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I'm scared and can't shake these thoughts

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August 17th, 2009, 04:51 PM
JennyBeanlv's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 107
Hi ladies. I'm new to this board. I had two losses last year and a month after the last lost I got pg with this baby. All throughout my pregnancy I've been so worried that something bad is going to happen to this baby too and that I won't have a living baby at the end of all of this. Even though I'm much further than I ever have been, with each passing day I get more and more anxious for my baby to be here, so that I can know he's safe and alive.

I feel him move all the time, I'm monitored 2x a week for NST and we do a quick like 5 min u/s each one of those visits too. Everything they have told me says he is so healthy and doing wonderfully but, I can't fight these feelings and thoughts in the back of my mind. I find myself even looking at the stillbirth boards just hoping and praying that it won't be me. I'm just scared that the longer he is in my tummy, the greater the chance of something bad happening to him.

Have you felt this way with a pregnancy after reoccuring loss? I just don't know how to deal with these feelings and my husband and dr have said it's normal for any pregnant woman to be nervous and anxious towards the end. I'm sure it is to some degree but, how can I reassure myself that everything will be ok? I don't think I could handle carrying him this long and not being able to take him home with me.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't always feel this way but when the thoughts come up in the back of my mind it's hard to get them out of my head.
My babies grew wings: 4/23/08 and 10/27/08

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August 17th, 2009, 05:11 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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HUGS sweetie. I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. One of my best friends in the world is the host of the stillbirth forum, so I know I will be in your exact same position when I do get pregnant.

The best thing you can do is be sure to monitor your kicks. If you are worried, the girls there would be more than happy to give you advice, Brittanie (who hosts pregnancy loss) is a wealth of knowledge about kick counts. As long as he's kicking and moving, he's doing ok.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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August 17th, 2009, 05:14 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,480
I felt the same way when I was p/g with my DD (after 2 losses). I think having experienced loss, and being exposed to all of the later loss stories makes it harder to be as happy-go-lucky as other p/g women are at this stage in pregnancy. I'm sorry to say that I don't think there is a magical way that you can reassure yourself. Just know that you and your doctors are doing all that they can to insure that you do get to bring home a healthy baby (though I really can relate because at the end of my p/g with DD, I was having a couple of NSTs and u/s's weekly as well, and I was still worried that something was going to happen to her and I wouldn't get to bring her home with me).

And if you can't stop worrying, you can always come here and talk about it- we've BTDT.

10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

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August 17th, 2009, 05:36 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 835
I am going through the same thing. No matter what I can't shake the nervous feelings. I still cry and worry that something is going to go wrong. And being so close to the end has only escalated those feelings again. After so many losses, it's hard to believe that any pregnancy can actually result in a baby. And if something were to go wrong now I really think I would lose my mind. I've got high blood pressure right now so I'm also being checked 2x/week. We are doing non-stress tests and/or sonograms at each appt. So far all the tests have come back great, so that has made me feel a lot better. But it has definitely not removed all my fears. I still freak out if he's not moving enough. And this happens even on the days that the sono/NST was performed. I just pray we make it. And I pray the same for you and your baby. Keep me posted on your progress.
Me: 33
DH: 32

TTC 3/07
m/c - 7/29/07 (5w4d)
m/c - 10/8/07 (6w4d)
m/c - 2/27/08 (11w5d)
m/c - 6/20/08 (7w2d)
9/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, not enough mature follies
10/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, ovulated on my own
12/08 - IVF w/ PGD: BFP!
Owen Royce...born August 28, 2009

1/10 IVF w/ PGD: 1 egg fertilized, so no PGD
1/30/10 Transferred in one embryo
2/13/10 - BFP!
Georgia Elle...born October 15, 2010

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August 17th, 2009, 06:21 PM
JennyBeanlv's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 107
Thank you ladies for your kind words and reassurance. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one in this situation and the only one that's worried. I guess I just need to take it one day at a time and just keep doing what's best for me and my baby and hope for the best.
My babies grew wings: 4/23/08 and 10/27/08

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August 17th, 2009, 09:56 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I can so relate. I was angry when people wanted to bring over baby things at the end of my pg even...because I still wasn't convinced I would ever bring a baby home. I wish I knew how to tell you to ease the worry. I certainly couldn't get there when it was happening to me. The problem is that even though the chances are remote...I have been in that remote percentage before...so I don't care if there is a 99% chance everything is fine....if it isn't 100%, then there is still a chance. And after going through so much loss & then getting such a "rare" dx, I was pretty sure that any bad fortune that could befall someone would surely visit itself upon me. Luckily for me, I was wrong & instead I have a beautiful, healthy 2 yr old boy. I hope if nothing else it helps to know you arnet' crazy or paranoid & you certainly aren't alone. I will say some extra prayers that your heart finds more peace as you get through these final weeks...maybe even days! Let's just hope you can get through this last part quickly so you can hold that baby & move on to othe rworries (like freaking out when they sleep too long )
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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