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Breaking the news

Forum: Inlaws


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September 2nd, 2008, 10:26 AM
JordyB's Mommy's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 411
I am 19 and my fiance is 21 and we're getting married September 27th. We just found out we're expecting our first child on August 27th, but we haven't been able to share the good news with many people because of my soon to be in laws. They didn't like me from the start because of the 2year age difference. Which I don't think is that much nor do I think age even matters when you've found the one. My life is so much better now that I have him in it. We've been together almost 2years and we've been engaged and living together for most of it. We were both brought up very differently I was able to be a kid and a teen and even though I really only had my Grandma. My parents weren't really there for me. And when my Grandma became very sick with Ovarian cancer she was hospitalized for two months straight, which happened to be July and August so I was not in school. She was a day care provider and ran her own family day care. I was in high school at the time so I took over the day care for summer because it was hard for all of the parents to find another person to watch their kids because all the day cares were full in the area. A lot of teens would have found it hard but it was a cake walk for me. I have a way with kids and I've never had a hard time with any. I even helped to raise my little sister and my two little cousins. So I know what I'm getting myself into with having and kid and I know I am ready to be a Mom. My fiance lived in a very christian home where his grandfather is a pastor and his father is a decan of the same church he was made to go to church 5times a week. He wasn't allowed to date till he was 16 and even then till he was 17 it had to be a double with his parents. He wasn't allowed to listen to any music besides country and christian music and they weren't allowed to watch anything on tv but the news, baseball, and PBS kids. He was also made to join and band and chorus and had to do it every year till he graduated. Pretty much his parents controlled his every move. I'm not sure what they thought they were protecting him from, I think they were a little to strict especially because now one of his two younger sisters who are in high school, she is totally different with and spoils her and she gets to do everything. I will never raise my kids totally differently or favor one over the other like his mother does. So you can imagine how they reacted when we moved in together before marriage, they were not happy to say the least. And now we're pregnant before our wedding. How in the world are we even going to tell them? I don't even know how to go about it? Especially since his mother says that I'm horrible with kids and I hope you guys never have any. She's just jealous because kids pick me over her, and they listen to me better than her. She is literally just looking for faults in me, she makes up a lot of stories about me to try and make everyone else hate me. Any advice on breaking the news to crazy, hateful in laws?
Thank you benevolent for my amazingly beautiful siggy!

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September 2nd, 2008, 10:35 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
It sounds like it doesn't matter how you do it, they aren't going to react well. Honesty is truly best IMO. However, I also wouldn't blame you if you wanted to keep the news to yourselves until after the wedding and you are settled in. A lot of people don't tell until they hit the 2nd trimester because of the risks of miscarriage up until that point. So it would make sense if you wanted to wait until then. So it's really up to you what you want to do. You will have to tell them eventually and it won't be pretty, I'm sure. Hugs and good luck in whatever you decide to do.

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September 2nd, 2008, 05:21 PM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 366
I'd wait it out until the second trimester. I remember that my family said that it was bad luck to tell everyone before the third month. Besides, you can't get in to see an OB/GYN until you're almost 3 months so just enjoy it as your little secret. Then tell them after the wedding. Wait a few weeks or right after. Either way, if the MIL doesn't like you, she won't like you whether you were pregnant before the wedding or 10 years after your wedding.

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September 2nd, 2008, 07:37 PM
Jennmarie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 5,376
I'm just lurking but wanted to say I totally agree. I'd definately wait as long as possible but for sure til after the wedding and all.You have enough on your mind without throwing that in. I'd definatley wait til pretty close to 2nd trimester before you start announcing.

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September 2nd, 2008, 10:30 PM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 366
also keep in mind that the wedding is YOUR special day. You do not want a spiteful MIL making comments to the nature of it being a shotgun wedding. My MIL made enough of the comments to keep me from even considering marriage until after DD was born. The baby ended up with my last name, much to MIL's dismay.

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