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Just need some encouragement

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January 13th, 2010, 05:28 PM
Treysmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,206
Hello everyone my name is Nikki and my husband and I have had 2 m/c and are trying again......But I am sooooo scared of getting pregnant again, I just feel like its going to end in heartache again. I just want it so badly its crazy!!! I guess I just need to know that its possible to lose two babies and still go on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy that doesnt end in sadness. If some of you ladies are willing could you please share some of your storys with me. If not its ok, I just need some encouragment.

Thank you all in andvance,

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January 15th, 2010, 02:54 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
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JM had some issues and the posts were eaten. Luckily, I was subscribed and got the emails with the replies. I will copy and paste them in for you.

April (BabyBird) replied with:
I know exactly how you are feeling. I thought there was no hope after losing 3 of my babies but as you can see I now have a HEALTHY *almost* 5 month old. Have you done any testing to see if there is a reason you lost your babies? I know some Drs wont do testing until after you lose 3 which I think is rediculous! My OB did some testing after our second loss and we found nothing so we thought it was just bad luck but after the third she sent us to an RE who found our cause and we were able to treat it the next time. A huge percentage of people with RPL never find a cause but most still go on to have successful pregnancies so even if you don't find out why it doesn't mean there is no hope.

I know how it feel to want it so badly but be terrified of another loss at the same time. Just remember the only way to get that end result is to keep trying. Don't give up hope.
Dawn (DawnN) said:
I have 5 little ones in Heaven. But as you can see from my siggy, it is definitely possible to lose babies and still go on to have a healthy one, or two or more. ((((hugs)))) I am so sorry for your losses.

I had given up hope on ever conceiving and bringing a baby into this world again when my friend begged me to try her doctor (an R.E.). As a last ditch effort, I went and right away my hope was restored when they asked why I hadn't been treated for a blood clotting disorder that I had. My son was conceived a couple of months later and my "sweet surprise" daughter was born this past June.

I wish that doctors wouldn't make women wait until 3 losses to find out what the problem is. That is so frustrating. Are there any underlying conditions that you have, that you're aware of (ie: PCOS, endometriosis, etc) that may be causing the m/c's?

I'll be praying that you find some answers. If you have any questions that I may be able to answer, please don't hesitate to pm me.
Denise (MomOf2Goddesses) shared her success story as well:
I have 4 angel babies, i had my first loss when i was 19 didn't really know what to think because i was so young. I got pregnant later that year and had my first DD in 2005, shortly after she was born i got pregnant again and had my second DD in 2006. DH and I decided to TTC again when my second was a little over a year old this was in November 2007, I had gotten pregnant with the girls very easy so I thought TTC would be a cake walk. I got pregnant the first month of TTC and I was so excited only to have those feelings crushed in a matter of a couple weeks. When i got my positive test i was already bleeding and i knew in my heart something wasn't right and i would probably not stay pregnant. I miscarried on December 12th, all i could think about was TTC again so we decided to not even wait till i got my next AF, lo and behold i got pregnant again and found out towards the end of December i was really excited, things seemed to be going along pretty good then around 6-7 weeks i started spotting and it was all over again, i just kept thinking how can this happen to me i have two healthy kids and both there pregnancies were so easy. I talked to my OB and she did lost of testing which all came back normal, i even had an HSG done to make sure i didn't have fibroid. After all the test came back normal i was referred to a RE and they wanted to do a few more test, well a week before my test i found out i was pregnant again! This was now the end of 2008. I had beta's done and they were looking good and things were starting to go along just great. Then at about 8 weeks i started bleeding bad, i was so upset and didn't know what to think, i was told i had a sever SCH which was causing the bleeding, i had already seen the babies heartbeat and I was so worried that this SCH was going to take my baby away from me. At 9 weeks my fears came true, i went in to my appt and our little baby no longer had a heartbeat, i was a emotional mess at that point, and i had a D&C the next day. We waited a month and my RE put me on c!
lomid, i
got pregnant my first cycle of clomid in March 2009 and I just gave birth to my now 5 week old son on 12/09/2009. So even after everything i went through and all the heartache in the end i finally got to have my sweet precious rainbow baby!\

Sorry this was so long!
Lisa ( LisaB ) has two with one on the way after her struggles:
Hi Nikki! I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages. But, there is definitely hope!

I had 4 miscarriages, then went on to have 2 daughters by IVF, and then surprise, I'm pregnant with a baby boy all on my own. The doctors gave me a 2% chance of ever conceiving on my own, and that was when I was 38, and now I'm 40. So there is definitely hope, no matter what the doctors tell you!

