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August 24th, 2006, 11:58 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
So Monday I have to go to my RE with my dumb ***** lawyer to discuss my last m/c and if he believes it was the result of the car accident I was in or perhaps related to my overall condition. I also am seeing the RE the following day (Tuesday) and he will look things over since my surgery on June 30 tha and let us know when we can TTC.
I use to think that this day approaching would be one I would be looking forward to but instead I'm feeling uneasy. Part of me is so scared that I'm going to be bombarded with invalidating statements about my latest loss...like that there is no way to whoile heartedly blame it on the accident or I'm goin g to have to simply hear my attorney be calus and unkind as he usually is (why he's my attorney is a long story but basically i'm too far in w/this guy to fire him so put up with him seems to be my only option). I am also scared that my follow up appt will bring yet again bad news...like i am not healed enough or something else went wrong. Overall i am just plain scared and feeling a bit vulnerable and exposed at the moment.
I guess with these appts coming up I am having to relive a lot of what happened on Jan 31st this year. I guess in many ays i have stifled a lot of the pain. While I was going through it I was pleasantly surprised at how well i handled it. Looking back I think there was just a lot of denial, rationalization, and simply not dealing that came along with that tragedy.
I want a baby. I want to ttc. i want to be a part of this forum or the pg after recurrent loss forum. i see all the bfp's coming to the board and I feel like I want to be there too....then the warm thoughts of having a baby are overshadowed by what seems to be only pain...like there will never be a way to get there. It';s this unreachable destination. How do i get from point A to point B? Even if the dr says everything is great and tells my lawyer yes indeed the car accident killed my last baby...then what? then I get pg again and walk on egg shells? Then I get to avoid m y IRL pg friends for a different reason...fearing I will loose mine and they will carry their's to term.
I took a new job. My DH and I are searching to purchase a home to 'start our family"....I say i want a stable environement for our children...am i simply distracting myself? Am i making all these plans to prolong the process? Am i hoping that I'll have an excuse to not ttc (wait till after we find the house)...or am I setting myself up...am i trying to make things perfect thinking having these things in place will bring a baby to flourishen?
i don't know what I'm rambling about...this all may not even make sense...it's been a long night. Thank god I have therapy in the morning.
i think I'll try to sleep now that all this mumbo jumbo is off my chest.
thanks for reading.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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August 25th, 2006, 02:29 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Norina, I understand how you feel about the accident. My loss in 1993 was right after an accident, actually the night of the accident after I went home. It was my first m/c. When we went to mediation with the insurance company they were so cold about it, so insensitive. They told me anything could have caused it and most likely was not a result of the accident but just a coincidence. They fought hard and the mediator awarded me nothing for my physical suffering and then only gave me half of what I needed just to make me whole again. His words, "The law is very clear, they will give you the current value of the vehicle since you had no injuries I cannot award you anything for medical" and in that statement he eliminated my childs existance.
I hope your RE makes it clear to them that if it hadn't been for the accident you would be pg right now. Make them understand what was taken away from you. Don't let them de-value your child and chalk it up to coincidence and make sure you fight them the whole way. It shouldn't make a difference to them if it "could" have happened anyway because if it would have happened any other way then it would have been fate but it didn't and they need to pay for taking away something so special to you. I compare it to this: If you shoot a man and he falls out of a window and dies from the fall but not the gunshot, does that make you any less guilty of the murder? Regardless of why it happened, the accident put the wheels in motion and that should be considered as the cause. I studied law for 2 years and quit because I just couldn't stand lawyers
There are a lot of negatives when you have been through what we have all been through and I would be concerned if you didn't feel a bit of anxiety about having a baby. Don't beat yourself up over the worry because it's normal. I honestly worried about everything. I still am (I wont go into it right now but you know what I'm talking about). Even after you join us on the pg after.... board you're still going to have fears but that's what we are here for. We will be there for you.
sending you all of them I can spare.

visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
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August 25th, 2006, 08:54 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Norina! You really have a lot going on in your life right now. I'm glad you got a new job. I pray that it treats you better than the last one. As for the lawyer/RE meeting today, he may come across as callous, but that will be good prep for you if this goes to trial. Your lawyer has to think like the other side to make sure he can fully counter all their points. I can guarantee you the opposing counsel will not be nice about things and they will attack with your other losses if the court allows them to be brought up. It won't be an easy appointment, but you will make it through and we'll be here for you afterwards. You are a very strong woman and I know you can do this.

Try to take everything one thing at a time. Get through Monday's appointment with the lawyer, then come vent to us. Then get through Tuesday's appointment and come vent to us. If after that you're not ready to ttc, that's OK. You'll know when the time is right.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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August 25th, 2006, 09:26 AM
candacesoon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,963
I don't really know what to add to what the other ladies have said but I'm sorry you're having to deal with your butthead lawyer again. I hope things turn out the way you want.

