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December 10th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,162
Hello my name is crystal, i'm married to doug and i have an 11 month old daughter named savannah =)
I have the worst trouble with my in laws.
so this is going to be really long and im sorry. but im going to give you a litte background.
I have a brother and sister and my husband doug has a brother(who i used to call b.i.l)
so before hubby and i got married we were together for 2 years. my hubby had promised b.i.l. to be best men at each others weddings when they were kids. So bil got a new gf and i really dont like. Spite what it was doing to mine and dougs relationship(causing problems) im not one to leep things bottled up, im very very opinionated and i tell people as i see it. So i kept it in that i disliked her for 1 a year. Come our wedding day, hubby and i were soo excited. and bil never showed any emotions towards it. Everyone seemed soo happy. Come to the speeches bil cried and never made his speech so my brother did it for him. Dancing time comes up bil leaves to get some air outside and hubby follows he was too hot. so up comes my venting now. Hubby and i are soo very different. I say what i feel and he doesnt thigns like that. hubby and bil were sooo very close.
So its middle of august i was at dougs parents house and looked on the calender. Hubby's birthday is up there and what do you know i see something that is going to truly break my husbands heart. Bil is leaving on a camping trip with his gf that day.( but when i was preggers he told everyone that he was going to be there for his brothers birthday) so i had to tell hubby that he wasnt going to be there. If looks could kill. he was so devastated. So i honestly nicley asked bil and his gf why they chose to go on dougs birthday. SHE told me it was the only weekend that would work so they could go..OK fine but why on dougs birthday it was on a friday, you can go on saturday. like bil promised his brother he was going to be there. so she was making me feel like an idiot telling me to mind my own buisness an such, telling me im pulling doug away from his family. So i was honest with bil, telling him that he could not be godfather to savannah because we could simly not let his gf be apart of my aughters life. selfish as it may seem she has hurt me soo many times. so i finally tell her how i feel, i dont like her, i hate her and yeah. so Next day i was talking to bil. He told me he hated me. So two months later here we are, i asked to have a talk with him a few days ago. WE started to talk and i was very upfront about it and i wanted him to. I knew what he was going to say i guess i just wanted prepared for it. i was talking to his ex gf and asked her why he hated me. i just broke my heart that he did and i didnt know why. so his gf told me that he had problems with me cause he thought i was taking him away from his brother. So come the talk i said why do you hate me he said i dont have a reason. so hubby steped in and said is it cause you think she was taking me away from you.. he said yeah thats part of it. Doug said how friggin old are you? and bil started to laugh. doug said well welcome to my world you did the same with with your ex gf and now this one. i said is that why you didnt make your best man speech...he said and i quote " i dont have anything to say about you two being together" well slap me in the face..that hurt me so much that i was passed sad i was furious. so i said do you not even care that your not going to see any of us he said no i said do you not even going to care that your not going to see savannah grow up he said no i dont. I said did you even care you were god father he said no why? it doesnt affect my life. HUbby said do you not see the respsonibilities that come with that he said no i dont care. So as of right now hubby dont have a brother. i dont have a brother in law. and savannah will never know her dads brother.
So doug( hubby) called him last week after half a year of not talking or seeing each other- - to see if he wanted to settle the problem. He said settle what; doug said this whole thing. Then he started to say that he wasnt going to be best friends with me. so hubby said im not asking you to be best friends with her im asking you be family. he said he will be civil..well isnt that a f*cking kick in the teeth. Im not going to have some petty friendship that he doesnt want to do. am i wrong for that? The rest of his family keep saying well you dont realize that most families just "put up with each other" but why should someone have to fake it? it already hurt me enough that he has hated me for 4 years and never said anything. ok so a continuation: His last gf was a real meany to him and his family he never let him see his family and had him believing that he hated his mom and dad. so he got into this relationship with thi gf that really isnt better. His birthday was a few weeks ago he had a few family over and you would think you would go and see them-- no he was downstairs with his gf in his bedroom just sitting there. and i told his parents im starting to see a resemblence of this gf with the last its just a re-run. Im really blunt and obvious with things and i thought maybe thats why he hated me, but i cant seem to grasp the concept of my being with doug the reason. He's thinking i took doug away from him. So a little while ago we went to a family function and as when we went home, we got a message from his aunt to call her. I caleld back and she asked me a really bizare question. Which was did you call b.i.l's gf a S*ut i was like no why..Oh he was telling people you did. Now im starting to think hes turning the family away from me. what the hell did i do so wrong?
When i got with doug he had really bad self esteem, he was a bigger boy, he thought nobody liked him, no pretty girl would. All he did was drink- go to parties and had OCD about working out.Until i was in the picture i made him happy and made him realize he is handsom and worth it. didnt know that was so wrong.

What do you think?

Savannah 15 months old!!

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December 10th, 2008, 05:12 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,652
I think your BIL needs to grow up! He sounds like most MIL's. It's weird that he would think that you are trying to take his brother from him. Sibling relationships are so much different than married relationships, I don't know if he sees that. I think it's good that you let your opinion be known, and you can let him know you don't like his gf, but not go into great detail. He is right that most families simply tolerate each other. Especially when it comes to inlaws. For the few times a year I see my MIL I tolerate her out of respect for my husband although he doesn't like her anymore than I do. I usually just keep quiet and ignore her when I'm there. Oh well. I would leave it up to your husband, if he wants to patch things up, I would follow his lead. And try and make it work. Good Luck.
*Natural Birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, baby wearing momma to 2 amazing children, Micah (5-22-09) and Reagan (4-21-11)
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December 12th, 2008, 07:01 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Welcome to the ILs forum. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your BIL needs to grow up and get a grip on reality. Your DH got married, so of course you and his family are now going to be his first priority. He could still have a good relationship with his brother if he wanted to try. As far as the girlfriends go, it stinks when they aren't the most stellar person and you wish he would find someone better. I really don't care much for my SIL and that has made me sad over and over. I always wanted to be close to my brother's wife because I've been close to him but unfortunately that's not how it turned out. Big Hugs!! Please stick around and feel free to vent any time.

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