I hope it doesn't scare you that I said I had 4 miscarriages first - I remember reading other people's posts thinking, omg, will I have to go through 6 miscarriages before I have a baby? Will I ever have a baby? It was such an awful time in my life. But keep your eye on the prize. All the suffering I went through was definitely worth it in the end. Now I have more kids than I know what to do with. LOL
Emma (Mum2Gab&Bean) replied with:
Hi Nikki - I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages!

I have personally had 4 losses - all first trimester... I had 2 prior to having my daughter, and 2 after having my daughter - and am currently 17w2d pregnant...

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)

Last edited by esparando para bebé; January 15th, 2010 at 02:56 PM.
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January 15th, 2010, 03:00 PM
Treysmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,206
Thank you ladies for all your encouraging words, they do help a lot........I do sometimes think God am I really gonna have to go threw this 3 or 4 more times b/f I get a baby....b/c I dont think I can do it even one more time.
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January 16th, 2010, 05:37 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Nikki - I think it is very normal to not know how far you can take this road. In fact I think most of us have been at the point where we were quitting or did quit. In fact one of the ladies pregnant right now (and due close in time to me) I believe was absolutely certain she was "out"...and then you never know....you change your mind, you get an "oops" and viola - you end up back in the game. When I got pg for my son who is 2 1/2 I had decided I was done. I had three confirmed mcs & one uncomfirmed & one of those was with twins. I really thought that 5 angels was MORE than enough for me....then Dh & I had a miscommunication & oopsie - I end up pg again. And I am of course thankful for the oops - as we have a beautiful son who is the light of my life. After him I wanted some time, a LOT of time to just be happy & not worry about loss. We had testing done before i had gotten pg with my son & I knew our odds weren't great. Dh has a chromosomal abnormality known as a balanced translocation - and the only thing we could do was very expensive IVF with PGD...and that wasn't really an option for us....so I thought adoption would be our next route. Anyway - when deciding to TTC again I KNEW we were in for the same rough road we had before...so I was a bit hesitant to jump in. Between Ds & this baby (due in 7 weeks!) I had a very early loss, a miscarriage at almost 7 weeks & another very early loss....so that makes this my ninth pregnancy. I can remember early on when women would write stories like this I found them more often depressing rather than uplifting...because at that moment I could NOT imagine how I could possibly do 9 pregnancies to get two babies... But from this end of the journey it does look different to me. I am not in the kind of gut wrenching pain that I was when I was starting out - and a couple of things have made all the difference...first of all - having Ds of course has made me believe I had a real reason to hope. It was no longer so "pie in the sky" idea of having a baby, but it was FACT that if I stuck it out - I COULD have a baby. That was the easy part. Now the other two critical pieces for me was #1 - learning to accept my path & our dx...REALLY accept it...no more 'why me's", no more "this isn't fair", but rather to accept that this is just what it is & I am going to embrace it for whatever that means...and try to see where this will take me & how I can use this pain & my experiences to enrich my life & who I am as a person rather than focus on what it has taken from me....and #2 - I personally had to find some spiritual grounding...because I was REALLY angry at God & whoever about all of it...and i needed to not be angry anymore & I needed to find real roots where i felt like I could truly find a spiritual center for myself. For every person that is different....for me I found it thourgh reading up on Buddhism. I think at that time I found it so attractive because one of the basic tenants are known as teh 4 Noble Truths & they are: The Four Noble Truths: 1. Life means suffering. (Oh how I could relate to that) 2. The origin of suffering is attachment. (I could relate to this too because I suffered as a result of nto relaly being able to let go of the babies I had attached my heart to), 3. The cessation of suffering is attainable. (And I thought PLEASE tell me more - LOL) 4. The path to the cessation of suffering. (and of course - this too I was interested in)...but anyway - through this process for me I came to realize that I had attached myself to these babies that I didn't even know if they would be with me, and I was hinging my happiness on this...and that ALL things in life are impermanent, we all will die, we all will grow old, change, friends/family move away, all these things can really hurt...but they hurt less if we accept that life is all about change, impermanence, loss, gain, etc... Now I can't say any of this changed my fundamental beliefs...it was just a good perspective for me at a time I needed it & it taught me how to meditate (which a busy mind like mine NEEDS)...so it helped me immensely - still does. I just don't get much time to meditate these days with a SUPER busy toddler - but then again I feel most days I need the meditation less than I used to as well. I still plan to get back to it more,. just not feasible most days right now. Anyway - my point was NOT to try to sell you on Buddhism....far from it - it was to show you how working on MY spiritual path made a difference for me. I think it is important for each of us to find that place that makes sense to our soul & makes us feel home. It did that for me. For others it's an entirely different path.place that leads them to that same feeling. I just hope you have that & if you don't, that you will seek it. I think it was the MOST critical piece to my healing because it is what lead me to be okay with it all - to accept it.

