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Am I Over reacting about my MIL?

Forum: Inlaws


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May 4th, 2011, 10:39 AM
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
My MIL had 3 boys and has always wanted a girl. I had a girl in November and this is not only her first grandchild, but her first granddaughter. I am starting to get sick to my stomach and am feeling mentally and physically drown out because of her. She is such a pushy person. She is always grabbing my baby away from me without asking meÖone time I was breastfeeding her and I was in the middle of burping her and was going to feed her again and she came and stood by me and asked if I was done and I said no I am still going to feed her and she still grabbed her from me and walked away. My own mother doesnít even do that. I think that is just so rude.

She also babysits her one day a week and she has all this baby stuff at her house, which really bothers me. She went out and bought her own crib and basinet when I was pregnant and she has tubs full of baby clothes for her to dress my baby in. I put plenty of clothes in her diaper bag when she goes and when I go to pick her up, she is in an outfit that she had! She recently went out and bought her own baby food without even asking what my babyís meal plan is. I am a first time mom and I love every moment with my baby. She was a mom already and I want to be the mom. I feel like she is trying to treat my baby like her just because she never had a daughter. And my husband reminds me that I should understand that she had three boys and shes always wanted a daughter? How is that my fault that she never had a daughterÖso that means that she can just treat my baby like its her own. I find it sick.

I am okay with her wanting to spoil her, but in my opinion she can buy her things that come home with her to her house that she lives in. she doesnít live there and I feel like she it treating her like she has to have her own things at grandmaís house and her own thereís at her house where she lives and I hate this. This situation is seriously driving me crazy and it makes me want to leave my husbands sometimes. My husbands says he understands and agrees with me and says he will say something, but I donít think he ever does, because she keeps doing it and I donít think he wants to hurt her feelings.

I am at the point where I donít want my baby to even go over there anymore, until she respects me and realizes this isnít her baby and she doesnít need to treat her like her own. For Easter I was really sick (ulcer in my eye) and when my husband told her we werenít going, she got upset and asked if she could take my baby anyways. Who does that? I thought that was really rude! Why couldnít she say to my husband, I hope she feels better, I understand, and I will come see the baby when I get home? I donít think she respects me as a mother. I pack my babyís diaper bag and make sure there are lots of clothes, toys, and everything else that she will need for the day, and when I come to pick her up, her diaper bag hasnít been touched. Once I brought a toy over for my baby to use, because she really liked it and she told me to go put it back into my car, because she went out and bought one. I was very upset with this.

I donít want her dressing my baby how she would dress her daughter and I donít want her buying her toys that just stay at grandmas house. Why cant she buy her clothes and toys and bring them home with my baby? I would like nothing more than to have a relationship with her, but I donít think its possible. It would be nice if I could call her up and ask her to go shopping with us or meet us for lunch or vice versa. She isnít an approachable person and I donít feel comfortable confronting her all the time.

I expect my husband to talk to her and make things right, just like I would if it were my parents doing it to my husband. Is there anyone out there that has had this problem or is going through this? I could really use some advice/suggestions.
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May 4th, 2011, 02:37 PM
Posts: n/a
All I can say is I cannot stand my MIL so reading this made me HATE my MIL even more because some women are SOOOO RUDE! My DH hates her too so it makes it easier for me to not like her. The DH told her she was not allowed to meet the baby and she was not welcome in our lives anymore so that is some weight takes off my shoulders.

I am so sorry that you have an awful MIL too. I'm not sure exactly what your status is with her in the past. Have you or your DH talked to her before about her behavior? Because in my opinion if you did and she still has yet to change then I am worried she never will and you will have to do what I did. Completely cut her out of your life. Some MIL's are just TOO much.
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June 8th, 2011, 11:50 AM
Doodlebug06's Avatar Doodlebug
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 1,397
Just happened upon your post randomly.
I am not sure I see a problem with grama having stuff at her house? Wouldnt this be easier on you since you wouldnt have to pack a bag and bring everything?
You mentioned leaving your husband over this? Holy Moly. I have a ton of things way worse than this that I'd leave for before leaving for this.
My mom has ALWAYS done this and my daughter was her 2nd grandchild and only grand daughter. My mom has a better set up for my daughter than I do. They go overboard on her. ( i was adopted at age 15 and my adoptive mom only had boys) so my daughter is like my moms first baby girl from birth I guess.
How old is your baby?
Is it possible you might be going through some emotional issues since the birth? Our hormones do tend to go wild after babies for a while. IDK.
I am just failing to see how MIL is bad by having stuff at her house and being so excited to have a baby girl. WHen you catch grama trying to make your daughter call her "mama" then i'd say you have a problem. Not to minimize your frustration. I am sure it is bothersome to you. My MIL did a lot of that too and went overboard but I just chalked it up to the fact that she loved the baby.

Jade Ja Kang
10:52 a.m.
18.5 inches
6lb 10 oz

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June 27th, 2011, 11:39 PM
BrittanyLBH's Avatar (Formerly DueFeb2012)
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1,970
I actually now feel grateful that my MIL (whom I can't stand for a million reasons) said she didn't think she would want anything to do with my baby.

If she grabbed the baby out of my hands between feedings, I'd follow her and take the baby back. That was way rude!

And I can see why that would bother you about the food. Hell, if people try to make sure their pets stay on their food plans when being sat, I can't imagine someone who would stock up on something without asking if it's what you want in your baby's system.
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