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Convincing to do a Homebirth...

Forum: Natural Childbirth


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October 16th, 2006, 03:16 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,716
ok let me first say that my dh is fantastic, completly supportive and great guy. But he's a little uneducated, AS WAS I before I came to JM, on the various methods of birth... I've gotten him to say yes to a natural birth center birth, but i'm wanting to do it at home more and more. We have no kids yet..
Would you say to do a homebirth, even for the first? What are some great ways to convince him i want to do homebirth? So far he's pretty open, but that one and circing have been some sticking points...
"I will make it through this because it is for her and for her, I will do anything. I am not brave, I am not strong, I am just Rhiannon’s mom". Our TTC/Adoption/Pregnancy Blog: Jump Over The Rainbow

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October 16th, 2006, 08:36 PM
abigailsilva's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,103
i don't know. i was surpised at how readily mine agreed to it, so I didn't have to go there. Likewise with circing. I asked, he said sure, whatever you want. I wish he was MORE VOCAL, but whatever, glad to avoid an argument..

Just ask his reasoning. Why does he think homebirth is unsafe? Is that the issue? I think you are knowledgeable enough to answer any of his questions and then some. PS, if you need some EXTREMELY convinvcing no-circ sites, pm me.
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October 16th, 2006, 08:40 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 11,397
I would have totally had a homebirth with my first if that had been an option - but there are no midwives around here, and we didn't find out about the one who is willing to "commute" until #3 was on the way!

My husband was very skeptical about homebirthing - but only because he loves me and was concerned about how "safe" it would be. When my anxiety about going to the hospital started reducing me to tears at the very beginning of my third pregnancy, he was more willing to consider it. Then we found out about a midwife who will travel to our area to attend homebirths!

The first thing that helped convince him that homebirths were safe was watching "Gentle Birth Choices" together. It explained a lot more than I could put into words. He was finally able to understand why I wanted to be home so much.

The second thing was meeting our midwife - she was very open about letting him ask all the questions he needed to. What if the baby isn't breathing? What if the cord is wrapped around it's neck? What if Shawna is losing too much blood? She was able to explain EXACTLY what she would do in all the situations he asked her about. She very humbly assured him that if things weren't looking right, she wasn't going to try to act like a hero, but we would be on our way to the hospital together. I think that re-assured him a lot too.

Right up until the birth, he was supportive because he knew it was important to me - but I know he was still pretty skeptical about it, though he kept that to himself.

Incidentially, when we found out #4 was on the way - I completely prepared myself for the possibility of a hospital birth since cash is a little tighter this time around. We're in Canada, so we pay nothing out of pocket for the hospital - but pay everything out of pocket for the midwife. When I tried to tell him that I would be willing to suck it up and have this baby at the hospital, he stomped on that idea immediately. "NO WAY am I going to make you go through that again if you don't have to!" Our homebirth experience was that much better! I bled less, I didn't need stitches for the first time (she was my biggest baby), I was calmer and more relaxed during labour, breastfeeding went better than with my first two, I was up and about so much sooner, Dh was way more involved - he got to catch our daughter himself. He said I was so different labouring at home, peaceful and calm whereas I was more agitated and upset during my hospital births. #3 has been our easist baby too - I attribute that 100% to her quiet birth at home.

So it really wasn't until we'd been through it that he was REALLY sold on the idea. Now he is more pro-homebirth than I am (and I have a pretty strong preference!)
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October 16th, 2006, 10:00 PM
MrsPil's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Quad Cities
Posts: 1,305
I wish I had some advice - my DH didn't start off so supportive but I don't know what made him change his mind. I made him read a lot of homebirth literature, and I made him read a lot of circ studies. I think he just figured out that it would be easier to learn to support me than to have to fight me.
"I trust birth—not birth attendants—for if you only trust birth that is attended then you really don't trust birth at all. You trust the attendant. And then you start over. Who? Doctor, surgeon, CNM, CPM, SIM? And it goes on and on...." - Carla Hartley
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." -Gandhi
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October 17th, 2006, 07:18 AM
momma6_2angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,677
At that point in time, my dh was unsupportive of us even having another child. I told him since he was being how he was i was doing what i wanted regardless of his feelings. The first time I went to see the midwife he came with me then decided he was ok with the homebirth thing.
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October 17th, 2006, 07:22 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,716
whew.. and i know he'll talk about anything else than that, and i'm afraid i've thrown so much info at him lately, that that is one more change and too much info...
he is more afraid of a homebirth, and seems to think its more risky, wants to know what we do if there is a problem....
in dallas we've got alot of great local midwives, so thats not really a problem, thank goodness!
"I will make it through this because it is for her and for her, I will do anything. I am not brave, I am not strong, I am just Rhiannon’s mom". Our TTC/Adoption/Pregnancy Blog: Jump Over The Rainbow

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