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How would you handle this?

Forum: Inlaws


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August 13th, 2008, 02:53 PM
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My husband has already sent his dad an email telling him he didn't appreciate it but I am curious how others would handle this.

We visited my husband's mom and dad a few weeks ago. His dad said some pretty rude things about our son, his grandson. My son is 22 months old, weighs 30-32 pounds and is almost 3 feet tall....Big I know....everyone, including complete strangers are sure to let us know that....anyway my FIL says two things that I think are totally rude and unacceptable for a grandparent to say about their grandkid. Sitting on the couch looking at Nate and shakes his head and says "###### he's big, I mean big"....then my husband proceeds to tell him how Nate loves playing with remote controls and trying to figure out how they work and how the vcr and every other electrical item works....and FIL responds...."yeah probably likes anything that doesn't take too much effort"....So I automatically think so not only do you think he's fat but you also think he's lazy...come on give me a freaking break! My husband and I are both overweight but healthy as a horse. They have always and I mean always had problems with fat people. They have even gone so far as to give my husband, their son papers they've printed out about weight loss surgery and diets and told him to lose his gut....I find this horribly rude and ridiculous.

So it's my initial reaction to not take Nate around them. I just don't want people, especially his grandparents saying crap like that to him and about him. How would you handle something like this?
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August 13th, 2008, 06:44 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 232
OMG! How horrible! That makes my blood boil because I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My son has always been big for his age. Since he turned 2, everybody thinks he's 4. My husband and I are both overweight and my husband is 6'5". We get those comments all the friggin' time and it's soooo annoying. My IL's are the worst about it and my FIL actually told me a few months ago that gastric bypass surgery "would be a good idea for someone like me".

You (or your husband) need to let them know that you don't appreciate them talking about your son like that. Plus he doesn't need that negative talk. He'll be understanding what they're saying before long, and it's going to hurt his feelings.

Good luck!
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August 13th, 2008, 07:18 PM
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I didn't know he did but my husband sent his dad an email and told him exactly that....that he didn't appreciate he comments, etc. If things go like they have in the past it will only cause more conflict with these people. Mostly b/c they would never admit they have done or said anything wrong. We were at parents as teachers registration today and a woman introduced her son to us as Eli the runt, so we figure she gets the same kind of comments but only he's small...so I told my husband we should start introducting Nate as Nate the giant! I mean he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him...he is solid as a rock. My mom's grandpa was like 6'6", my uncle is tall land stout, my grandpa was tall and big, my brother is 6'3" and pretty good size....he comes from a long line of tall stout sturdy men.....I say either get used to it or see ya bye bye I am tired of dealing with your issues.
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August 13th, 2008, 08:55 PM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 366
I agree with you sending out the letter. If that isn't stopped soon, your inlaws could really hurt Nate. He's not overweight, he's just taller and bigger than some babies. But If those rude comments continue, he could go to school with a complex, low self esteem, and embarrassed. One ignorant person could make him feel like an outsider throughout his school years. I know I'm being a little extreme here but I know that if someone you trust and love tells you hurtful things then you tend to believe them more.

I also suggest telling the inlaws that until they treat your son better, you will be keeping your visits short, or nonexistant.

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August 14th, 2008, 11:11 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Wow! That is completely unacceptable. Nate only needs to hear how good and special he is, especially from people like his grandparents! I wouldn't allow people who are harming my son's self-esteem anywhere near him. I think your DH did a good thing by sending the e-mail and if the comments don't stop, I would let them know that until they have good things to say they won't be allowed to say anything because they won't be seeing him. Stick to your guns because you and DH are the only ones he has to stick up for him at this age.

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