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how to convince a nervous nelly to wait it out

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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December 15th, 2013, 07:15 PM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,345
so my first birth was a little scary and didnt exactly go acording to plan I started bleeding at 35 weeks like left a trail of blood to the bathroom bleeding. went to the hospital were half the staff wanted to send me home and half the staff said i was in labor. finally the doctor declared i definatly was in labor and gave me a shot to stop it but it was to late at that point and my water broke. so we spent the whole night with me bleeding on puppy pads waiting for the shot to wear off so i chould start to dialate. i ended up getting an epi the next day becuse i chouldnt handle it anymore finally it was time for the show and they had the OR preped and a crash cart outside my room becuse well basicly becuse they didnt think i was going to be able to deliver vaginally without one or both of us going into shock. I did I actually was told i did amazingly well but anyway my son had swollowed alot of blood ended up jaundiced chouldnt regulate his temps ect he spent 2 weeks in the hospital and had lost over 20% bodyweight by the time we got to bring him home.

all of this is to let you know that for very good reson my better half is extreamly nervous about our daughters birth. which while completly understandable and even endering is really starting to get on my nerves. for starters iv made it pretty clear that as long as things are kosher ie not bleeding like a sive or only 35 weeks along id like to labor at home as long as possible partly to keep away from not so Natural Birth friendly hospital regs (my local hospital is pretty clinincal no food or drink continual monitering back birthing heck they dont even have an LC) and also becuse my mom has like a 5 hour drive to come watch our son and id rather not go in untill she gets here......while hes makeing it pretty clear he wants me in the hospital the moment i think i might think about being in labor incase something happens agin.

how can i get him on my side? the best argument iv come up with so far is im not going to not eat for 20 hours agin when i can stay home and be comfortable his solution is that he will sneak food into the hospital for me.

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December 15th, 2013, 08:31 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
Did they rule a cause for the bleeding? It sounds like an abruption, which is unlikely to reoccur unless you have a certain set of risk factors (high blood pressure, a clotting disorder, a short cord). If they didn't rule a cause, I guess it's harder to be "sure" it won't happen again.

As for your husband, I think letting him know that you are not putting you or baby at risk being home during an uncomplicated labor. Your labor last time wasn't uncomplicated. It was not only premature, but also eventful. So you could reassure him that you wouldn't risk a problem laboring at home. But if your water breaks or contractions start and everything is going steady, there is no proven science that you need to be in a hospital. That you are not only more comfortable at home, but your risk for hospital-created complications are lower (them ruling on a clock, claiming to need constant monitoring, IVs, AROM).

Has he watched "the business of being born"? He might think it doesn't apply to you guys, since the last birth. But really, all births are very different and just because one had some issues, doesn't mean another wont be smooth sailing. It's a common problem, really, with our medical system...one birth needs an intervention (and they do have their place) and then assuming all following need the same one (c-section, induction, constant monitoring). Each baby needs a clean slate because unless it's something unchanging (mama has a heart-shaped pelvis, mom had a stillbirth and needs an induction for mental health reasons, etc), everything can be different from one kid to the next.
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December 16th, 2013, 07:01 AM
NewGurl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 2,345
ehh technically they never figured it out they examined my placenta and basicly said they didnt see anything (to be honest it kinda seemed like they didnt give a crap what caused it since they had gotten the baby out alive).... ............I had had a 7 CM subcorionic hemorage during the pregnancy (and also have one this time). in my unmedical opinion it was at lest a partial abruption probably related to the hemorrhage location. but since my amniotic fluid was also filled with blood im not sure maybe not im not sure how it whould get into the fluid if it were just an abruption.........so basicly no we have no clue why it happened and the only thing we think might have caused it I do actually have agin.

I think you hit the nail on the head with his fear its not that he doesnt think anyone can labor at home or have completly natural uncomplicated births its that he doesnt think we can becuse weve tried this before and we obviously didnt. I know he just wants to keep me safe but I really want a chance to do it my way this time if the situation allows it and i dont want to end up fighting or resenting him when the time comes just to get that opertunity.

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