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December 30th, 2008, 05:09 AM
Posts: n/a
I seriously can't STAND my in-laws 90% of the time. They call our house 10x a day, scream orders over voicemail, give my DH task lists and basically, the other night, I almost left because of them. DH stil has stuff in their house-- though not much. When he moved out, the place was TRASHED and a MESS and they think that because he contributed, he needs to clean it all.

Sunday, I needed his help cleaning OUR house. Forgive me if this is random, I never slept last night. But his mother called, and demanded she come there. He went. I was SO mad. He has his OWN house to deal with.

The real problem is I don't want him to feel torn. Things are so bad with FIL that he is ONE more upset away from an Order of Protection because he has no respect for me. They blame me for anything DH does that they don't like.

DH is Bipolar and is cycling depressive right now. He's VERY hard to manage at this point and he is a GREAT actor. So when he flipped on his Mom for causing drama, his dad felt the need to call me and tell me that if his son ever hurt hmself {yeah because he's a suicide risk because he's mad and upset} "because of me", I better get my a** out of town before he finds me!

I am allowed to argue with my husband without his parents getting involved. That just makes him more upset and I'm going looney here!!!

I want a truce, but the honest to goodness truth is that most of the time I HATE them. Any thoughts?
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January 2nd, 2009, 03:40 PM
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 373
Well, this sort of stinks. Do you have a friend or someone that listens to you and is in 'your corner'? Maybe even a counselor or minister to just let you vent and talk. It sounds to me like you are being threatened and should things get VERY BAD, you need to think toward records and evidence for any protective orders. I can understand that your husband might have difficulty in closing down or shutting off from his family-he really has to do that for himself. Perhaps if you try to limit your interaction and contact--keeping out of it so to speak- they would realize that you won't play the game. Even though you hear it, you know you can ignore or erase phone messages. You also can get a phone without messaging service and with caller ID. And, of course, as you say, maybe things will change and it is not 100% of the time! Best wishes for better days.
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January 5th, 2009, 01:25 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Ugh! Move far, far away! But seriously, just talk with DH about it. It sound to me that if they are getting involved in your marital disagreements that DH must be running to them and telling them a lot. That has to stop. DH needs to realize that his family (you and him) is his first priority, not his parents. It also sounds like you might benefit from someone else telling him this, not just you. I think you both might benefit from counseling that would allow you seperate sessions and sessions together. Don't let your ILs ruin your marriage. Big hugs!

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January 18th, 2009, 01:02 PM
C&K'sMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,150
our situation is similar DH isn't manic. His parents are psycho. Apparenlty I'm the reason for everythign bad that ever happens... EVEN FIL is very similar to yours... I gave up ef those people. I tried to make peace, didn't work. I'd lay out to DH how much time you think is reasonable for him to be "helping" them without tearing inot your family. Tell him that he shoul ask for at least 24 hours notice before he's expected to be over there, or he's just not going to be able to make it. "sorry we're right in the middle of...." after a few of those they MIGHT just get the point. hopefully then it'll be at least manageable.


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