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MIL is a piece of work

Forum: Inlaws


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September 3rd, 2009, 08:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,511
Ok just to get myself introduced and situated here and so you have a little background and a few reference points for my MIL I will give the recent MIL history. If I started at the beginning, I would have to write a book. She has always been an obnoxious selfish pill, but I am starting in the middle of the story.

Ok so last summer MIL had an operation on her foot for hammer toes. After that they gave her painkillers which she took for way too long and got hooked on. Then she made up some balony about her back so she could get more painkillers (back pain is very hard to prove, it's the bread and butter of painkiller addicts everywhere). So anyway the problem is really obvious to DH and I. We complained about it because everytime she visits she expects us to yank Ivy out of daycare and let her watch Ivy by herself. We were both very uncomfortable with her watching Ivy like this. Anyway her behavior got more and more erratic and she got fired from her VP job sometime late winter/early spring. She became very hard to handle and very very mean. Well she was always mean, but kind of nutso on top of it. So anyway we cut her off for awhile and told her she could not visit until she got herself straightened out (she never ever would admit to havign a problem). So after a few months she says she has been taking a yoga class and feels all better (FIL secretly tells us she got treatment and is off the pills). So ok. We start letting her visit again even though she is still a mean b****.

So part of the problem we usually have with her is that she is very high strung and very high stress and whenever she visits she gets Ivy all wound up. She doesn't listen to Ivy and Ivy get fristrated. Plus she interacts with Ivy every second and never gives her a chance to breath. It's to the point that Ivy will walk away from her and climb onto my lap and just sit to get some space. But we always have discipline problems after MIL leaves because she encourages bad habits like spitting, hitting, and kicking and she won't take her to the potty. And now that Ivy has hit the terrible twos, Ivy doesnt' always cooperate and MIL gets VERY frustrated with her.

Ok so this most recent visit was for Ivy's birthday party. Since I am PG again I rented a pavillion so I wouldn't have to worry about the house. MIL knew this. Despite this, she proceeded to invite people over to our house before the party. Nice. My dad and his GF were also visiting and since my dad rarely visits and since he just had a heart attack we let him and his GF stay with us and we asked MIL to stay at a hotel. Honestly, MIL visits a lot. So after she found out about that she starts asking me if she can take Ivy out for the day before the party (nevermind what was I supposed to do with all the people she invited over to our house before the party). She keeps asking if she can take Ivy to the zoo/park/mall whatever. Everytime she asks I tell her "No. My Dad is going to be here too and he wants to see Ivy. How would you ike it if I let him take her to the zoo all day? Pluss you invited about 12 people over to my house." But she kept asking anyway.

Eventually the day comes and we're all at my house before the party. I'm struggling to get stuff ready (with the help of my dads gf) while my MIL continues to pester me about who knows what, but she certainly wasn't helping me get ready. Anyway, she proceeds to take Ivy outside, in the hot sun, for hours while we're getting ready. She basically is trying to monopolize Ivy, she know my dad won't go out intot he heat since he just had a heart attack. I go out and get Ivy (thankfully the old bat put some sunscreen on her) and I bring her back inside and tel her that if she wants to hang with Ivy she can come in and that I didn't want Ivy out in our shadeless back yard in the heat.

So OK, we go to the party and I gotta get all the food, decorations, Ice etc out of the car and to the pavillion. Ok dad helps, DH helps, dads gf helps... MIL runs off with Ivy to the nearest swingset for the next 45 minutes. Guests are showing up wondering where the guest of honor is and I have no idea! Nice.

OK anyway the party goes on. MIL isolates herself with a few family members and does not mingle. A few of our local friends go over to try to talk to her and she blows them off.

So towards the end of the party I hear her saying to some of her family (and right infront of my family), "blah blah blah Ivy gets that from HER side of the family." so I trun around and say "what does she get from my side?" and she says "Ivy just said "nonono" so I was saying that she gets her contrary and disagreeable nature from your side." I was dumbstruck. Ivy is two. ALL two year olds say nonono!!! Anyway I bite my lip and say none of the 1000s of snarky responses that came to mind because it's my daughters party and I dont' want to make a scene... plus I knew how it would make her look. I took the high road. So later she starts complaining that Ivy has pooped and no one will want to kiss her good bye if she stinks like poop so DH and I run off to chagne Ivy. While we're gone, she sends away the rest of the guests and tells them that I took Ivy away so she couldn't say goodbye to them. (I didn't know about this till later).

Then in the car on the way home she satrs crying about how we didn't acknowledge her gift. OMG. We just forgot, and honestly, she gave us a check (in my opinion). She always pulls this balony with "Oh what have you bought her recently" and then she just pays for it. We bought a swingset that was supposed to be from us, she just decided to give us a check for $500 and now its supposed to be from her. I didn't see her out there cutting, drillig abd staining any boards. She didn't even offer to help when she saw her PG DIL helping.


