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Questions on Vacations with Grandparents

Forum: Inlaws


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June 25th, 2008, 10:54 AM
catsoccer's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 60
I try to tell in short form......

First off I don't have the best relationship with my inlaws and the source of it is our difference of opinions about my daughter.

My husband has been asked 3 times now (never asked me once) if they(my inlaws) can take Breanne camping with them in August for the weekend 2-3 hours away and she will only be 15 months at that time and I will be 35 wks prego with our 2nd. I have yet to do an overnight at either grandparents homes or even a night away from her for that matter. I know I need to start thinking about doing it, but I don't want to be rushed either.

I was kind of thinking that the first night away from her would be when I'm in the hospital for #2. My reason for this was I hold precious the time we have left as a family of 3.

My husband will be gone that weekend to a wedding that is 4-5 hrs. away and I didn't think I would be going to it because of the distance, closeness to my due date ( I was also 3 1/2 wks early with Bree), and I have a baby shower for a friend that wkend.

I want Breanne to go camping with her grandparents, but right now I think she is too young and I would rather wait till she is older. I also wanted to bring to the baby shower that weekend and don't really want to be home alone all weekend.

I believe that my mother inlaw is going to be upset at me for this decision eventhough I have never left Bree with my own parents overnight before.

I also know that after #2 is here I will want Bree to have overnight stays with the grandparents so she has some one on one attension. I think I will even have #2 spend nights with the grandparents at a much ealier age so that my husband and I can give Bree some special one on one attension.

Two questions
1. Is my thinking is any of this wrong?
2. How old were your children we the went away on a vacation with their grandparents

Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling

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June 25th, 2008, 11:41 AM
hollywoodmama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,772
1. Is my thinking is any of this wrong?
Not at all!! Your child, your decision......and I totally agree with you.

2. How old were your children we the went away on a vacation with their grandparents
My son is 3 and has never been on vacation with his grandparents. He spends a lot of time with them and has had a couple of overnights (not many), but a vacation with them?!?! No. He's too young, IMO.

Mom to 2 sweet boys
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June 25th, 2008, 11:48 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
HA...well my children will never stay with my IL's but that is their fault not MY fault (they drink WAY too much).....

Anyway...to answer your q's. NO...I dont think you are wrong. I think you have every right to say no...she's too young...you aren't ready for her to spend the night away yet and that is ok. I'm sure you'd rather her first night away be at their house anyway and not in some other location where you have less control over the circumstances.....

My children have youngish grandparents. They still work full time. They have spent the night with my mom and dad several times. My oldest started spending the night at the age of around 10 months just for overnights....but my others didn't get to spend the night until they were a bit older....my son was around 18-24 months before he was asked to spend the night....I think? LOL....my youngest has spent the night there but not unless we've asked cause we had a date night or something or we went out of town without kids (once or twice tops).....she'll be 2.5 when this one comes. She is getting to where she wants to spend the night there now so she'll be invited to do so soon....my mom's new rule is they have to be old enough they WANT to and ASK to. LOL....

But as for vacations....they've NEVER gone on a vacation with them without us along as well. We've gone camping and such with them but they've never gone and asked to take the kids when we weren't along also.

Do what you are comfy with. You are the momma! HUGS
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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June 25th, 2008, 11:56 AM
Jillb214's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Pittsburgh Pa
Posts: 1,739
No I don't think you are wrong at all. It's your child. They need to respect your decision.

My son has never been on a vacation with either side grandparents, and he is going to be 8 next week.
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June 25th, 2008, 12:17 PM
AugustRaine's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think you are wrong at all. My mom wanted to take my son to sesame place, and I wasn't even comfortable with that. I have a very hard time saying goodbye to my child for any length of time, especially over night. Yes, a break would be nice but she's so young, I can't blame you for wanting to keep her with you.

Like the PP said, it's your decision and they should respect that. You have to do what you are comfortable doing. Good Luck!
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June 25th, 2008, 12:32 PM
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I totally 100% agree with you.
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June 25th, 2008, 12:38 PM
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I don't think you are wrong for this decision at all. If you explain your reasoning and that she has NEVER spent a night away from you with ANYONE then maybe they will not get their feelings hurt. My kids didn't spend a night with their grandparents until my youngest was 3/4 and my oldest was in kindergarten LOL. We never had the need to do it. DH visited me in the hospital with the birth of our second, but he didn't stay the night and I had our second around lunch time so there was no need for him to. So I say you are completely right about your decision
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June 25th, 2008, 01:29 PM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 12,480
i don't think you're wrong at all. I also think that 15 months is rather young to go camping, especially without her parents.

Thank you, Jaidynsmum, for the amazing siggy

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June 25th, 2008, 03:52 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Hi! Welcome, I don't have a very good memory so forgive me if you have posted before!

I totally agree with you. That is too long for a child that young to be away from parents. My son is 22 months and has never spent the night away from me. I would consider that at this point but it's never come up. If they go on vacation, we all go. It's too bad if she doesn't like your decision. It's your child, you are mommy, bottom line. Good luck with breaking the news!

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June 25th, 2008, 04:25 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think you are wrong at all.

None of my kids have gone on vacation with grandparents but DD went to Florida for 6 weeks when she was 8 to stay with my sister and DS1 goes away on vacation all the time with his bio father.

It's ultimately your decision and you can't worry how your MIL will react.

Thank you KimberlyD0 for my absolutely beautiful siggy!

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June 26th, 2008, 05:22 AM
catsoccer's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 60
Thank you everyone for your replies

Its nice to know that I think like many other moms out there and that I am not way off in my thinking of how to raise my daughter.

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June 27th, 2008, 08:08 AM
mommywannabe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I dont think your wrong. Its YOUR decision as YOU are the mom.

I just wanted to give my 2 cents though....
My son is 13 months old and he's been staying over nights with my mom and step-dad since he was about 6 months old. They live an hour away and have asked for overnights since he started supplementing formula. At first it was just one night, we'd meet in the middle in the afternoon on a Saturday and pick up around noon on a Sunday. Now he goes for full weekends. We meet after work on Friday and pick up in the afternoon on Sunday. They get him every few weeks (if it were any longer they'd go through withdraws I think, hahah). They have taken him to the campground, swimming, church, ect. Pretty much anything they'd be doing that weekend anyway, they take him along. Now...I know that's a little different than going 4 hours away for camping. But, I just wanted to give my perspective for anyone who has never let their child stay away from them overnight yet. At first it was hard for me. But I know how much my mom and stepdad love DS and they really are great parents so I knew they'd be fabulous grandparents. Plus, they also are pretty young and have no problems taking care of an infant/toddler. And it really helps with DS seeing them so much, he's able to have some sort of relationship with them even with them living an hour away. It helps DH and I as well....we're able to have date nights, or just sleep in once in a while. LOL. It's nice to have time for just the two of us. Or if DH is doing something else then just some alone time is really nice every once in a while. Especially with baby #2 coming along. I know it will be a few months aftere this baby is born before we'll allow for overnights with him, but it's also nice to know that DS wont feel like we're shipping him off when the baby gets here because it was already a normal routine for him to go stay a weekend every few weeks with "Nana and Papaw".
I dont know........I personally dont think your DD is too young. But *I* am not her mommy so its not MY place to say!! You gotta do what YOUR comfortable with and what you feel is the right choice for your DD. And if anyone has a problem with that....well.....tough. LOL. Your the mommy and what you say goes so they will just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Good luck!
Mommy to 3 little monsters: "T" - 8 years old, "A" - 7 years old, & "Q" - 2 years old

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