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When was he ready?

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January 30th, 2006, 09:31 AM
Posts: n/a
To have kids?

DH and I have always had plans to be parents... for years I was too scared (but now I've made peace with that) and now he's very concerned about money so he wants to wait. When did your SO/husband agree?
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January 30th, 2006, 06:20 PM
Sassy5d's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,544
To have kids?

DH and I have always had plans to be parents... for years I was too scared (but now I've made peace with that) and now he's very concerned about money so he wants to wait. When did your SO/husband agree?[/b]

All my children were unplanned.. so we just dove head first into it..
When theres a will, theres a way.. and unless you guys are living out of cardboard boxes, you manage to find away to take care of your kids, even if you need a lil help here and there...

I don't know how old you guys are, but I'll tell ya, it was MUCH easier when I was younger having my daughter then it is now with my son (6 year difference) Thats something to take into consideration also...

[i]Like to Write? Want to get Paid/Published? Come join me![/b][/url]
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January 30th, 2006, 09:12 PM
ksk ksk is offline
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 388
I got married a year out of college at 23. My DH is 6 yrs older than me. Neither of us wanted children right away. We wanted to travel and enjoy being married for a while. We both agreed that we'd start a family when I was 30 and that's what we did. Our 3rd child was a surprise, but a wonderful surprise.
SAHM to:
Jake 3/8/94
Madeline 9/25/96
Kyle 10/19/04
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January 30th, 2006, 09:15 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Our first was unplanned. I told him I was ready for #2 for a few months. Then said "Honey, I have no more BC pill refills in 2 months and I wont be renewing the script" LOL

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January 31st, 2006, 09:42 AM
Posts: n/a
LOL All the ladies tell me when I've learn how TCOYF, that I should use it my advantage... part of me wants to but... we'll see.

Thanks for sharing stories girls - I would love to hear more if you got them!
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February 9th, 2006, 09:30 AM
alexasmum's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Manitoba, Canada
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my dh decided he wanted a baby after a close friend of ours had one he sat and started at her for a while finally picked her up and said i want one too!!!!
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February 13th, 2006, 03:40 PM
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Anyone close to Calgary willing to let me borrow your baby or just come over for coffee?
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February 13th, 2006, 03:48 PM
Jacquie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
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At first we thought that we would start trying as soon as the wedding was over, but then we realized that I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding when I would have been 8 months pregnant, and I wouldn't be able to make the plane ride (it's a 28 hour drive), so we decided to wait a few months. We both knew that we wanted to start sooner rather than later because of age. He always thought that he would have at least one child by 30, and he is now 3 years behind schedule.
TTC #1:
5/28/05: miscarriage
08/30/05: miscarriage
01/15/05: misdiagnosed with PCOS
08/29/06: first appt at fertility clinic (was already pregnant with dd and didn't know it)
05/16/07: DD was born

TTC #2:
11/13/09: let's try again!
03/10/10: tests with new OB - everything totally normal for DH and I, no indication of pcos; officially diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility"
04/21/10 - 10/13/10: 7 unsuccessful rounds of clomid with OB
11/13/10 - 14/23/11: 3 unsuccessful IUI's with clomid at fertility clinic
07/27/11: ER for IVF - retrieved 27; 17 were mature enough to fertilize; all 17 fertilized; 11 made it to day 3 embryos; 6 made it to day 6 blasts. Transferred 1, froze 5.
08/08/11: positive hpt!
08/13/11 - 08/20/11: positive blood test (186), but cramping and bleeding. 2 days later, blood at 275; 2 days later, blood at 21. Inevitable miscarriage.
10/13/11: start suprefact for first FET
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February 13th, 2006, 05:06 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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Our first was unplanned.... we had been trying for close to 10 months for #2. I still don't think he is 100% ready for another one.... but thats probably just new baby nerves.

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February 14th, 2006, 10:34 AM
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I am getting upset about it... I need to tell him tonight that I need to tell him about how much I want kids without getting a lecture from him about our finances...
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February 14th, 2006, 05:29 PM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry that it's so difficult. DH has always been ready and I was afraid because I knew the problems that I have would make it difficult and more expensive. (And when I say that DH wanted to try right away, I mean before we were even dating!) I was mostly hesitant because neither one of us had a permanent job--he was a student still and I was a floater. I moved out here with him and we immediately started trying--my mom had died, we had spent 6 months apart, I had almost died, and I had lost an unplanned pregnancy...all in 6 months. But even then, I don't think that I was fully ready. We were living with his parents, I was about to start a master's degree, he had never held a job. Lucky me I had a couple of years to get it resolved. Like your DH, my biggest concern was money--I have never worried about being a good mother or loving my child enough, but the money!!! Eek. Eventually, I realized that we would never have "enough", but that we would get by. We're not in danger of losing where we live, we'll always have enough to eat, and all those expensive baby things aren't necessary. If we lost insurance, there are ways around that, no money for food, there are programs. Now, we're a bit more settled, but in no way well off...basement apartment, one car, no real luxuries, etc.*** But we want this more than anything now and will do everything humanly possible to ensure that it's always taken care of. DH had to convince me of that...and he was right. Our baby won't have a fancy nursery, 3 cute outfits per day, enough toys to fill an Olympic swimming pool, 5 different sleeping areas, mobiles hanging from every inch of the ceiling, etc., but it will never be homeless, hungy, cold, or unloved. It will always have everything it needs.

