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Not a grandma but need your insight

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September 4th, 2006, 06:24 PM
medicgirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Orillia
Posts: 1,572
Hello, my name is Jennifer and I was hoping someone here would be able to give me some insight on something that I have been struggling with. I am the youngest in my family. I have one older sister. I am 27 and she will be 31 in November. Being the youngest has always been hard for me. I was born second, graduated second, learned to drive second and got married second. I always felt like these moments in my life were never as special because my parents had already been there, done that with my sister. I have been trying to get pregnant for 15 months now and my sister's husband works away from home a lot but he does come down to see her every six weeks or so. She doesn't currently have a job so she told me that she wanted to wait before she had kids so she could get maternity benefits from her future job. My parents are, of course, dying to be grandparents and I was estatic that finally I would be the first to do something, the first to give them a grandchild.

Well last night my sister called me and told me she was pregnant. I was happy for her but at the same time I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, like somehow she just had to beat me at this too. In short I felt ripped off. I know that this makes me selfish and I'm sure it will get better. I have cried for two days straight now. While I still can't wait to have a child of my own, I can't get rid of the feeling that when I announce my pregnancy it won't be as special to my parents because it won't be the first grandchild, they've done this before kind of thing. The next nine months are going to be soo hard. I'm happy for her but I will be trying so hard not to cry when we go shopping for maternity clothes and baby stuff. Not to mention that I have always felt like a third wheel when my mom and sister are together. They are very close and of course this will bring them even closer. I can't talk to anyone in my family about this because I don't want to spoil my sister's special time and I don't think my parents will understand.

I guess my question for you is : If you have more that one child, were the special moments in your second or third child's life just as special as the first? Did you look forward to your second grandchild as you did your first? Do you treat all your grandchildren equally? My mother in law told me the other day that no child is loved as much as the first grandchild, it brings so much excitement and gets way more spoiled. I think that is also adding to my anxiety. Thanks for listening. Can anyone help?
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September 4th, 2006, 09:38 PM
medicgirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Orillia
Posts: 1,572
Isn't there anybody out there?
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September 5th, 2006, 05:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 521
Well I am not a grandmother, but I can tell you about my parents & in-laws. I have the 2 oldest grandchildren. On my in-laws side I have the only gradnchildren. On my side there 6 grandchildren (mine are still the oldest). My girls are just as loved by my parents as the others. My in-laws treat my girls the same & they are beyond spoiled by them.
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October 12th, 2006, 10:23 PM
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4
[quote name='medicgirl' date=I am the grandma of 5 wonderful grandchildren. They are all special to me. I am closest to my first grandchild, not because he was first. Because I lived close to my daughter, I was able to be with her during the birth and during the first year of his life. He also had medical problems so I was able to be with him at the hospital. I think Iam close to him because I know him best. He is four years old.
All of my other grandchildren, except one, do not live close to me. Dylan is my 4th grandchild and Iam very close to him. I was also there when he was born. If you want your child to be special and close to your parents. Let them be there. Call they about everything. doctor appointments, teething, sitting up, everything. They want to know. I talk to my daughter 4 or 5 times a week, and try to see my grandchildren every month. My oldest is now able to talk on the phone and tell me about his day. I love all of my grandchildren . My son and his wife are going to try and have another baby next year and I am as excited about this baby as I was with the first. Every grandchild is a blessing and a great joy. Let your parents know everything. This is what makes them feel close to the child. Also lots of pictures. Don't worry about your baby not being as special. When you get pregant your parents will be over joyed. Best wishes.
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October 21st, 2006, 03:59 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,657
I'm not a grandma but my son's the second on one side and the third on the other. And the third great grandchild. He's spoild like you wouldn't believe. As for favoret I don't know we don't like close to eather so it's a treat when he's around them. He see's them 2 x a year. for those times he's inseprable. I think he's defently my in-laws favorite. Honestly he's so diffrent then his cousins that he doesn't just "blend in". He seems to be favorte because he does go farther away however they keep in touch by phone, our website, and pictures sent on-line. He's also starting to talk to them via webcam, and AIM. He's also the only one that was an emergency c-section. I agree let them be at the hospital in. My parents were in the room until I started pushing. Then I wanted it just to be me and dh. You may have not been the first child but I'm sure you had a lot of your own firsts (coming from a middle) because you both have diffrent personalities.
Yes mabe your not their "favorite" but I'm pretty sure to your Sister your their "favorite". Parents tend to talk about how well the other sibling is doing and what you should do like them but rest asure the do the same thing to them.

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December 4th, 2006, 11:21 AM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 7
I am a grandmother of 2 beautiful granddaughters. While we were very excited about the first one, the second one was just as exciting! They are both so different and I love spending time with them, both together and apart. Even though I have seen Hailey go through things, it is still exciting to see Joline go through the same things. They are both such happy children and the apples of their grandparents eyes. I am hoping that my oldest child will soon bless us with another grandchild. They are wonderful.
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December 4th, 2006, 02:37 PM
Crossfire Bulldogs's Avatar Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 40
Each one of my grandchildren is just as special to me as another and personally I don't know how anyone could say that one was more special.

I do agree that the first grandchild is a special moment, at least it was for me but special in a different way, it wasn't the child so much as it was the event in life, a new milestone had been reached in my life and one that I was proud and happy to have achieved / a feeling and memory that lingers for life but isn't attached directly to any specific child. Just as we all do throughout our lives, there are moments in time that hold great importance or significance that we'll always remember and treasure like, our turning sixteen, our first kiss, our wedding day, the birth of children and so on through our lives. Maybe this is what your mother-in-law meant rather than meaning that the first was more special in the sense that the actual child meant more?

I know for me their all special and each has had a unique impact on my life as well as their birth being one of those special moments in time that I'll always treasure. My own daughters were always very competetive growing up and each wanted to be the first to do certain things, first to drive, first to get maried etc.... but I'll tell you just as I told them, life isn't a race and there is no finish line that you have to cross.

Each and every day is a challenge for you and you alone, what you choose to make of it is something that only you have control of and only you can decide how it will or will not play into your future. Don't let someone elses actions dictate how your memories will be, make your own and make them wonderful! It doesn't matter whether you were born first or eighth, there is only one you and that my friend is something that no one can take away.

I'm curious, had you ever attempted to talk to your mother about your feelings? If you haven't and shes still around then why not? Although it seems like we're here forever, life really is very short and no one should have to carry something like this around with them without at least attempting to work through it. Even if you don't get the answer that you want to hear at least you'll have them rather than none at all.

Best wishes
<div align="center">I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.
~ Gerry Spence</div>
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