3 comes around, midwives will be easier to find and I can home birth with a midwife.
‎"That which offends you only weakens you. Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place- so transcend your ego and stay in peace."

Stay at home mom to two:
Jacob 03/17/2009
Benjamin 03/18/2011
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November 29th, 2010, 10:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,401
I can honestly say that the thought of getting an epidural crossed my mind just a few hours into my labor. I was still at home, I hadn't gone to the birth center yet and I thought "Maybe we should just go to the hospital and I should get an epi". If I had an OB and birthed at a hospital I am sure I would have done just that. That's the reason that I had decided to have a midwife and birth center birth though, because that would be my push to go through with it. I always strongly encourage women who are thinking of a natural birth to have supportive people aroudn them and be in a supportive and natural birth-friendly environment where drugs are not an option. If they are available and you don't have anyone telling you it's okay to get pain relief, you are much more likely to go through with a natural birth.
Andrea, mom to 3 beautiful girls - Abigail (8) Annabelle (6) and Alexis (3)

Expecting baby #4 in April - It's a BOY!

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November 29th, 2010, 05:50 PM
QueenCrafty's Avatar Courtney
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,352
I agree that being comfortable in your own space is important. I spent most of my labor in my bathroom and never once thought about an epidural. At transition, I did beg DH to let me go back to bed and forget about having a baby but I didn't beg for drugs. Homebirth wasn't our plan so we did deliver at the hospital, but she was already crowning when I got there. They couldn't force me to take any drugs or even get an iv. By staying home so long, I felt more like I was in control of my labor.

I do think that your DH should be a little more on board. It was difficult to convince my DH that I was really going to go through with a NCB when I had an epidural with my first. I threatened to not let him be in the delivery room if he wasn't going to support me the way that I needed. I'm sure he knew that I was bluffing but it helped to really talk about why I needed him to support me 100%.

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November 29th, 2010, 09:12 PM
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Well, I plan to do this at home, and I'm already picking out "jewel" looking things and crystal candle holders for positive energy vibes.
When I said I wanted a home birth, DH "joked" that he wasn't even going to be in the same room as me because he didn't want to hear me. If he's not going to be 100% for me, then I don't want him in the room either. The midwife has an assistant, and I have a friend that I might have there for photography since he's an advanced amateur and doesn't have any water birth pics for his portfolio. He's in college to be a chiro and is totally into natural birth and all that goes with it. I'm sure that if DH isn't going to be fully on board, those 3 people will help me.
I'm focusing now on how I want to decorate the area around my bath tub. Right now my bathroom is all nautical stuff, but I'm going to be switching to crystals and peaceful things. I think I'll buy a new yoga mat to cut to fit into the tub.
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