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Embarrassed -please tell me I'm not alone!

Forum: Trying to Conceive Older Members


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September 25th, 2008, 07:57 AM
trainermom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,801
Ok girls, I'm really embarrassed to mention this. Has anyone had a situation in which DH had a little, shall we say, performance anxiety? I'm just dying as I write this. It seems that I had a very small window of fertile CM this month and we got about 1 out of 3 tries in. DH feels so bad and of course I don't want to let him know how frustrated I am. It will only make him feel worse (and more pressure in the future). This only seems to happen when we are BDing, versus TNTC. I know that we still have a chance this month, but it is always nice to make the most of each opportunity. I just don't know how to help him. He's very much a part of my temping and charting. Maybe he is in the "know" a little too much? I think we just need to relax about the whole thing. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest...

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September 25th, 2008, 08:00 AM
CaseyM's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Maine
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Okay, so my DH sometimes has an issue, shall we say. But his problem is that because of all my physical issues with my arthritis, he is afraid he'll hurt me somehow. So he gets performance anxiety sometimes. I just tell him not to worry about me and not think about it. Maybe if your DH doesn't know that it's that time, he won't feel so upset. Tell him a little white lie....tell him that the time already passed and let's just because we want to, not have to. Then maybe things may get better....hugs for ya.....

Love to share pics on my facebook....

casey cochran melanson
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September 25th, 2008, 08:13 AM
Sasix's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 12,034
No, you're not alone. This has happened to us too, and I think some of it is knowing too much. Unless my DH asks, I don't give him too many details of where I'm at in my cycle. We "try" to BD every other day, and hope to catch the eggie. Now that it's taken us this long, DH keeps up with my cycle more. Especially this cycle, he's been asking alot and we did get more BDing in then previous cycles. We don't want to "nag" them, but we do need them to get pg. For me, I think what is working now is that I'm not bringing up TTC alot; I try to focus on him - rub his back/neck, give hugs & stuff throughout the day - so he feels I want him more then just for the BDing to get pg. And don't be embarrassed, we're all in this together!!!

Thanks Jaidynsmum for another perfect siggy!!
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September 25th, 2008, 08:54 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 658
It is very interesting...you and I are on the same cycle day and our temps were the same this a.m. AND my DH had issues this cycle too! I have to agree that maybe I am making it too much about BDing and not just about us. I am def. going to try that next cycle and see if it is better. I am also finding out that mornings seem more "stressful" then nights. So I think I am going to try and just stick with nights.

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September 25th, 2008, 09:31 AM
trainermom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,801
Wow, you girls are so sweet! I feel so much better. All of you are right, I need to make this more about him than just needing him in order to get pg. Also, I'm going to put my chart away (I also have a pencil and paper one -old habits die hard), so that DH isn't seeing it day in, day out.

Hallie, I chuckled when I read your post -not at you, just our cycle coincidences. Casey, I think that little "white lie" just might work! BTW, Becky, I love your new siggy - you were such a beautiful bride!

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September 25th, 2008, 11:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
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DH and I have a real problem with that during our second month of TTC. He could not because he had started seeing it as something that we had scheduled to do. We decided to try being spontaneous so we BD when we BD and so far we have managed to BD a couple of times during the critical period. Since our schedules should be starting to mesh better (I asked for hours at work that fit the hours he works so we can be awake at the same time), October could be our month. If not, we will certainly have some joy TTC.

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September 25th, 2008, 12:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Washington
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Have no fear kiddo....as you can see, you are not alone. I, like Becky, try not to give too much information. But, when it's "that time" and DH is too tired to BD, it is SOOO hard not to show those feelings. Then again, even when it's not that time and he's too tired, I have the same problem. I've tried to explain, and I'm sure we all have, that I don't just want to BD to get PG (which is true) but a few tears usually help diffuse the situation too. I think what's best is 1) don't let them know too much; 2) try not to let them know how disappointed you are in not BDing; and 3) let them know how much you love them and want to be with them.

Hallie, nights seem to work better for us too. DH is usually not wanting to get out of bed for work in the morning, let alone do anything physical in bed. Besides, things are so rushed in the mornings it's hard to lay there afterwards for even 10 minutes to make sure those lil guys can find their way.

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September 25th, 2008, 03:41 PM
safeway0027's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 954
At last I'm not the only one...dh is very shy and I'm too when it come to bding. He wants no light no sound...like it throw him off or something. Sometime I feels like he is not doing it right, I can't said anything until we are done. He is getting better letting me talk to him about things. This month we only got 2 bd in...and we were trying for 4 times in one wk. What can you do, maybe next month it will be better.

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September 25th, 2008, 05:00 PM
trainermom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,801
Thanks so much, everyone! I definitely don't feel alone. It seems that this "issue" is more common than I realized. It's just so difficult to talk about. Good luck to all!

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September 25th, 2008, 10:46 PM
Denise66's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 5,080
It is a hard thing to talk about. We struggled with it when we were TTC #5. It was really hard on him. It is a lot of pressure for the men. Like others said don't let him know when the critical time is. I hope it gets better for both of you.

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September 30th, 2008, 02:32 PM
Bakin8th's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 3,734
I have a slightly differnt issue..but the results are the same LOL

I have to much ewcm and well... Sometime we cant finish. As I get older my cm is becomeing more and more.

We are Only ttcing #9...Should be intresting when we start to ttc #12!! lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
~IRENE~ MOM TO 8 KIDDOES! DS 18, DD 16, DD 14, DD 8, DS 6, DD 4, DS 3 and DS 1

Ttcing #9 After TWO 2nd trimester loss's and FIVE 1st trimester loss's. Missing our 8 ANGEL'S


Kyle (absent) Chelsea, Miki, Hanna, Johna, Sari, Jessiah and Isaiah.

Our 8 Greatly missed Angels
12W, 6W, 6W, 9W 1 twin, 5W
17W twins (sex unkown) and "Elijah"
17W "Angel"
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October 2nd, 2008, 03:11 AM
soImarriedAnerd's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Depends on the day....Earth :D
Posts: 28,951
We are going through this issue right now! I was actually going to make a thread about it. DH asked me to not tell him my cycle info. He doesn't want to think about THAT while doing IT. LOL
How about with YOU girls....do you O (not the fertile kind when BDing, is it easier, harder or the same when you KNOW its baby
making time? For me I find it harder if at all to have a big O during that time. (good thing pregnancy isn't connect to US finishing!)
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October 3rd, 2008, 06:48 AM
trainermom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,801
Yes! The girls had great advice on this one. My DH likes to be in the "know" about everything, but admittedly, the info was almost too much. This cycle is a strange one for me, FF originally had me O'ing earlier in my cycle than I really did. Once we got to the true O time, DH thought we were already past and was way more relaxed. That helped a ton!

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