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My confused thoughts (posted earlier in TTCAL)

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March 8th, 2011, 01:52 PM
RinkMom's Avatar Super Hockey Mom
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,524
I honestly don't know where to post this....

Some of you might remember me...I was here briefly last year til I got my BFP in May. Found out in August that the baby's heart stopped beating at 14w2d. That was my 2nd early 2nd tri loss in 6 months so I decided I couldn't do it anymore. Thought about DH getting the big V but the ladies on RPL and my OB told me to wait.

So I went on the BCP after my PP appt in October. I am pretty sure the BCP screwed me up emotionally even more that I actually was. February was a bad month for me -- angelversary for 2nd loss and EDD for 3rd loss. But January I was an emotional disaster leading up to those dates so I decided to finish up the pack of pills and stop taking them. A couple days later (Feb 4), AF arrived.

Well, here we are now and she hasn't returned yet. I have been bloated and been crampy for almost 2 weeks. My boobs are tender around the nipples and I have been sooo nauseous. I was sure I was prego and freaked out.

We only DTD once in Feb (the 20th). Then on the 22-24th I had pink tinged mucous when I wiped. I tested last Wed and again Sunday and Monday. I know I am not pregnant.

I really don't know what I want to do. Do I want to TTC again? We are lucky to have 4 wonderful children but I wanted 5, and that chance was taken from me. I am so scared IT will happen again. I am scared that I will regret not trying again for the rest of my life.

Thanks for reading.
*********Formerly Soon2B5*********
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March 9th, 2011, 07:34 AM
Addaboy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Near Cleveland, OH
Posts: 372
"I am scared that I will regret not trying again for the rest of my life"- that is a HUGE reason that I continue to TTC. I am totally happy that I have my girls but we really wanted more, I feel like if I don't do everything I can to fulfill our dream, I will for the rest of my life wonder & regret not doing all I could.

don't live like that, don't live thinking you may regret it. Do what you think is all you can do to achieve your dream & if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, at least you did what you could.

You know we are here if things don't work out & you need the support. ((HUGS))
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March 9th, 2011, 07:38 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,740
Karen, as long as I've known you you've wanted to have that 5th baby. You've never been resigned to the fact that you're done, you've been devastated that you're done. If your heart can't be ok with not trying again then I think you should go for it. Have you had testing? I can't remember. I would get yourself as healthy as possible and then go for it. I for one would be tickled to death to see you get your BFP! Do it!

*Thank you so much to Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!*

Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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March 9th, 2011, 08:08 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,613
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I agree with Amber here, Karen. I know you're scared to try again (so am I) but you don't feel ok with not trying again. That says a lot. Of course, only you and your DH can make the decision, but I vote for ttc.

Also like Amber, I cannot remember if you had any testing. If not, I do recommend it.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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