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July 6th, 2006, 05:40 PM
*Cassie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 18,780
Hi all. My name is Cassie, I'm about 29 (possibly more like 32ish according to doc/measurments) weeks with my first. I am totally terrified!! I was very sure I didn't want a medicated birth, but I'm really starting to doubt myself. I've never been good with pain and I just don't know if I can do it

I do, at the moment, have a doula who is not charging me for her services. We've met and I really love her, but there's a couple dilemmas. My BF really doesn't seem comfortable with it. He is saying ok because I want it, but I know he REALLY doesn't like the idea, and this is his birth too, and if he is going to feel that uncomfortable with it, I don't think that's being fair, or am I over thinking it? The other is I'm afraid it will offend my mother that I'm not asking her. We aren't really that close, but I'm not sure how I could explain it to her so that she understands and such... Really the bigger problem is Dale.

Assume I did decide that it would be better for us not to use Natalie (the doula). There aren't any classes in my area that I know of, and I couldn't afford it anyways. Wonderfullymade did give me the recommendation of certain books once, but I looked at my library and online for others in the area, but couldn't find a single one. And I wasn't just searching for the titles she gave me! The only kind of techniques I get will be a little bit of lamaze or something like that in my prenatal classes. So I'm really starting to freak... I think everything being so close now it's really starting to hit home and become real and I'm starting to think of all the 'what ifs', doubting the whole thing, and myself even more.
RIP Grammie (06/24/35 - 07/25/06) and Grampie (08/18/26 - 07/26/06). I love you both and I miss you so much...
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July 6th, 2006, 06:12 PM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Galveston, TX
Posts: 1,844
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I don't know, it is ultimately up to you how important Dale's input is in the birth. Me, personally, it is MY decision how I bring my baby into the world. My dh's input is important, but is not a deciding factor.

What does Dale have qualms about?

I believe you can do it. But you only can do as much as YOU believe you can do. (starting to hear the refrain for 'I believe I can fly' in the background - how hokey am I?!)

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July 6th, 2006, 06:24 PM
Join Date: May 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 311
I agree I would keep the doula. The important thing is that you are the one that feels supported during the delivery. Your body is doing the hard work. Having the doula may take some pressure off of Dale. She will not be there to replace his support for you. She will keep your best interest in mind but if she is a good doula she should also consider his feelings and needs as well. Maybe you and Dale can have a meeting with her prior to the delivery to discuss what Dale would like to be exclusively his role. Maybe that will lighten his anxieties. Good luck!
Kimberly- homeschooling mom to three beautiful girls


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July 6th, 2006, 07:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,539
I know going through it the first time can be really scary cuz you don't really know what to expect. But remember that our bodies were naturally made to give birth. Stay with the doula. They can be a wonderful support! My SIL had one with her second birth and the woman made a complete difference on what happened. (Her first was a total medicated birth and the second wasn't because she had someone who was willing to stand up for her)

As to Dale not feeling really comfortable with the whole doula thing... I guess that's up to you how you want to handle that. My husband was totally supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Before I really looked into it I wanted a complete hospital birth, drugs and all. My husband was the one who wanted me to homebirth, which I ended up going with. But he knew I was the one giving birth to the baby... so he wanted me to be completely comfortable.
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July 7th, 2006, 08:43 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,576
As a doula, the dads are often hesitant, usually because of misconceptions. Typically, by the time I meet with them both, sit them down, get their input on how they want their birth to be, and I discuss how I can help... they both are much more at ease, and the dads are my biggest cheerleaders. Have all 3 of you sat down to talk yet? If not, I would encourage it.

Also - the whole "mother" issue is a hot one - I get it a lot. I just went on call for a client in a similar situation. Her mohter is very clingy,and she not only wanted a doula, but didnt want her mother in the whole time, and doesnt want to hurt her mothers (very fragile) feelings.

She ended up telling her mother shes having a professional labor coach (rather than referring to me as a doula) and that it was so that everyone could participate & enjoy the experience. I would be there to help tend to her, give them breaks when they needed, show them thingst that they could do to help, and then I could be the one running to get water, ice, & washcloths, and it would just be an extra hand - not a replacement of anyone.

This made her mom feel much better. I also got a chance to meet her at her baby shower & I made it a point to tell her a birth story or two about other births Id attended with the dad & grandmother there and how helpful they were, and how easy it made it on the mom, etc.

So, take it from that approach - the doula is additional help - not a replacement. SHes familiar with the hospital, nurses, procedures, etc.

As for wether or not you can do it - yo udefinitely can. Think of all the women who get through it Some by choice, others not by choice

Learn what to expect, and give yourself pep talks. Ask your doula if she has any books to loan you. Visit the La Leche League meetings nearest you and see if they have book references - theyre very supportive of NCB and usually someone there will have some good books.

Good luck


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July 8th, 2006, 08:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the whirlwind of life
Posts: 2,343
Yes you can do it! You are MADE for this!

I totally believe it's my choice as to how I will birth. I am the one doing all the work afterall. I do think it would be more difficult if my dh wasn't so very supportive, though, so I can understand your dilema. Def. keep the doula, and meet w/her together as many times as she will before labor. Lala is totally right--it will help alot. I like the approach she mentioned for both your mom and your mate.

For birth classes that will be more helpful (and more affordable), please check w/local midwives for classes they offer, or thru a freestanding birth center. I'm sure they would be willing to work w/you on the financial aspect, and you are much more likely to get more out of the classes than a Lamaze class.
The best gifts we can give our children are roots and wings....Author Unknown.

Vikki, Earthy Mama to 4 great kids.

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July 9th, 2006, 04:36 PM
*Cassie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 18,780
Thanks everyone! I'll try to remember to ask my doula if she has any books I could borrow. Dale agreed to meet Natalie (my doula) with me, and even suggested we have the meeting at his house! That really shocked me! But it made me so happy! I will definately let you guys know how it goes!

And LaLa, thank you so much for the advice on how to tell my mother! That is great, I'll let you know how that goes too

Thanks again everyone!
RIP Grammie (06/24/35 - 07/25/06) and Grampie (08/18/26 - 07/26/06). I love you both and I miss you so much...
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