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Im planning to cut my family out of my life

Forum: Inlaws


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November 3rd, 2011, 01:27 PM
~ Nicole ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,925
This is not my in-laws but my immediate family but I didn't know where else to post this and I just need someone to talk to. I have tried talking to my sister but she is always such a snob to me and she just tells me to "get over it". I am at my limit and I cannot take it anymore of my mother and grandmother invading my life and all their nasty comments and opinions. I am at the point that I want to cuss at them and smash their faces in. I can honestly say that I am not sure if I even love them. I am 29 years old and ever since I was 18 they have basically monitored every aspect of my life and tried to control everything I do. They don't hold back any of their opinions even if it is hurtful to me and I am extremely angry and bitter at them. I cant move on from it no matter how hard I try because they don't stop even to this day. I have tried talking to them and even blown up at them and they wont back off! They think I am over reacting, they claim they don't do these things, and have even told me to just get over the past.

Yes I had my first two children when I was young and unprepared but I did not deserve to have them pressure me to have an abortion both times when I loved my babies and wanted them. They always told me I couldn't do it but here I am almost 10 years later and we made it. They made my pregnancies so miserable and unenjoyable and now that I learn I may never be able to have another child I am angry that I never had a good experience thanks to them. I am super mad that my sister is pregnant after marrying for the 3rd time barely knowing the guy for a year and they act so happy for her. My cousin is also pregnant at 21 and is always begging for financial help yet they have not said one bad thing about her pregnancy and seem happy for her. This is making me so mad that they treated only me bad.

My mom and grandma just stop by my house anytime they want. They make nasty comments about my pets, how I am raising my kids, or how my house looks. My mom goes through my fridge and cupboards to see if I have enough food, she looks through my mail that is on the counter, asks me if I remembered to pay this bill and that bill, they want to know everything I do and if they don't like it they say so. If I buy something new they ask me how I can afford that or why did I waste my money on that. My DH got me a beautiful engagement ring and my mom and grandma only said that we shouldn't be wasting our money on something like that. We have caught my mom several times hanging out in our parking lot or driving by and she doesnt even live or work by were we live. My grandma expects me to bring my kids to her house every Wednesday and sometimes I don't want to but she wont accept it and tries to make me feel guilty for not coming by acting like her feelings are hurt. Everytime I want to do something they just put down my ideas and take away my excitement.

We are planning to do fertility treatment and possibly IVF within a couple years and I don't want anyone casting a shadow over what will be a miracle pregnancy and baby for us. Due to how they treated me in the past and continue to treat me I see no other solution but to move, not tell them were I live, and cut them out of my life. All I want is to be treated like an adult, have privacy, and enjoy this pregnancy and baby. I don't even want to tell them I am pregnant or anything else I am doing. I seriously want nothing to do with them. I just want to live my life with my DH and kids and not have all of this negativity. Even my DH can't stand them interfering. But if he says anything than they think he is a jerky guy. We were saving to get the best house possible but now we have decided to cut our budget way down and buy a fixer upper house instead just to get away from my family sooner. I am seriously going to go insane if I don't get away from them soon but its not even realistic for atleast another 2 years!

Me(35) DS(12) DS(14)

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November 3rd, 2011, 03:52 PM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,639
OMG!! ((HUGS)) You are a very strong woman and momma!! I know you feel like you have no control with them and your the adult. What it sounds like to me is that you need to try to set some boundries. I know easier said than done, but becaue they have been controlling you a long time, it has now become natural for them to give thier opinions and tell you how to run your life. This is not going to be easy nor will it change over night. My inlaws are just like you describe. What my MIL would do is call me at certain times in the day when I was busy (and she knew it) to request and tell me things. My busiest times of the day were in the mornings before I go to work and right when I get off. So what I did was turn my phone off during those times and called her back later (around 9pm). It sounds so little, but by me doing that I have set a boundry with her. No its not ok to call me then and I didn't have to actually tell her that...ya know. I read the book "Stop Controlling Me" by Richard J. Stenack PHD. It gave me great insight and tips to help me deal with them. Amazon has great reviews on it. Hang in there and keep us posted!!!!!
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November 3rd, 2011, 05:00 PM
~ Nicole ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,925
Thanks for the book advice. I will have to look into that. You know what they do if I don't answer the phone.. they will just come over which is even worse! Unfortunatly my grandma lives very close and we get a killer deal on rent so without staying were we are it will take even longer to get our own house. Why do people have to be so annoying.

Me(35) DS(12) DS(14)

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