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Super long MIL Thanksgiving story Rant/vent

Forum: Inlaws


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November 15th, 2010, 07:52 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cheektowaga, NY
Posts: 640
Yesterday was an epic fail for me... We drove 1 1/2 hours to husbands mother's house for "Thanksgiving" Despite being really uncomfortable from being in the car for that long the drive wasn't that bad husband and I talk about nothing and laughed and joked etc... it was almost fun Minus the searing pain in my hip lol... then we arrived ... i did everything i could to be a pleasant as possible i was engaging I was preasant I was down right social with MIL and SIL. Then we sit down for "dinner" ( it was 12:30 so it was really Thanksgiving lunch) we start eating I said "thank you so much, everything is really good" it was a complete and absolute lie. She is a terrible cook always has been and always will be. She actually made mashed potatoes from scratch which was shocking... they weren't just "lumpy" there was like like whole chucks of potatoes in them, the stuffing was sooo salty, the gravy was terrible even fro a package it was bad even the corn was iffy she didn't drain it just put it on the table in a bowl which is fine but the serving spoon wasn't slotted. I can't eat much right now with out getting sick away so whatever.

So as we were eating she mentions that after we have the baby to call her if we want her to come watch our son because it's usually pretty easy for her to get off work. Then SIL chimes in and says "well i have that entire week off too so i'll take Evan as much as you need it's not a problem." I asked what week she said the 2nd week of feb.... ( she's a teacher it's winter break i guess) so i all i said was sure, no problem we'll play it by ear, and see how it goes because the baby could come early so it's really still up in the air but I thanked them for the offer. ( i was very gracious) and then they keep freaking dwelling on it they both kept saying that I need time to bond with the newborn and if people offer to help i should take etc... and SIL said
"you've had 2 years alone with Evan so it won't hurt you to let him spend the day with one of us" etc I wanted to be like OMG SHUT UP ALREADY... I said fine we'll see when i have her how it's going to be. i actually haven't had him for 2 years to myself i worked and took my mom to countless doctors appointments his fist year of life but whatever and the last time we asked her for help she said she couldn't really do it because 3 kids was just too much for her to watch more than once in a while.

That's not even the worst of my day. if you're still reading your going to LOVE what comes next!

Lunch was done and we were all just talking about Christmas and stuff and what was going on when etc. Hubby works 2 jobs and his second one is at night and he works wed and fri nights, and Saturday during the day at a pizza place. They close early on Christmas eve but are usually open till like 7 hubby doesn't go in till 5 and mention that he doesn't know what's going on and that he didn't really want to go in for 2 hours on Christmas eve with a 30 min drive each way and then drive back around there for his family Christmas thing... So his mom goes just tell your boss you can't work then. I jokingly said "tell him i'm gonna be 7 months pregnant and I won't want you working 2 hours on Christmas eve because it's a lot for me to get Evan and myself ready for your Christmas party. Somehow it was funny and we were all laughing. His mother chimes in and says

"yeah just tell him your wife is a b i t c h and doesn't want you to go"
Her and SIL thuoght is was SOOO funny that she said that. The smile completely dropped off my face.

IF my mom or dad had said that I would have counter back with something equally snippy to say and it would have all been fine... i'm not allowed to talk back to his mom ... that's just the rule between him and I ... She's sensitive ya know ... so I didn't ... there were 100 things i could have said and i didn't ...

we get to the car and i said to husband
"i assume you mother was joking when she called me a *****?" he goes she did what? I told him the whole conversation and he goes I didn't hear her say it he was like half watching football or somthing... so now nothing... he's not even going to stick up for me and tell her it was uncalled for... Joking or not with the history between us it was just unacceptable for her to use that word towards me. She never jokes about her one daughter using those kinds of words... i don't think I've actually ever heard her say that word about anyone. She can claim joking all she wants she meant it... and I know it...

Over the summer husband and I had made out peace with each other about the relationship between his mother and I. He understands that he can't asked me for more than I already give. I don't yell, i don't pick fights, i brush a lot of stuff that she says off, I've never asked him not to have a relationship with her. I've never purposely kept my son from her while one of us is there I don't like the way she takes care of her other grandkids so until our son can clearly indicate what he wants i won't leave him alone with her. I've never cut her out of our lives. If he wants to make plans to be around her that's on him and he knows that. I don't call her mom and he doesn't call my parents mom and dad that's something we agreed on when we got married. If she has a problem with that it's on him to fix it.

I want to let this go I feel like i should just say whatever and move on from it.. I can't i'm so mad i tried forgetting about it yesterday but I woke up this morning even more mad than i was last night... I don't even know how to approach him or what to do... I don't want her apology because if someone tells you to apologize you probably don't mean it. I don't even know what to happen... I just don't ever want to have to see her again. I"m furious to point or shaking and tear and i need to calm down... but i can't i'm so outraged that she would say that and that she got away with it.

Needless to say I"ll DIE before I ask that woman for help with MY children! ...
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November 16th, 2010, 01:34 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 5,644
How unbelievably rude! And I'm sorry that your DH didn't defend you. Umm...he was in the middle of a conversation with all of you, how could he have missed it! It's what what I call - my DH is famous for it - selective hearing. He always seems to not hear rude comments.

They can talk about their so-called babysitting plans all they want - it's not going to happen if you don't ask them to. And I hope you have DH on your side!

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November 16th, 2010, 02:44 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cheektowaga, NY
Posts: 640
I'm pretty numb about the situation right now... i feel like i should be the mature one.. she's ignorant trash and i know that and i've always known that ( having money does not negate the white trash aspect nor does it make up for ignorance) I didn't grow up with money and I certainly don't have much right now but I will always have more class and tact than her. BUT I still can't quite let go of the fact that my husband didn't hear it... and that he didn't even care when i told him she said it

Originally Posted by Tweetybabies View Post
They can talk about their so-called babysitting plans all they want - it's not going to happen if you don't ask them to. And I hope you have DH on your side!
he totally doesn't have a say... he's going to be at work and i'm the one who is going to make the decision of who watches who and when....
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