I honestly don't know of a way to convince your DH because it's probably something he has to come around to and realize for himself, but you CAN help him to understand that if you wait for everything to be perfectly in place, you'll likely never have children. (I thought we'd wait till we were both out of school, only to realize that I wouldn't start having kids until I was about 42! Since I'll most likely have to have a hysterectomy within a few years, I didn't think it was worth waiting!) Do you have friends with kids who may be willing to share their stories so that he knows that money isn't the be-all and end-all of deciding to have kids?

I don't live in Calgary right now, but DH and I have been considering it VERY seriously, but probably not for at least a year or so...if we get to have this baby, move there, and you still live there, you're welcome for coffee and babyness anytime!!!

Good luck, Michelle...I hope that your chat with DH goes well. I know how hard this has been, the waiting and wondering, and I'll be thinking about you.

***That part sounded pathetic--we have lots of fun. We have mountains for hiking, rivers for boating, a season pass to National Parks (and we live an hour from Yellowstone), good friends and family, and so on. We're not all monkish and just waiting for life to come to us, I promise, we just find less expensive ways to have fun. Plus, my family had NOTHING when I was growing up and I had so much fun...without money, you just find other ways. I have no doubt that a child born to you and DH, who both want this so badly, will have anything but a fantastic life with only the fondest memories of childhood and of parents who loved him/her more than life itself.

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February 14th, 2006, 11:42 PM
SavaAngel's Avatar Mama to AJ & Katie
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We were worried about our finances about a year ago, but things have since perked up! We have wanted a family together since before we got married and wouldda started trying on the honeymoon if it weren't for our financial insecurities at the time. We had agreed to begin trying in hopes to have our first in 2007, but we had a suprise gift from God this year and will be having our first in 2006!

PM to see if I am available to make a siggy - decisions will be made on a case by case basis.


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March 30th, 2006, 11:25 AM
Nina's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When we got married, we had already decided to have more kids, but we wanted to wait a few years so we could spoil DD first, have time to travel and be with each other. DD was already older, so it was easy to find a babysitter when we wanted to go out and we spent time together while she was in school. We knew last January that it was time. We had had our fun and DD was begging for a sibling. So now we have our son.

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March 31st, 2006, 08:33 PM
soninole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Florida
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Our son was unplanned. DH made it very clear from the moment we started dating that he wanted kids. He basically said that if I did not want any then he was not interested in going any further with a relationship. Luckily, I wanted kids also.

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March 31st, 2006, 09:45 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
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Jeremy was not planned -- but he wasn't *prevented* either. We just decided to let nature decide for us. I can tell you that you (or your hubby) will NEVER feel that there is enough money, time, etc. All I can say is that it simply has a way of working out.

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April 28th, 2006, 07:31 AM
TN MOM's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Covington,TN
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Dh and I got married in our thirties and had discussed having kids right away. So once we knew I was covered on his insurance I got off BC and got pregnant in just a few weeks.
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~*Dylan Zachary*~
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April 29th, 2006, 04:56 AM
Cyndee's Avatar Mommy to 3 tagalongs
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We both knew we wanted children.. So we always agreed.. If it happened it happened...
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April 29th, 2006, 01:49 PM
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Joshua was unplanned, but we also wanted children. We just weren't planning on having one so soon.
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April 29th, 2006, 10:32 PM
dawnk777's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The plan was to wait a year, after we got married, so Oct. 88. I started begging to start TTC in September. Well, man plans and God laughs, so I didn't get pregnant until Dec 88! LOL! So, it was over a year, by the time I got pregnant!

When Sarah was almost 2, I was ready for another one. I told him it was time and we needed to do it soon, or wait another month. So, we DTD and I got pregnant, right then and there!

So. Sarah was 2 years and 7 months, when Emily was born.

The deciding really came before we were married. It was just a matter of when. We had names picked out, shortly after we got married.
~*Mom to Sarah, 22 and Emily, 20*~

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