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maybe you ladies can shed some light for me

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May 3rd, 2006, 03:46 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: California
Posts: 5,190
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i was in the same situation back in 2003.... the "sperm donor" wanted to be let know when i was in labor.... so my mom... (i love her to death) called him... even though it was against her better judgement.... he still didnt show up until about 3 hours after she was born and expected everything to revolve around him.... he changed her first diaper... and he stayed longer than my mom... and he was just rude and made me feel horrible.... and even now he hasnt seen her since her 1st birthday and she is now 3.... as a mother in that situation im sure my mom (Raels) will be happy to answer how she felt in that situation... she always told me that he was bad news and i just refused to listen... i thought that i was right and she could jump of a bridge.... and i told her that too.... i have spent many hours thinking about the outcome and how my mom has been there throughout the whole pregnancy and then the years leading up to now... and i now realise that my mom is in her life more than he is... and that will be my first priority....
I hope that everything works out for you and you actaully make the decision that is going to be right for you and your baby.....

ETA: When i look back on my mom cutting Tahnees cord and the facial expressions that she wore the moment that Tahnee arrived into this world... i know that that could only come from someone who truely cared about me and my baby.... that look never came from the "sperm donor"

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May 3rd, 2006, 10:59 PM
Join Date: May 2006
Location: near the Barossa Valley in South Australia
Posts: 32
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i am 20 years old and 34 weeks pregnant. i understand why my parents were so upset when i first told them. now they have come around and are really helping out. the father really isnt in the picture too much anymore (although now he is starting to come around.) he has told me that he will be upset if i tell him after the baby is born, so i have decided to have a friend call him when i go into labor on the condition that he does not come to the hospital until i am ready. that will be after my mother has left so that she doesnt feel uncomfortable. now my mother threw a BIG fit when i told her about this decision. she doesnt want me to tell the father until a few days AFTER the baby is born. she apologized to me later and said she understands why i dont want to wait but i really dont think she does. can anyone please tell me why you think she reacted this way. oh and the ONLY reason i want think the father deserves to know is so that he and i dont start arguing. if we do raise this child i want to be able to be friends like we are now. i dont want my son to be raised by people who are always screaming at one another. i just dont think that is a healthy environment for a child. anyways thanks so much for any input and advice.[/b]

hello.......I know this decision is a hard one and I can understand......I was with Krista when she had Tahnee, before and after.... and it was the best thing I ever did......My situation was a little different tho coz the father didn't believe this baby was his for months before she was born and so under those circumstances I felt if he denied being the father then he didn't deserve to be acknowledged......He knew when Krista was having the baby (the day) but not once did he ring the hospital to find out what was happening.....because Krista wanted him to know I rang him and told him all the details and he said he might come and see her.......he turned up with his Mum.....I have nothing against that but I think he still didn't believe Tahnee was his until he saw her......He actually said and I quote " I now believe this baby to be mine because no-one can keep a lie going this long" unquote......I hope your situation is a little different to that.......and I hope he will support you in the bringing up of your child both financially and emotionally......The circumstances were and are different in our case.......I also believe that in years to come your baby will want to know it's dad and if mum can be honest and not make dad look to be someone who doesn't care or didn't care if he is prepared to help you.......Maybe try and tell your MUM that even tho you can understand what she is saying she might like to consider that you and the dad are still friends and that he is prepared to help you.......It might hurt mum but in the end I'm sure she will come round......I have actually had a few good conversations with Tahnee's dad and he used to dislike me as much as I him.........they do grow up and change......I commend you for your thinking about the arguing......Even if the arguing is done in a different room the children can hear and they know when mum is upset....... and hope all goes well for you and you can get a happy medium
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