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Lisa B's journal

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November 2nd, 2006, 08:44 AM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Carmel, CA
Posts: 5,872
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I am so glad I found JM. I have a blog, but after I had my miscarriage I didn't feel comfortable writing about my feelings someplace that my family might see it. It helps to be in a forum with others who have gone through something similar. I'm sorry any of us has to go through this, but at least we can support each other here.

DH and I have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby, even before we were married . We want a baby more than anything. We'd be great parents! A year went by with no pg, but I didn't think much of it, because I was all stressed out trying to plan our wedding. Not very conducive to pregnancy.

Just after our wedding in October 2005, I went to the doctor for allergies, and she diagnosed me with Hashimoto's (a form of hypothyroidism in which you make anti-thyroid antibodies) & sent me to an endocrinologist. She explained that might be a reason why I was having trouble with fertility. I was a little bit upset, but I was told that it only slightly increased my risk of not conceiving and miscarriage.

The endocrinologist told me my TSH was borderline and wasn't sure if she should put me on meds for hypothyroidism. She did, on Levothroid, which is kind of a generic form of levothyroxine.

Well only 3 months later on Valentine's day, enough time for the meds to titrate, we did conceive. I thought, piece of cake! We had just started going to the fertility clinic a month before that for our first US for a follicle check, otherwise they did nothing at all.

But 7 weeks later, I started feeling some period-like cramps and saw a tiny bit of pinkish discharge. I felt like something was wrong and we went to the ER. They gave me an US and some blood tests and said nothing was wrong, the baby had a heartbeat and my blood tests looked normal.

I regret not having looked at those tests, regret not having done more research about Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism and pregnancy before trying to get pregnant. I would have been more prepared and would probably be holding my newborn baby right now. My TSH was off, way off (7.7). I don't know why they didn't catch it. Maybe because we were out of state at the time and not at my regular hospital, not part of my HMO at all.

Late at night on March 28, I started cramping up really badly and spotting. I knew it was over, even though I went back to the ER, had another US and was told my baby had a heartbeat. They sent me home saying there was nothing they could do, and they were right.

That night was awful. Every time I sat down to pee more blood would come out I'd start screaming at myself to stop bleeding. I just knew, despite what the doctor said, my baby was dying.

The next morning, my birthday no less, my husband came home from the fire station to find me crying. I was really bleeding now. He was hysterical and upset that I hadn't called him the night before to let him know what was happening. I didn't want to bother him at work for another false alarm, is all. I called the doctor as soon as the office opened and she told me to come in.

I miscarried while lying on the examination table, scared, crying, wrapped in crinkly blue paper, hubby holding my hand. The doctor wrapped up the contents and said she saw "suspicious tissue" and would call me later to confirm. She told me to go home and check my discharge for more tissue and to call if I found anything or didn't stop bleeding heavily.

That was terrible, walking out of the doctor's office, hubby supporting me, seeing all those pregnant women in the waiting room. The looks I was getting made me feel bad for them because who wants to see a person who's lost her baby when you're pregnant? If I saw them today, I'd probably just be jealous they were pg and I wasn't, but that was then and I hadn't gone through my dry spell yet.

Worse still was going home and following the doctor's orders. Every time I sat down to pee I had to poke around in the blood looking for tissue. It was the most horrible thing I have ever had to do. My husband caught me once and yelled at me to stop and started crying.

My husband, if anything, wants a baby more than I do. He would make such a great father. He loves kids and all his nieces/nephews adore him. He's the fun uncle and always makes them laugh. If anyone should be a father it's him. I think I'd make a great mommy too. I'm caring, gentle, smart and patient. I make really good cookies and I don't care about messes.

Anyway. The doctor called the next day to say her suspicions were confirmed. I was no longer pregnant.

I can't even open the door of the nursery we had started putting together. Neither can my husband. I cry sometimes when I walk by a Baby Gap. I have pregnancy jealousy, though I am very happy for those I know who get pregnant. I just can't help wanting to be pg too.

What happened is that my endocrinologist, who knew I was trying to conceive, neglected to tell me a commonly-known fact among doctors - that if you are hypothyroid, there is an 80% chance you will need to increase your thyroid meds by 30-50% immediately upon your confirmed pregnancy test. 80%. That's pretty likely. And you have to increase your meds as early as possible because it takes 4 weeks to titrate. Otherwise, your thyroid can start to quit on you, because pregnancy is a strain. And your thyroid makes all those hormones so vital to maintaining a healthy pregnancy.

In a way I'm glad I miscarried, because a low thyroid hormone output greatly increases the chance of a low IQ for the baby. My doctor wants to put me on progesterone inserts to prevent another miscarriage, which I'll do, but I'm glad I didn't take them during the last pregnancy or my baby would probably have been born with severe cognitive dysfunction.

If I had just educated myself, I would have increased my meds. I would have done everything right. But I guess that's easy to say in hindsight. I started a blog to collect all the information I gather, http://hashimoto.blogdrive.com. It helps to do something proactive and it can't hurt to educate myself. I try to keep an open mind and only go to published journal articles, or doctors themselves, for my information.

I'll keep updating this with thoughts as the process goes along. My miscarriage was about 9 months ago. I'm not going to think about that. I sought out a private repro endo who put me on different thyroid meds. I started Novarel injections and Clomid this month. I had a HSG which shows a possible blockage on one side, as if I didn't have enough problems. But that would explain why it's been 2 years with only one conception. If we don't have results soon, we start IUI.

Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!

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