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Manipulative MIL

Forum: Inlaws


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March 3rd, 2009, 09:43 AM
Posts: n/a
Thank God my DH sees this too, but sometimes I have to explain it to him.

I love my MIL, really I do. I've known her since high school when I was best friends with DH's sister. But she can be so dang manipulative sometimes! We've been married for four years, and until DS was born last month, it's been fine. Ever since then, let the manipulating begin.

My IL's basically have been to visit twice--MIL says because they "don't want to bother us". Of course, then, last week I hear from my husband that MIL was upset. When I asked why, it's because she said she called, and my mother said that I didn't have time to talk and hung up on her. First of all, my mother doesn't answer my phone when she is over, and second of all, she wasn't even at my house that day. I answered the phone the first time she called and we had a nice conversation. She apparently told my FIL this story, got him mad. Then my FIL called DH and complained. DH and I talked and he called MIL to talk to her. Then she got on the phone with me and said it wasn't a big deal. Well yeah it was, or else you wouldn't have said anything!

I told DH she's doing things like not coming over to make us feel guilty. It's not working on his, but it sure as Hell makes me feel bad. How do I deal with this, besides letting DH deal with his mother. That's basically how we've worked things since we got married--he deals with trouble on his side, and I deal with trouble on my side. I don't know what else to do. I tell her all the time that her and FIL are welcome to come visit DS and I any time--I'm not really out and about yet, as I had an emergency c-section. Any suggestions--Is there anything else I can do?
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March 3rd, 2009, 02:04 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Don't let it make you feel bad and don't play into it. My MIL is always trying to make comments about how my son likes my parents better or they buy him so much so why should she bother, blah, blah, blah and my response is that she is welcome to visit whenever she wants and buy him whatever she wants. I don't feel bad for her because she really does nothing to try to build her relationship with him. When she does visit she spends more time in the bathroom and her room than with him, so no sympathy here. If you let the manipulations work, then it will only get worse. Just reassure yourself that you are doing everything on your end that you can do and leave it up to her then. Hugs!

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March 4th, 2009, 03:39 AM
Alchemist's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,243
I agree. Stick to your rule about letting DH deal with things. She is going to push her luck, until she realises that she is the one with egg on her face. She'll cry wolf etc and every time just be sweet and smile and tell DH to deal..... shes not your mom, you dont HAVE to deal with it. you can chose to. and until she behaives, dont accept the behaivuor by letting hubby deal with it. he'll get sick of it and let her know when enough is enough....
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