So then, against my better judgement we let her watch Ivy for about 3 hours one morning before they left on their plane. FIL was there so I figured there wouldn't be anymajor judgment problems. So during that 3 hours she trashes the house, puts the dog out, leaves the dog out for the entire 3 hours (we told her not to let the dog out for longer than 5 minutes) and the dog trashed the brand new play area (tore up the plastic, dug out all the mulch etc). And she didn't feed Ivy lunch before dropping her off at daycare like I had asked her too So they had problems with her at daycare since she missed lunch there too.


So now DH swaers that even though he wil let his mom visit, she will not watch Ivy ever again. She seriously let Ivy have crayons in the living room and she drew on the coffee table and spilled the crayons on the floor. Instead of picking them up they just walked through them. Nice.

I'm just worried about what we'll do when this baby comes. I'm probably going to have another c-section which means I'll be in the hospital for 3-4 days. I dont' want MIL anywhere near me BUT we are going to need some help! I've asked my dad and his GF to come. I feel like I'm asking a lot, but since they met her they know why I'm asking. I'll need them around for at least a week, I hope they can do it. If not I'm not sure how DH and I will fair by ourselves. MIL came when Ivy was born and that was when we really started to have problems with her. She really thinks she should be the mom.

Thanks Ryan and Alex's mommy for the siggy!

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December 20th, 2009, 12:07 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,890
Doesnt your DH say anything to her? She sounds somewhat like my MIL, except mine does her critisim in the "read between the lines" way. Its still caught, and my SO gives her hell for it. Our baby is banned from her place, if she wants to see her, SHE comes to US. And shes never babysat. Yeah, right.

Your MIL and my MIL should meet. I bet they would be best friends.

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December 23rd, 2009, 07:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,511
Yes he does. This is her under control. If he said nothing she would probably have me on a leash balancing a ball on my nose while flipping treats into my mouth. At least thats what she'd like, lol. He says to just ignore her comments and give her yes no answers. Problem is that if she doesn't like the yes no answer she runs around whining about what a meanie I am. Plus she thinks that EVERY decision is mine.

Like ok, Shes visiting next week for xmas. She wanted to take dd to her daughters house saturday, sunday, and monday. Now first of all, it's my holiday to and it's my last work holiday before the baby comes, I was planning on doing a few things with dd to have some special time together. To me thats a good enough reason. Well I'm about to tell her and DH is like "she wanted to what? No WAY! I don't want dd out on a 2-3 hour long car trip on a holiday weekend! Thats crazy!" So he tells her that himself instead. Well now shes got a bug up her butt because she thinks I just don't want her seeing Ivy. Everythings personal with her lol.

Anyway shes also harassing me non-stop about the impending birth of our 2nd child. I've told her, repeatedly, that I'm not scheduling a repeat c-section because we're planning a vbac. Despite the fact I've given her lots of facts and figures she insists I'm making it up, putting my baby in harms way JUST to get the birth I want. Shes also said that I'm doing it just to ruin her plans. Shes asked me repeatedly about the "due date" and I've told her a million times that It's MArch 29th. And she just says "but thats not when you're having the baby! I need to know so I can buy a plane ticket and make plans." Then she starts with that I'm having a vbac JUST to mess with her plans! Oh yeah, that makes TONS of sense. So now shes running around behind my back telling everyone what a horrible mother I am for not automatically having a repeat cs... omg.

DH is just as exhasperated as I am. I've told him that he just needs to tell her where to go. He tells me that hes tired of dealing with her and that I should just do it myself and I remind him exactly what ILL do if allowed, lol. Out of love for him, I restrain myself. If he tells me to handle it, by golly I will. He knows it too so he's stuck in the middle. Part of the problem is that he'll go and have a talk with her and lay down rules and she'll be a good little MIL and obey them for awhile. Then she slowly works her way back to where she is now and then we have to put her in her place again.

Thanks Ryan and Alex's mommy for the siggy!

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December 23rd, 2009, 03:18 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,890
Headstrong woman isnt she? I guess it's different with my MIL, cause years ago she was causing issues in his life (way before he met me) and he told her to back off he won't speak to her again. She didnt, he didnt talk to her for ten years. So I think she knows better now, thats why its all "Oh I did THIS with my kids, I wouldnt let them do that" and snide remarks like that. Im getting so frustrated, one day Im just gonna blurt out, "what would be acceptable to you, me being drunk all the time like you?" SO is lucky he didnt die at birth, he had to have a blood transfusion from the alcohol. He actually did die for two mins apparently. And IM the bad one. *sigh*

Good for you standing up to her, YOUR birth is none of her business. I applaud you for going for a VBAC, I know if it were me I would try for one too.

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