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Forum: Inlaws


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June 12th, 2009, 05:58 AM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 4,826
I know this is the inlaw board but I am having an issue with my father.

So this is about my biological dad. He didnt want nothing to do with me while I was growing up. My stepfather raised me. When I decided I wanted to join the Air Force I was 17. I did it while I was still in high school so i could secure a job. My bio dad refused to sign the paperwork. My mom finally talked him into it. It was too late as I didnt get the job i wanted cause it took forever to get his signature. Well he just started back in my life when I told him I was pregnant with DD. However i moved from North CArolina to WAshington. When I came to Delaware to Visit when my mom paid for the ticket she would let me use her car to see him. When I called him up to tell him i was pregnant with Junior he tried talking me into an abortion. Well we all know that wasnt going to happen. Since I moved back to North CArolina he has came and visited me a lot. Here is my problem: I am 25 years old and his girlfriend is 21 years old. I can get past that however his fiance who i adore has no clue so when he comes to visit it is only for a getaway weekend with his girlfriend.

When my son was two weeks old DH and I drove down up to Delaware. I called him and he told me he would meet me at my moms house to visit. DH didnt want his gf there becuase we both dont like what he is doing to his fiance. So I called him up and told him i prefer if he didnt bring her with him. Now I truly find it disrespectful or whatnot becuase we are in my mothers house and frankly i am still not use to the idea of him dating someone not only younger than his youngest daughter but his niece as well. DH is upset becuase his family hasnt seen any of the kids. Well bio dad said he will call when he was on his way leaving by 3. My mom andhim dont get a long since the Air Force stunt so she stayed with my grandfather at the nursing home. 5 came and he never came. He was so mad at me that i didnt want his gf there that he chose not to see his grandson. Well I decided to not worry about dh is furious and says no more. Well he keeps calling wants to come and visit. He was suppose to come two weeks ago but something came up. Now he is suppose to come this weekend however he hasnt called. Should I just cut my ties with him. I am so use to him promising something and never come through and I do know how hard it is. I dont want my children to hace broken promises kwim.

My questions are:
Am I in the wrong for not wanting his gf there?
Should I just not worry about him?
I am also going to Delaware for Fathers day weekend I am not even going to tell him but does that sound childish?

I just dont want my kids to get hurt.

Sorry so long

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June 13th, 2009, 06:23 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Clarify: He's cheating on his fiancee with a 21 yr-old? If so, you have every right to not want her around and not allow her around. It's wrong for him to put you in that kind of position. I wouldn't worry about him at all. It doesn't sound like he's a good roll model for his grandchildren and hasn't ever cared about what's best for you or them, and until he can get his business together, I wouldn't go out of your way at all over anything.

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June 16th, 2009, 08:33 AM
danniegirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fort Bragg, NC
Posts: 4,826
Thank you. Yes he is cheating on his fiancee with a 21yr old. I thought he started coming around o see us but the more he comes the less time he visits and stays with her. I just dont want my children to have a realtionship with him like i did growing up.

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June 16th, 2009, 07:18 PM
KrazE's Avatar ShutTheFrontDoor
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,546
If I were in your shoes, I would tell (or write or email) letting him know that while it is his life and his right to chose what he does during his time on this Earth, it's also your right as a human being and a mother to choose not to subject yourself and/or your children to his behaviour.
Let him know that you love him and that you wish him all the best in whatever path he chooses, but it's time for you to continue on in your life which does not include him. Also let him know that if things should change in the future, your door is always slightly ajar with the possibilities of a reconciliation should you chose as such.

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