So I hope that you find hope in these stories, but more importantly I hope that you find hope in your OWN!

Much love~
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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January 16th, 2010, 08:36 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 653
Hi Nikki,
Just thought I'd share my story. I've had 3 miscarriages. The first was in 2005, a few months after marrying my husband. At Thanksgiving we were telling our immediate families that we were expecting, and by Christmas I had a miscarriage. My OB at the time was good for giving the pregnancy a chance and put me on progesterone when the heartbeat wasn't there, but that was about it. He refused to do any testing for a year. At the time, I was 30 yrs old. I didn't feel good about waiting. I started learning as much about my body as I could. By about May, I was back at my doctor's office trying to pursue testing and was told again I had to wait. I finally got pregnant again that next month, but miscarried again. I tried to hook up with a new doctor, but that one didn't seem to want to deal with my 2nd miscarriage and told me to go back to my old doctor. Me being stubborn, contacted yet another OB (recommended by a co-worker). This OB said "who was he to stand in my way if I wanted testing? He wasn't the one miscarrying." He ran some tests himself, then referred me to an RE. By late 2006, I backed away from trying, The RE had diagnosed me as hypothyroid, elevated FSH, and a luteal phase defect. I found a regular doctor to monitor my thyroid and it was his nurse practitioner who diagnosed me with PCOS. She put me on metformin and I lost about 20 lbs. I finally got pregnant again around July 2007, but miscarried yet again. I contacted another RE (recommended by some others who had PCOS). This guy totally blew the wind out of my sails! He refused to do anything but donor eggs with me. I lost all hope since in trying to get pregnant. I started to think harder about adoption. Then about a month later my mom ran into her old OB. He recommended yet another RE. So I sent an email to this latest RE, giving him the lowdown on everything, asking if he had any ideas to help me. He did. So I scheduled an appt for a few weeks later. Then about a week prior to the appt, I discovered that I was pregnant on my own again. This new RE checked my progesterone and immediately put me on progesterone supplements. Progesterone in oil shots is what worked. I went on to have my son in June 2008. I honestly didn't think that could happen again. My husband started talking about trying again last June. I told him no, not yet, I wasn't sure that I could handle the trying again. Then about a week or so later I discovered that I was already pregnant again. Back on the progesterone in oil shots I went. Now I'm almost 30 weeks along and due to have a little girl in March. I feel so blessed to be having another child.

As Beckie pointed out, her spirituality was something that helped her. I can honestly say that my faith in God (Catholicism) is what has carried me through. I'm the type of person who believes that everything happens for a reason, although sometimes we may never know the reasons. At this point in my journey, I believe that God wanted me to turn to him and to stop trying to hold the reigns. Perhaps that's why I feel more relaxed this pregnancy, I'm not trying to force it to be ok?

This road is not an easy one, but if you can find the strength to keep trying, I pray that all of these stories give you hope. Sometimes you can find the strength to try again. Other times, not so much. Just be sure to let yourself feel what you need to feel. There is no set path that you have to take.

Married to Eric since June 25, 2005
mom to
3 Angel babies and Ryan and Rachel
Ryan born 6-18-08
Rachel born 3-20-10
Baby boy due on 2-24-14

Everything Good comes on time - we just don't know when that time is.
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January 18th, 2010, 02:09 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,914
Hi Nikki!!! I am also Nikki Love your name and the spelling! Nikki's rule!!!

But I am sorry about your losses. It is very hard and I understand the fear and the want to get pg again.

I have had 3 m/c and 2 healthy living children and we are TTC again.

My 1st loss was my 1st pg

I got pg with my DD 3 months later. She was born happy and healthy with all 10 toes and fingers.

When she turned 2 we started TTC again. I lost my 2nd angel in May 2007 and then my 3rd in Oct 2007 - that one was ectopic - I also lost my right tube.

I then accidently got pg with DS immidatly after. We were not TTC and only dtd once on CD46...I was sure I had already O'd...SUPRISE!!!! I did not even get AF between my ectopic baby and my DS.

PG after loss is terrifying! But it is also beautiful to have the hope of new life. While I am very blessed to have 2 living children I still love the 3 I lost. No matter how long I had with them it is precious to me.

The other ladies are right TTC after a loss is a hard road. But IMHO one very worth taking.

Have you had any testing to see if there is a cause to your losses?

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January 18th, 2010, 07:50 PM
Treysmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,206
No I havnt been able to have any testing done b/c i didnt have insurance when I got pregnant both times so when I started bleeding I just went to the ER and they told me what was happening. The first time the ER nurse was really mean about it but that is a whole nother story. But anyway I do thank all of you ladies for telling me your storys they have helped some. I guess I wont feel at ease until I have a lil baby in my arms. I long for that day so bad!!!!
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