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FIL (at my wits end)

Forum: Inlaws


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February 26th, 2010, 09:59 AM
jennmommyoftwobeauties's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh my god. I am about to rip my hair out of my head. My FIL does not know when to hush his mouth. It is as if he thinks that his opinion is ALL that matters. I am seriously at my wits end. Tommy does not know what to say..not as if he can really say much considering that he is not around and is in school. As if I do not have enough to worry about he thinks that my listening to his criticism (definitely not constructive), and his crappy opinions are what my life consists of. Every time I turn around he is making a comment about something and being a hypocrite. I do not know what I am going to do if I have to keep going on and on with this. Okay so I have had little to no sleep for 2 days. The kids are up all night the last couple of nights. So obviously I am on edge with that.

Okay let me see if I can type all this before naptime. First, he never stops running his mouth. The one thing that really bothered me was when finding out Tommy might get kicked out due to his weight his father was not supportive. He said "Oh well if Tommy did not get fat he would not be in this situation. He has no one to blame but himself." Oh boy you know I had to shove my foot far into my mouth to avoid telling him that he was no skinny mini himself, and that he had no right to talk about my husband that way considering all that he has done for the kids and I. That just made me want to spit flames. How dare you speak of him that way. At any rate my kids listen less since we have been there and that in itself has been a challenge. It is as if they turned into these completely different kids. They whine and cry a good portion of the day unless they are getting into things in which they need not be into.

Then the other day we were just sitting here. Whatever possessed his father to say this I do not know, but he says to me "Jenn can I say something to you. I do not mean to offend you. I just care." Whatever. Anyways I said "Okay" realizing that whatever he had to say was definitely going to make me mad with him starting off that way. He said to me "You are heading for a heart attack." I am like really. Why do you think that? Cause I drink soda. Are you kidding me? He said cause I am stressed out due to the kids, and that I drink soda and I am FAT. There is that **** fat word again. Who is fat? I am smaller then he is. Okay so I am not a skinny mini either. My weight is not in question. If I repulse him I am sorry. I am not here for him. Tommy loves me the way I am. I don't but Tommy does. At any rate that to me I think was a bit rude. As I said before I know I am not a small person, but I am not as big as he is. I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, have a husband around to have an intimate life with, and all I do is eat some chocolate from time to time as well as my soda's.

As if that is not enough the next thing is his lack of consideration or thoughts. If I want to go out and spend 500 dollars on a female stimulator (not that I would) then so be it. My business and my money. He thinks that he can dictate all that I spend. If I buy a toy for Ry it is okay, but if I buy one for Em is just more useless junk. Then I mentioned wanting to buy them nice clothes for Easter. He made a comment about that. Go figure you know that.

The most recent kick ( I am leaving tons out so as not to post too much here) was I found out that Tommy had spoken with the girl that he dated before me, and that he used to be in love with. Had it been a short conversation then that would be one thing, but there were two calls from her. One at 15 minutes and then one at 25 minutes. That day they had text about 50 or so times if not more. He does not know that I know all this. Either way his dad and I were talking about that. He says...."I did not want to tell you this, but I wanted to let you know. Tommy and I have gone out and when we have I have asked Tommy how can you stand her?" He then went on to tell me that Tommy said cause he loved me. When Tommy would go out with his dad I would ask if anything has ever been said. He said no. Now I am mad that he lied to me. So that bothered me.

Then what made me post this is that this morning we were sitting there. He was reading the paper. He began reading to me stuff in the paper, and then made a comment about the basketball game. First off I do not care. I do not know why he always tries to read things to me. If I had an interest in it I would pick up the paper and read it. Then he starts to talk about people paying 3 and 5 hundred dollars to go to this game. He said I pay nothing and I have the best seat in the house. (the tv) Then he goes on to tell me that he cannot imagine a person paying that kind of money. I said me either ..I cannot see why someone would want to waste that much money to watch a sport and smell sweaty socks and be crammed into bleachers like sardines in a can. Okay so my opinion. He says I think it is dumb that people are on a computer all the time. I said are you trying to say something. Needless to say my pleasantries are beginning to dwindle. He says "NO" but Karen or MaryEllen (Tommy's sisters) asked if you were on the computer much and I told them no. News flash. If I want to be on the computer ALL day that is my business as long as my kids are being taken care of and I am paying attention to them.

I do not think that anyone has ever tried to dictate my life as much as him. I am at my wits end and something has to change. We really wanted to save money, but if he is going to keep on this I am going to have to figure out something and move somewhere else. If you read this far then thanks. I had to get this off my chest.

Am I being unreasonable? Do you think?
**Thanks for my beautiful siggy *Sharon* **
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February 27th, 2010, 02:55 AM
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Well, this does sound like you have too much FIL. is there any chance you could see him less? As in go out to library or food shop while he reads paper. Stay in bedroom when he is parked on sofa or muttering around. Since he is very concerned about weight, may I suggest that you agree with him and put the WHOLE house on a healthy food plan? Insist on exercise as in I am going out for a walk or even it is time for your walk. I find it annoys if I CLEAN where aggravating people are sitting. Can't he go visit your SILs?
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February 27th, 2010, 03:11 AM
jennmommyoftwobeauties's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The weather has by far warranted the going out in it or believe me I would have already done so. The library and the bowling alley are right around the corner. If I say I am going to stay upstairs to stay away from him he makes comments that I am being cruel to the kids. Not really. I just cannot stand to be around you. As for the diet...that is the only thing I can hold onto here, and I am unwilling to give that up. I know sounds bad and definitely not healthy, but I figure that if I were to go on a diet and so were the house he would just find something else to make comments about or be rude about. I know him enough to know he will. He just likes to speak his mouth and never worry about how he is going to make one feel (or just does not care) or the consequences of his mouth.

Also, his daughters (my SIL's) he does not go visit. Two of them work during the day, and the other sleeps all day because she works at night. Needless to say when we were down in Virginia everyone was all stoked for us to be here, but then once we get here it is the same crap just a different day. They are still seldom coming to see us here. He is retired but seldom leaves the house.

I understand it is his house, but when you are trying to control someone else's it makes for a lot of resistance and problems.
**Thanks for my beautiful siggy *Sharon* **
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