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I think they are mentally ill

Forum: Inlaws


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June 17th, 2009, 12:06 AM
Mommy2PrestonandGavin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1,132
Hi ladies!
I'm Alicia (25) wife to Mark (26) and Momma to our 6 week premature little boy Preston born on March 4. I just noticed that JM had an inlaws board and boy do I need you ladies right now! When I first met DH his parents were ever so nice. When we were dating his Mom baked homemade pies and brought them over and then once we got engaged she stopped calling, stopped answering the phone ect. We did nothing to her and she was ecstatic to get him out of the house even though his twin sister lives at home and has never had a job. I don't even know where to begin to explain these people...I really think they are mentally ill...

I can recall vividly, the day that I went to pick out bridesmaid dresses for our wedding. MIL made a big deal about wanting to be a part of our wedding planning and I was excited for her help and happy to oblige! So I included them in trying to pick out the dress. I wanted a strapless tea length dress (falls below the knee). SIL is not allowed to have her own opinion and MIL speaks for her. MIL would not allow SIL to wear a strapless dress even though she obviously loved it when trying it on. SIL is hubbys twin and almost 27 years old. She has never had a job and sadly enough seems to have no friends. MIL actually stood there and told me that it was good that my hubby had moved out and he was too old to live at home and she went on with other nasty things about him that I won't bother repeating. We settled on a dress and I was asking one of my friends who had been at that particular store before how we went about ordering them. MIL walked over to me and took my face in her hands and turned my head to her and said i'm here to you know talk to me...even though I was trying to figure out how to order the dresses so that I could tell her.

There were other times I went with hubby to visit them and she was constantly talking bad about him to me. After all of her talk about wanting to help with the wedding she did nothing to help at all. They paid for one keg of beer and my family paid for everything else. Hubby graduated from college last summer and we had a small bbq to celebrate and invited his parents and sister. They didn't bother to show up or call and explain why they did not show up. His sister was in school at the time and failed a class and did not graduate so I assume that has something to do with it.

Even after those things we attempted to have a relationship with them and called and they would not answer nor would they return calls even though they have caller id. Hubby stopped over there one day and their cars were all there and they were home but would not answer the door. We had our first son, and their only grandchild, 6 weeks prematurely this past March. They never called one time, never asked about him or even came to see him until 2 days ago, and he is 3 1/2 months old.

Hubby traded one car that he had at his parents house for another. He was working on it the past few days so that he can get it to the point where it is drivable. SIL called him 134209949494 times prior to 7 am this morning wanting him to move a bumper in their garage. He had to work and went over there at 1pm after work. MIL yelled at him to move the car and he did. Then FIL told him to get the car out of there (using expletives) and told him to leave (using more expletives). Hubby was understandably upset.

I am done with these people. I have no desire for my son to grow up seeing their behaviors and thinking that it is okay to treat people this way. My conclusion is that they suffer from some sort of mental illness. I cannot understand any other reason to treat your own son, who is a GOOD man, so badly. I did not open my mouth and say one word to them about this though you can only imagine how much that would please me! Instead, I spill my guts here. If you made it this far bless your heart, I know it's a novel. I'm just sad/upset/angry and needed to vent. How do you deal with people like this?

Thanks Katidid622 for my adorable siggy!

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June 17th, 2009, 08:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,033
Welcome Alicia! I am Beth (37) and DH is Mike (34). He is a twin as well. Sometimes I also wonder about my ILs. DH's father has no relationship with us possibly due to a longstanding love affair he has with alcohol. MIL is hot and cold. She wants things when she wants them and sometimes I feel like she thinks this is her world, she just allows other people to live on it. SIL worships her furbaby but does not care for being in the company of human babies. BIL (DH's twin) has three children by three different women and seems to feel as though he is nothing without a girlfriend. DH's parents divorced when he was a child which makes it possible to interact with MIL in as much as we do.
Hopefully, you are like me and have a terrific family who will more than make up for the lack of familial involvement on DH's side of the gene pool. We are actually planning to move to NC to live near my family next summer because we feel that while our earnings may not be as high in that part of the country, it is more important that our child have grandparents and an aunt as well as extended family to shower him/her with lots of love and positive attention.

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June 17th, 2009, 05:07 PM
LadyCoconut's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Georgia
Posts: 35,234
UGh, they sound awful and I'm really sorry you guys have to deal with them on occasion. At least they're distant and not terrible people who WANT to be in your life to make you miserable, ya know? Hang in there.

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June 19th, 2009, 10:01 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,304
Wow they sound horrible. I am sorry you have to deal with them at all. I never say anything to my inlaws either since I figure it would cause more drama.
My dh's birthday was this week and his mom called and wanted to talk to me and she asked about my DD but not about my 2 DSs. I had to bring them up and then she tried to get the conversation back to my DD. She is also either very interested or ignores us for months, like taking 3 weeks to call back after my dh left 3 messages asking her to call because our oldest ds wanted to chat with her and then called at 10 pm when she knows he would be sleeping. It really makes you wonder. I hope that your family is very supportive, it makes things easier.

Owen, Avery, Samantha and forever missing Jake born still 08/01/99.

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June 20th, 2009, 11:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
Send a message via Yahoo to sweetiez
Ok god idk if i should say anything... my SO family..espically parents are rediculous! they are HIGHLY religious..... and dont think anyone is good enough for there son! although they talk more trash about their son then ever..or anyone in general really.... they talk trash about me and my child.. because i had a kid out of marriage..and that is WRONG! and again they think abortion is HORRIBLE!!!! sex before marriage is not the thing to do and should be banned and you will go to hell... SO is forced to go to church every week and if he doesnt he is kicked out of his house..hmmm his parents dont agree and think he is dumb to get his 4 year degree in college... because the world will end in 2012... oh god theres much more..they are the most greedy people i have ever MET! they have NEVER EVER even had a mortgage so SO didnt even know what house payments were untill he grew up!! OMG i could go on..but i WONT!!!!.....

i want you to know UR NOT ALONE!!!!!

If you want to hear mentally ill my SO family is it! oh goodness .....
Single mommy to the most amazing child in this entire world!

Last edited by sweetiez; June 20th, 2009 at 11:14 PM.
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June 21st, 2009, 01:38 PM
SamuelsMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,541
Welcome! I'm Stephanne. First I want to say that Preston is adorable and he shares a birthday with my Nolan! How neat!

I'm sorry about how they trat your DH and you. That stinks and I can't figure out why anyone would treat their child that way. My recommendation would be to just follow your DH's lead. Your support means the world to him I'm sure.

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June 22nd, 2009, 07:02 AM
Alchemist's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,243
your DH sounds like a gem. be sure to tell him how terrific he is (i am sure all this abuse has left him defeated) and what a great father he is etc etc......

dont waste another moment on them. they arent going to change and you have yourself and your family to woory about. getting to pity them may help you build a solid boundary to their craziness. You dont have to cut off ties but if you cant handle them and arent able to build a boundary, then you may have to.
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