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OT: need advice about visitors after birth

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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October 9th, 2011, 05:16 PM
MiniMom's Avatar Head Lady Bird
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Burke, Virginia
Posts: 385
OK, I know that this is a little off topic from Natural Child birth, but I have a question about how to deal with my older sister visiting after the baby is born.

My little sister will be coming out for the birth (or at-least trying to since she'll be driving and I live 14 hours away). She's my best friend and I really want her there. She's going to try to stay as long as she can, but it will probably only be 2 weeks. My mom died back in 06' and my mother in law will not be coming out for the birth because it's too far of a drive for her.

My older sister lives far away too, and she has a son and a husband. (I'm not as close with her as i am with the other) I asked her if she wanted to come out to help too after the first sister leaves, but the Truth is is that she's selfish and doesn't really "help" when she's suppose to. She kind of is just "there". I don't know how to explain it...she just as always been this way. she asks to help but really doesn't. When I originally asked if she wanted to come out she said yes, but then said that she'd bring my nephew along and leave her husband at home since he has to work. There's the problem. I love my 5 yr old nephew, but my sister doesn't watch him AT ALL when she's around other family and friends. She just works on her computer and expects other family to entertain him. I can't have that when I'm already trying to watch my own child, right? This has happened at every event and gathering we've been at, and I know it's going to happen at my house too. She also can't take criticism well, so if i tell her that she has to watch her son, she'll freak out on me. (It's happened before about other topics of her laziness). My husband also has a way of telling people "how it is" and what their doing wrong, and I can just forsee pandemonium happening if he opens his mouth.

So my question is, has anyone else had this problem, and how did you get around it? (wanting your family member out, but not their children because you'll already be stressed out from being a new mommy?) I know that I can't ask her NOT to bring my nephew because that would be like asking her not to bring her lung. But she'd be doing me a great help just being there for me (even if she isn't really helping)

My husband thinks that I should just tell her that I'm ok "support wise" and that we'll see her for christmas in a month. I'm fine with doing that, but I kind of feel bad.

Last edited by MiniMom; October 9th, 2011 at 05:19 PM.
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October 9th, 2011, 05:36 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 126
Your birth and time after birth is only about three people - you, your husband, and your newborn. You shouldn't have to dread dealing with a particular family member or their child, no matter how much you love them.

This is a hard decision emotionally, but it can be simplified rationally if you just think - "Will their presence make things easier or harder on my new family?" Once you answer that, your decision is made.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this!
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