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MIL and the new baby

Forum: Inlaws


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October 13th, 2008, 01:20 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
I've been really scared to mention much about this baby being born by planned c/s because I'm so afraid that she's going to insist on being around. It's not that I think they shouldn't see the new baby, it's just that I'd rather have them come like 10 days or so after the baby is born when my mom goes home. 1) because it would be nice to have help for longer (not MIL, she's no help, but FIL will be) and 2) because that's a lot of people to have around and 3) I'm afraid of her attitude about the fact that my mom and dad WILL be the ones in charge of Sam and everything to do with him (they know him best and I don't trust MIL). So I've just steered clear of the subject hoping that FIL will be the one to make the decision about plane tickets and such and that she won't have any pre-thought out plans in her head when he does it. Then this weekend she said something interesting. Apparently DH's cousin is pg again too. She is due about a month or so after me. She has a horrible OB history, all 3 of her babies were preemies, two of them around 27-28 wks and her last one died It's so sad and I wish her nothing but the best this time around. But the reality is that she will deliver early, probably before me. Now MIL spends way more time out at her sister's than here and is way more interested in her niece's than her own grandchildren, so is it bad to hope that she will be way more interested in what's going on there than with my pg?? I'm actually hoping that she kinda forgets about this. I just don't want to deal with her whining because my mom and dad are the ones staying with and taking care of Sam or that my mom is spending so much at the hospital and I'm going to want the ILs to go away. My mom is the only one besides DH that I will allow to see me bf and we all know how much work it takes in the beginning. I don't want her thinking she will just get to hold the baby all the time. It's my baby and I want to get to know him/her. The whole thing is just making me more anxious as I move along in this pg. I'm just so afraid that since we will know the date the baby is going to be born that she will insist on being there.

ETA: And I sure haven't mentioned that if this is a girl, the baby will have my mom's and grandma's names as a middle name: Debbra-Jean. I know she's going to whine about that even though Samuel has FIL's name for a middle name so it's only fair that this one comes from my family.

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October 13th, 2008, 01:57 PM
Posts: n/a
I honestly would not tell her until the week before or the week of then she wouldn't have time to get everything together and come right away. Or lay out your plans for her and tell her how it is going to be and what is going to happen when the baby is born and she is welcome to come a week after it is born. Your baby is yours to name, not hers. I went through that with my mil....needless to say she was told she was not the mother and therefore she was not in charge of naming him...needless to say she lost
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October 13th, 2008, 03:14 PM
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 232
Yeah, I wouldn't tell her either. There's going to be so many people there, and since she's such a drama queen anyway, you know she's going to pull something. If she asks, just tell her you don't know the date until the very end. Maybe the day before? LOL!
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October 13th, 2008, 08:31 PM
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If she asks, say you are waiting to be scheduled and you will let her know when you can. And you can let her know the day before your c-section and let her know that you will not be taking any extra visitors until a week or so after the baby is born!
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October 14th, 2008, 09:40 AM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
That would be nice if that worked but DH won't allow that, I'm sure. He's going to know the date and he will tell them. There's no way I can keep it a secret from DH LOL! I've been trying to warm him up to the idea that I know when I want them to come but he won't just tell them that and I don't talk on the phone to them ever. He knows that we already know which week the baby will be born. I will be putting my foot down that they aren't staying in the house though. If they come while my parents are there they will stay in the hotel. I'm the one having the baby and I need my mom with me, she's way too much actual help not to have her there. She will get up in the middle of the night, she will help with Sam and whatever needs to be done with the kids, changing, bathing, whatever I need, she will cook, she will clean, she will do laundry, she will run to the store, and she doesn't need to be asked. I've just been not talking about it and putting DH off if he brings it up. Yesterday I told him that Southwest doesn't even have their airfares out that far ahead so there was no sense in discussing it yet since they can't book their whole airfare yet anyway, fares are only out through March 6. That stopped it for now.

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