I want a baby. I want to ttc. i want to be a part of this forum or the pg after recurrent loss forum. i see all the bfp's coming to the board and I feel like I want to be there too....[/b]
Oh God Norina....I am so right there with you. My heart fills with joy everytime I see one our friends get a BFP! I'm thrilled for them, I'm terrified for them, I pray for them everyday. My heart breaks because I want to join them.

Just know that we all love you and we are here for you.

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August 25th, 2006, 05:21 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
then what? then I get pg again and walk on egg shells? Then I get to avoid m y IRL pg friends for a different reason...fearing I will loose mine and they will carry their's to term.[/b]
Yeah, pretty much. DH and I opted out of any responsibility by just seeing what happened, and I got pg right away. I'm thrilled, but it's terrifying, and the stress is taking a toll.

This may sound totally cheesy, but my advice is to follow your heart. That's what we did when we decided just not to prevent a pg, and I felt at peace with the decision. Both trying and not trying felt wrong. It sounds like you are starting to have a feeling one way or the other, and I would say go for it, whatever it turns out to be. I like to keep that quote in mind about "life is what happens when you're making other plans".

As far as the legal/RE situation, my prayers are with you. That sounds like a horrible amount of stress to go through, on top of house stuff and a new job. Good luck.

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August 25th, 2006, 07:44 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Sweetie - I hate that lawyer of yours!!!! But I hope he does a heck of a job for you. Of course you are worried. Geez - how many times have we all thoguth we felt one way & when it comes down to it - we feel soooo different than we thought? Getting ANY medical test is a little nerve wracking...but soemthing this important scares ALL of us. I knwo you are worried on a million levels & yes I do think the house hunting, hte getting ready, etc is part of trying to avoid - but we all need SOME distraction. It isn't totally healthy to ONLY think TTC/and grieve. We have to have other things to focus on, that make us happy. I know you well enough to knwo these gitters will pass to some degree & the part that remains will just be there until you've got a screaming baby in your arms. And I too don't liek other firends being pg right now. It's awful. When my friend told me she was pg - all I could think is "and she'll go on to have ANOTHER healthy baby"...which of course means I am thinking in the back of my mind that I won't. I wish it weren't true. I wish I were excited. But it will come & even if it doesn't I don't really care. All I want is a healthy baby - so if that means I never get to be ecstatic for these 9 months - fine - just give me the end result - I WILL be ecstatic then - I PROMISE. I wish I could hug you!!!! I know this is tough & your Rx of estrogen can't help things. I truly believe very soon we will all be talking about your pg & what your new worry of the day is like the rest of us. Until then - feel free to vent about any & ALL of your stuff. It helps to get it out. It helps to get the extra love & support & I certainly want the updates!
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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August 26th, 2006, 07:02 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
I've been up since 4 am but having all your responses makes the insomnia worth it I came to the right place with my vent...thank you!

Rhonda, I did not know this story about your 1st m/c and the car accident. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really strengthens me to know I am not alone in this and that you really do understand...our stories are just too parrell to be coincidental. God most certainly brought you into my life...for that i thanked Him tonight. I have a renewed sense of wanting to fight this case after hearing how you were treated and your babies' life not being recognized. I went today and picked up my medical records from my OB to take over to my RE's office on Monday for the meeting with the lawyer. As I read through them I cried...I saw the notes from my first phone call to the office about being pg with Raven to the results of the d and c when she was all gone from inside of me...It was hard to see all that written in medical lingo but at the same time it's proof she existed. I'm not sure that I mentioned this here before but what really infuriates me the most about this case is that the man who caused this accident was uninsured, had his driver's license suspended and that day was driving for his company. So not only was it just his personal negligence that killed my baby but his company's as well...I know he personally did not set out tha day to ruin my life but come on....sometimes "accidents" have determental effects. I would be 3 weeks away from my due date had he not decided to get in his car and drive illegally that day.
I will fight hard Rhonda....for us both.

cece, Candace, srs, 4iris-thank you for relating to me and passing on words of encouragement. It warms my heart and brings about a sense of peace in my heart to know that whatever happens monday or Tuesday or when I get pg, that I have all of you no matter what.

Beck- you are right, the gitters will subside...they have a little already. They'll return on monday at 2:59 (appt is at 3:00) and subside once again...and return the following morning. You make a good point about my A-hole of a lawyer...let's hope he turns his attitude does a heck of a job for me...ultimately honoring my Raven's death.

Extra prayers for peace with whatever outcome lies ahead would be very much appreciated!

I love you all.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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